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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH bought someone an eternity ring when I was out of town. AIBU to freak out?

130 replies

Topaz25 · 16/08/2014 22:25

I have been out of town for two weeks helping to care for my dying grandmother. She sadly passed away on Monday and I returned home a few days ago. Since then things have been up and down with my husband and we have argued. He seems distant since I got back, which was a bit of a red flag. OTOH I am obviously tense and over sensitive at the moment.

Tonight I found (in the open, I wasn't snooping) a receipt showing that he purchased a silver eternity ring while I was out of town. The ring is not my size and I do not have a birthday or other special occasion coming up. I suppose it is possible that he bought the ring to cheer me up (and forgot my size) and then hasn't given it to me because we argued. Something else that worries me is this ring was purchased from a shop that has several branches in our home town but it was not purchased here, it was purchased from a branch in a nearby town. I don't even know why he would be there. Another issue is that it was purchased on a Monday. Monday is normally my husband's day off but recently he told me was doing overtime on Mondays. AIBU to be concerned? AIBU to confront him? I don't want to come across as paranoid and start another argument. WWYD?

OP posts:
FreeLikeABird · 16/08/2014 22:49

Hmmm I think you need to ask him, it doesn't sound great.

SnotandBothered · 16/08/2014 22:49

I second the approach suggested by ThatSmells.

Sorry to hear about your Grandma OP :(

FreeLikeABird · 16/08/2014 22:49

Sorry for your loss op.

CarryOn90 · 16/08/2014 22:49

OP, maybe you can just confront him and if there's nothing dodgy going on he will be able to hand over the ring?

If it has been given to somebody else, he won't have it

GetYourFingersOutOfThere · 16/08/2014 22:50

I'm sorry for your loss.

In regards to your DHs I think you should ask him out right seeing as you found the receipt without snooping.

I hope it turns out well for you.

scottishmummy · 16/08/2014 22:50

Lets not idly speculate.or you'll get an embellished screenplay via mn
Quite simply -ask him

Original poster
Topaz25 · 16/08/2014 22:52

Ok I asked him and he said he bought the ring for my birthday, which is not for another few months. He thought it was my size and he went to the shop in the nearby town because they had that size in stock and the ones near us didn't. I still think we need to work on our issues as obviously I wouldn't have been suspicious if things were going well. We're considering couples counselling.

OP posts:
BolshierAyraStark · 16/08/2014 22:53

Hmmm, I don't know my ring size so certainly wouldn't expect DH to nor my taste which is why it would never be a good idea to surprise me with said item

Don't go in all guns blazing assuming the worst as that's not the way to deal with this, wait until the grief is less raw & the arguing has subsided.

Flowers
RabbitSaysWoof · 16/08/2014 22:53

Flowers I think you need to ask him too.

BolshierAyraStark · 16/08/2014 22:54

X post.

AgentZigzag · 16/08/2014 22:56

Do you believe him?

Why did he buy it now? Was it on offer or do you have a glut of cash laying around or something?

It's a thoughtful gift though, especially if you're going through a rough patch.

WhatTheFork · 16/08/2014 22:57

Did he also show you the ring?

Original poster
Topaz25 · 16/08/2014 23:08

I'm inclined to believe him. He doesn't seem guilty. I think he got a good offer, which would also explain why it wasn't available in all sizes in all branches. He doesn't normally plan presents this far in advance but he was thinking of me because I was away.

OP posts:
ValerieTheVodkaFairy · 16/08/2014 23:10

I think it sounds very guilty, combined with the overtime. Hope it's what he says, but keep an eye on him.

I agree that he should show you the ring

GetYourFingersOutOfThere · 16/08/2014 23:14

Did he show you the ring?

AgentZigzag · 16/08/2014 23:15

Is an eternity ring something a bloke would buy a woman he's having an affair with? (if he was having an affair, although what he's said sounds plausible to me)

Surely it'd be necklace/earrings/bracelet?

scottishmummy · 16/08/2014 23:22

You know what there are people on mn worthy of screenwriter for eastenders
Love good slabber and froth to get a salacious reason,for everything
As opposed to the mundane explanation

Original poster
Topaz25 · 16/08/2014 23:24

He showed me the ring so it seems like this was a misunderstanding Blush. Luckily he is more amused than annoyed. In my defence, he's never normally this organised!

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 16/08/2014 23:27

Awww, all's well that ends well Smile

Well? Do you like it??

Original poster
Topaz25 · 16/08/2014 23:28

Yes, very pretty.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 16/08/2014 23:28

So next time just ask instead of assuming worst,and the mn screamers pile in

YouTheCat · 16/08/2014 23:29

I think the fact that he was thinking ahead and thinking of you bodes well. Smile

Original poster
Topaz25 · 16/08/2014 23:30

The positive side of this is that it made me really realise we need to work on our relationship as I wouldn't have been worried about it if we hadn't been arguing. And it made me see he was thinking of me when I was away.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 16/08/2014 23:34

Im glad it's a positive resolution
Maybe next time ask your partner
As opposed to strangers online

HerrenaHarridan · 16/08/2014 23:35

And this is why 9/10 best course of action is to communicate directly with your partner :)

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