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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH bought someone an eternity ring when I was out of town. AIBU to freak out?

130 replies

Topaz25 · 16/08/2014 22:25

I have been out of town for two weeks helping to care for my dying grandmother. She sadly passed away on Monday and I returned home a few days ago. Since then things have been up and down with my husband and we have argued. He seems distant since I got back, which was a bit of a red flag. OTOH I am obviously tense and over sensitive at the moment.

Tonight I found (in the open, I wasn't snooping) a receipt showing that he purchased a silver eternity ring while I was out of town. The ring is not my size and I do not have a birthday or other special occasion coming up. I suppose it is possible that he bought the ring to cheer me up (and forgot my size) and then hasn't given it to me because we argued. Something else that worries me is this ring was purchased from a shop that has several branches in our home town but it was not purchased here, it was purchased from a branch in a nearby town. I don't even know why he would be there. Another issue is that it was purchased on a Monday. Monday is normally my husband's day off but recently he told me was doing overtime on Mondays. AIBU to be concerned? AIBU to confront him? I don't want to come across as paranoid and start another argument. WWYD?

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 16/08/2014 23:38

Because MN posters are so good at ferreting out angles to a situation you didn't even know existed, I can see why the OP posted, especially if she was worried about wading in and causing another argument.

She obviously cares about her relationship with her DH, and now she knows he feels the same.

Original poster

Topaz25 · 16/08/2014 23:40

I'm still glad I asked on here as people persuaded me to ask him where as otherwise I might have avoided the issue for fear of starting an argument. I appreciate the advice. Everyone needs someone to talk to sometimes. I wanted to get a second opinion before confronting my husband and in this case I thought it would be better to express my concerns to strangers online rather than to friends or family, which could have been awkward.

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 16/08/2014 23:41

The angle?if hes male,hes at it.LTB

Original poster

Topaz25 · 16/08/2014 23:41

X-posted with AgentZigZag, good point that's what I was trying to say.

OP posts:

Original poster

Topaz25 · 16/08/2014 23:42

Scottishmummy, that's not actually what people said. No one said LTB.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 16/08/2014 23:50

I didn't automatically think he's a bloke so he must be sniffing around elsewhere, but given that some blokes, who are having an affair, leave incriminating things laying around so they can avoid the difficulties of telling their wives, anything's possible.

Although it's a tad annoying to be deprived of any inferred salaciousness especially as it's a Saturday.

HappyGirlNow · 16/08/2014 23:50

Scottishmummy it's always your name I see being antagonistic and rude on threads... I'm all for straight talking but you are always so rude in your own 'inimitable', badly-grammered and spelt way....

As one Scot to another.. Have a word eh?

Original poster

Topaz25 · 16/08/2014 23:50

The thing is when someone is having problems with their partner they can't always talk to them about every little thing for fear of starting an argument. But then they can't always talk to friends and family because it would make them feel like they have to take sides. So sometimes it is easier to ask an opinion from someone outside the situation. FWIW, I told DH that I posted about this on a forum and he's just glad I didn't ring my mother!

OP posts:

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 16/08/2014 23:52

Most jewellers don't carry a large range of sizes so maybe he wanted to make sure you liked it before you have it resized (because once it's done, especially with an eternity band, they would be reluctant to take it back)

The combination of all the emotions ( for your loss ) has obviously boiled over.

Would he really have left the receipt in view if he was hiding it?

greyhoundgymnastics · 16/08/2014 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VonHerrBurton · 16/08/2014 23:56

Fwiw, scottish , that's exactly how my mum discovered my dad was having an affair that ended their 24 year marriage. Receipt for piece of jewellery in a suit jacket he'd asked mum to take to the dry cleaners - I know, what a charmer
.

He couldn't produce the item when she confronted him then lied and said it was in work and was for his mum.....

Anyway, obviously I would have kept that to myself if OP hadn't got to the bottom of her dilemma.

ADHDNoodles · 16/08/2014 23:59

Yes, it's always better to talk than to fret. DH has women he texts from work. I got a little worried and asked to see. He was fine (slightly amused), and the conversations were just boring work gossip. Then he reassured me that I was his one and only.

I'm glad you two worked it out, and opened up a good line for communication. He obviously wasn't trying to hide it if he accidentally left the receipt out in the open. From your posts it does seem he cares about you if he was honest about it and concerned about your feelings. :)

AgentZigzag · 17/08/2014 00:02

Yeah, definitely what greyhound said about overplaying it if they are guilty.

And what you've said OP about risking a flaming on AIBU as sometimes being so much easier than washing your dirty linen with people who know you and may bring it up at every available opportunity until Kingdom come

ImperialBlether · 17/08/2014 00:02

I had exactly the same situation in my marriage. It didn't end well.

I wondered why he'd told you he was working on that day when he clearly wasn't. Is he really the type to go shopping out of town for a birthday gift when your birthday isn't for several months?

ImperialBlether · 17/08/2014 00:03

FWIW I think that sometimes you see what's happening and it's so huge that you cling to an explanation which will allow you to ignore what you saw and continue on with life as you know it.

MyFairyKing · 17/08/2014 00:08

Happy oh the irony of criticising SM's grammar.

ilovesooty · 17/08/2014 00:10

you are always so rude in your own 'inimitable', badly-grammered and spelt way
if you're going to criticise someone's spelling: check your own.

Glad it had
a good outcome, OP.

ADHDNoodles · 17/08/2014 00:15

Is he really the type to go shopping out of town for a birthday gift when your birthday isn't for several months?

I'm not sure this is really a fair question considering it's not typical for her to be out of town either. I've gotten DH gifts out of the blue once or twice because I saw a deal online and then forgot about them by Christmas so he got them randomly 5 months later. I typically procrastinate getting gifts and they usually come late. I would hate to have a random moment twisted into something sinister.

You just have to sort of go on his track record and personality. If he's not being secretive about anything else, I wouldn't worry. Most people that are trying to hide something get irritated on questioning. Also, you would know in your gut if he was lying. You know him well enough to know his tells when he's fibbing.

Original poster

Topaz25 · 17/08/2014 01:38

ImperialBlether
Sorry to hear that, I didn't mean to bring up any difficult memories for you.

DH doesn't normally buy gifts in advance but I can understand that because he saw a good offer, which wasn't available at the shop in our town. The one where he bought it was only a few miles away. He was working on that day but went to the shop afterwards. While I was initially concerned, he has explained everything to my satisfaction.

OP posts:

Original poster

Topaz25 · 17/08/2014 01:42

Oops sorry I replied without seeing your second post. I can understand what you are saying but I don't think I am doing that. I would rather know the facts and I believe I do.

OP posts:

Wedgiebum · 17/08/2014 08:44

I am glad you are satisfied and are ok but I have to say that it sounds like a croc of shit to me. Months til your birthday and he is never this organised? The wrong size? Issues around work or non work day? Sorry, his response would not be enough for me. And you say he has been distant.... I am sorry to hear of your loss but I wonder if it is clouding your judgement

mustbetimeforacreamtea · 17/08/2014 09:34

At least it was an eternity ring. I came across the receipt for an engagement ring while doing the laundry. As I was married knew it wasn't intended for me. (Now) xh was obviously treating her like a princess as it had come from Elizabeth Duke . Neither relationship lasted very long.

scarletforya · 17/08/2014 09:42

Wouldn't believe that for a second. I think it's a crock of shit as well.

FunkyBoldRibena · 17/08/2014 09:42

Has his wage gone up with the extra overtime?

ilovesooty · 17/08/2014 10:08

The OP has said she's happy with the explanation. Presumably she knows her husband. Why are people still piling in?

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