DH bought someone an eternity ring when I was out of town. AIBU to freak out?

[Topaz25]

I have been out of town for two weeks helping to care for my dying grandmother. She sadly passed away on Monday and I returned home a few days ago. Since then things have been up and down with my husband and we have argued. He seems distant since I got back, which was a bit of a red flag. OTOH I am obviously tense and over sensitive at the moment.

Tonight I found (in the open, I wasn't snooping) a receipt showing that he purchased a silver eternity ring while I was out of town. The ring is not my size and I do not have a birthday or other special occasion coming up. I suppose it is possible that he bought the ring to cheer me up (and forgot my size) and then hasn't given it to me because we argued. Something else that worries me is this ring was purchased from a shop that has several branches in our home town but it was not purchased here, it was purchased from a branch in a nearby town. I don't even know why he would be there. Another issue is that it was purchased on a Monday. Monday is normally my husband's day off but recently he told me was doing overtime on Mondays. AIBU to be concerned? AIBU to confront him? I don't want to come across as paranoid and start another argument. WWYD?

Oh whoops I thought you had read the thread and were joking! Anyway it made me smile.

The best laugh about the investigator to follow him suggestion,is you weren't joking
What alternative world do you live in fun,were people routinely hire detective to follow spouse
Absolutely crackers suggestion.where does one start,google suspiciouswives.co.uk?

I wouldnt b able to hold back, ask him now and ask to see it. You'll have your answers.

If a man posted he was thinking of hiring investigator to follow wife,hed be pilloried
There'd be handwringing about red flags,control,and link to a he's an abuser checklist
Get a grip some of you

Oh brilliant... And you are getting an eternity ring.

Makes sense to me.
You have someone you love. They have just suffered a loss. You are hurting that they are hurting. Circumstances mean they're away. What's more natural than thinking of them and your thoughts turning to their birthday, gifts, something nice you can do. You feel helpless because you know you cant take the pain away. Upset and stressed people snip and niggle at each other too. Distant can be about helplessness and inability to know how to help.
People always think the worst but truth is most people are decent, loving and thoughtful.
Im glad you asked him and that you are happy that he has told you the truth.

'I'm sad not stupid'. Ummmm. Ok. You post on AIBU and don't like the comments. Right. My post was sympathetic to your loss but from your own comments something doesn't add up and I was not the only one who felt this way. Good luck with your relationship. One last tip - you could try pulling the thread if you are happy with the outcome and require no more comments....

Op,i actually though wedgie was being kind and acknowledging your loss
In no way did it come across as dig

Emma Thompson in that scene in 'Love Actually' when she gets her Xmas present of a CD and realises the expensive necklace she's discovered wasn't for her ! Anybody ?

I'm not sure OP, if he had bought it for someone else and you asked him, what plausible excuse could he come up with on the spot. The only believable thing is to say it is for you.

I would be checking up on the overtime just to be sure he is where he says he is. If so, then give him the benefit of the doubt. If not, well you will have to take it from there.

Bahhh,surprisingly you're not alone in your daft theories.
someone else recommended hire an investigator to follow him

yeah i think id have to ask - mind you i do agree with other posters - I dont know what my ring size is either so it might be totally innocent.. you might e ruining a pleasant surprise:)

its amazing how many people dont read either all the thread, or op's posts (highlight them lol) and then reply

glad you asked him and happy with the reply

tbh most men dont know their partners ring size, bet many on here dont know their own (im a j)

scottishmummy love the word 'daft' . Not heard that in ages.

itsfab so OP's spoken to her husband and is perfectly placed to know if he is lying or not. That must be why no wife has ever been deceived by her husband because 'she knows him better than us' (no shit Sherlock). I wasn't trying to be anything btw. this thread reminded me of that scene immediately I read it and I was making a comment to that effect on a public forum. Who died and made you thread empress?

Fairenuff I agree. But I hope for the OPs sake that is not the case.

For fairness, posters should slug it out for who's going to be Empress of the Thread SM would defo win

Agentzigzag

Wedgiebum Sun 17-Aug-14 18:07:21
"'I'm sad not stupid'. Ummmm. Ok. You post on AIBU and don't like the comments. Right. My post was sympathetic to your loss but from your own comments something doesn't add up and I was not the only one who felt this way. Good luck with your relationship. One last tip - you could try pulling the thread if you are happy with the outcome and require no more comments.... hmm"

Actually I liked practically all of the comments except yours. Because all of the other comments were simply expressing an opinion. You were implying that you are right, I am wrong and the only reason I can't see your obvious rightness is that I am blinded by grief. It couldn't possibly be because you are wrong.

It's absolutely ok to express an alternate opinion to mine but not ok to use the fact that I am grieving to invalidate my opinion.

Sorry can't edit comments on here. There is no reason I should have to pull a thread because of one hurtful comment. A lot of other people have offered useful advice I would like to keep.

Yeah, I think if you ever got to the point of needing to follow it up further, such as ringing the shop person, getting an investigator, you should just leave. There's no point in sticking around if you can't trust him, even if it's just you being paranoid. Not a sign of a happy relationship.

It's good you're getting couple's counselling.

Real question, is the ring nice?

I agree, it wouldn't be very nice for me or DH to be in a relationship with no trust. I don't feel the need to follow it up further. I am glad we had a chance to talk things through, I think it has helped us understand each other better. I think couples counselling will be helpful.

The ring is lovely but since I spoiled the surprise I said I will put it away till my birthday I can't wait to show it off!

I'm sure that you are right and it was all above board fortunately, but I would definitely need to check the overtime just to make 100% sure.

what a nasty final remark, wedg.
OP , glad this has been resolved