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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to pay for someone's meal on my birthday

138 replies

mommy2ash · 17/08/2014 00:37

I will begin with saying I am a bit precious about my birthday even though that's a bit frowned upon here. I also go out of my way for my friends on theirs.

ok so a friend of mine has had a birthday a few weeks ago. there was two nights out and a meal. I went to one of the nights out. next month we will also be going away for the weekend to celebrate the birthday again which was quite expensive.

it will be my birthday this week and another friend who missed the nights out a few weeks back wanted to go out for a meal to celebrate the birthday again. the night she organised Will be my birthday. it didn't initially bother me I saw the funny side of it and said I would go. there will be four of us.

I then get an email saying I know it's your birthday but really it's the other friends night so we will split the cost of the table by three. it again wouldn't have bothered me much if it were a set meal but I eat very lightly usually a salad and I don't drink. they usually get three course meals and bottles of wine and cocktails. I have no idea how much all of this is supposed to cost and I'm trying to have a night out for my own birthday and I really can't afford it. the favour won't be returned for my birthday im only having a few drinks at mine which supply and a night out in town which I pay my own way for.

the other two going have already celebrated this friends birthday and will be going on the weekend away so I feel if the friend who missed it wanted to treat her she should pay for her meal herself and not drag us into it.

I'm not going to bring up the cost or anything as that would be awkward would I be unreasonable to say I can't get a babysitter and back out?

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 17/08/2014 11:24

Go with what you said upthread about having already celebrated and friend b should treat friend a if she feels she needs more treats.

FunkyBoldRibena · 17/08/2014 11:29

In future - just buy her a small present and arrange your own holidays...

rollonthesummer · 17/08/2014 11:30

I'd get in contact with birthday friend and say sorry, having paid out for her weekend away, you can't afford to go along with odd friend's plan of paying for the meal cost so won't be coming after all. Say you wanted to tell her the reason why so she didn't think you didn't want to go.

She'll then know what odd friend is like and you've got out of paying x

MissBattleaxe · 17/08/2014 11:35

Stick to your guns and let Freind B make a fool of herself.

I don't why people are so afraid to just stop her? In not stopping people like that you enable them to do it forevermore.

ICanSeeTheSun · 17/08/2014 11:45

What an odd thing to do.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/08/2014 11:55

I would just make my excuses, tell her you cannot afford it, you celebrated this friends burthday and as it's your birthday will be doing something nice. Btw how was she planning on treating you? Was she going to plan a night fir you, and every body pay for you! So cheeky!

Original poster

mommy2ash · 17/08/2014 12:31

UPDATE

I emailed friend b was very polite and said im looking forward to the night out it's lovely wants to treat friend a but I'm going to pay for my own bill and they can divide it up whatever way suits them as I didn't miss the last night out and as it's my birthday this week I Will need money for my night out as well.

it didn't go down well and I have been uninvited as im trying to make it all about myself and it will look bad if I don't treat friend a and I'm not keeping with the spirit of the evening.

so looks like the problem is solved now :-)

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 17/08/2014 12:35

ICanSeeTheSun · 17/08/2014 12:39

I think friend b should be dropped like a hot potato.

Make sure others know you are not invited so she can't bitch about you.

Keep the email.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 17/08/2014 12:40

Have you told the others?

crazyspaniel · 17/08/2014 12:41

She sounds deranged. I would make sure the other friends know about this, as you don't know what she is going to be saying about you.

rollonthesummer · 17/08/2014 12:42

Oops, shame it turned out like that as people might think it's about you being a princess rather than her being odd.

I'd ring your friend pronto to make sure she doesn't hear a warped version of events.

CSIJanner · 17/08/2014 12:43

She dropped you from a meal on your own birthday? Fuck that for a box of frogs

Original poster

mommy2ash · 17/08/2014 12:47

I rang the friend whose birthday it isn't and she just said that's her all out she is crazy just ignore her.

OP posts:

Nomama · 17/08/2014 12:51

You are now entitled to reply

"And fuck you too!"

She sounds utterly barking. Phone/text the others and tell them... DO NOT let this become a 'Mommy2ash is deranged' moment. DO NOT be so damned polite that you just wear it. Tell the others what happened.

I HATE it when people do this to others but I hate even more when someone allows it to happen cos they don't want to cause a fuss. SIL did this to me for years, many of her friends absolutely know I am a raving lunatic... all because I didn't want to make a fuss.

Tell them. Include how it makes you feel - honestly, not some watered down, oh please do excuse me for existing way - and let her deal with the fall out.

Nomama · 17/08/2014 12:52

had a conversation with DH whilst typing that - xposted.

Thank goodness your other friends are aware she is weird.

Cheeky76890 · 17/08/2014 12:52

Be honest with her. please.

Text 'hi friend, we've had a great time celebrating x's birthday already. It's really nice of you want to pay for x's meal tomorrow too but I'm already beyond budget so plan just to pay for just my meal'

Cheeky76890 · 17/08/2014 12:54

Great well done

CombineBananaFister · 17/08/2014 12:55

Wow, was gong to say if you actually want to go then say you can't afford to split the bill but if you don't want to go because 1)you've done it already, 2)it's actually YOUR birthday and 3)friend B is an idiot then say you can't get a sitter.
Now I'd just be rude. She's not your friend to put with, she's theirs, so I wouldn't be going on any night she is organizing. Okay there will be crossover events but I'd try to limit contact she sounds like an arse. Hope you don't have to put up with her on your do.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 17/08/2014 13:14

So are you going to have a birthday meal out ( yours not hers) without crazy friend?
I wonder whether crazy friend fancies birthday diva? Otherwise it's well weird behaviour.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/08/2014 13:22

I would have no qualms in telling her you can't make it as you have plans for your special day. The way she is disregarding your birthday like that and treating it as unimportant is not nice. You are entitled to celebrate your day

Aeroflotgirl · 17/08/2014 13:25

Just read your update, how rude is she, you don't need people like that in your life. But I think you should have made your excuses, a lot less hassle.

pudcat · 17/08/2014 13:30

Who needs enemies with a friend like that. I hope you will tell the multi celebrated birthday girl why you are not going.

Original poster

mommy2ash · 17/08/2014 13:30

I won't be doing a meal some of my friends couldn't afford it so I'm providing food and drinks in my house for my friends.

OP posts:

onedev · 17/08/2014 13:46

What a cow

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