Flicking an unknown child for throwing rocks at terrapins

[Rafterplease]

I'm sitting in a pub and we are discussing an AIBU of one of the group.

Here's the scenario:

L is in Greece. There's a park with a pool and terrapins in it. A kid - roughly seven - is throwing rocks at the terrapins. The kid is blond but probably Greek. L is standing next to the kid and, fairly gently, instinctively flicks the kid with the back of her hand and says (in English) 'don't do that'. There was no parent in sight. The kid ran away.

L just didnt think, acted totally on instinct. She feels very guilty about doing this. Should she be beating herself up over it?

just don't throw it at a terrapin gamer

The OP has already admitted that they had no idea if the boy spoke English or not. They just assumed he didn't because they were in Greece (because apparently no other child in the country, tourist or native, can speak English? ) So without even bothering to TRY a verbal comment, the woman went straight to being physical, regardless of the level. Not appropriate.

Maybe a good flick now and then is what some kids need. It is not ok ever to hurt an animal.

Okay, animals are worthy of being protected and not to be hurt in any way. Children are not.

animals have no voice, - the terapin couldn't say - ouch, stop hurting me but I do take your point

I've found this topic very interesting and it's highlighted to me how homogenous my friendship group is, we all have very similar outlooks on this issue and tbh I'm very surprised by how many people still think physical punishment is ok.

Physical punishement? Sounds like it was a tap to draw attention.

Poor terrapins.

It depends, it sounds like more of a tap to get his attention and stop him (I presume she "flicked" the hand with a rock in it). I have no idea what flicking is and don't think children should ever be hit but this really doesn't sound like he was harmed in any way unlike the poor terrapins.

L did the right thing and should not beat herself up about it.

She took reasonable and proportionate action to stop a brat child from wantonly hurting the terrapins. She was hardly flaying him to within an inch of his life, but she got the message across very effectively.

How on earth can a brat child be "reprimanded but gently and with an affectionate tone of voice"??? Or is that a euphemism for being ineffectual and wishy washy?

'Oh darling, that's... that's.... oh dear, I think you might have hit the terrapin, honeybun. Now just let's stop a minute and think about how you would feel if you were hit on the head with a rock, shall we? Oh dear, you've hit that other one now. It might be better if you put the rock down, actually, sweetheart. I know you've got really good at hitting the terrapins with the rocks, and I know how much you like throwing things, but what you perhaps don't really understand yet that is that terrapins are living creatures ... oh gosh, there goes the third one. Please can you put the rock down, precious? You see, I'm afraid you might have hurt the terrapins. I know you didn't mean to and I hope you're not upset now to think of it, but being hit with a rock is actually rather nasty. Oh, there goes number four. Oh my. No, it's never happened to me, but I think it would be nasty. No, I don't want to see what it's like, thank you....'

AllMimsyWereTheBorogoves

LOL, that sounds like so many "Mummies" I hear talking to their, usually out of control & out of order, beloved angels....

Makes me snort everytime as the kid just ignores them & carries on regardless!! I'd love to see what sort of adults their little darlings grow up to be - although I have do an idea already

Mimsy

person

That's exactly the crap you hear ^^ those are the kids that end up on here wanting coping techniques because nobody wants to be around them.

No I wouldn't give it two thoughts, she didn't harm the child physically unlike the child may have done to the poor terrapins!!

I gave up smacking/tapping/flicking children entirely, when I realised I'd internalised certain expressions of disapproval from my own violent childhood. I compensate with some Very Stern facial & vocal behaviour, and would physically block a child which I suppose some would call violence. Still, I don't think most people need to have made 'no physical indicators of disapproval towards children' pacts with themselves. Tapping or grabbing (or flicking!) is pretty instinctive behaviour when you want to attract their attention or stop them doing something. Might have been slightly better to have found a no-contact way of stopping him, but she didn't do wrong :)

AllMimsy What you are saying is not always so far from the truth. I have heard similar before.

I was once out walking my dog (a labrador) and a little way behind me were a mum and her toddler boy. The boy ran up behind my dog, seized hold of his tail, hung tightly onto it and didn't want to let go.

All the mum did was plead in a sickly sweet voice "Oh darling, please don't do that. The doggy might not like it much sweetheart". Nearly made me want to puke on the spot.

My dog is child friendly (though never left unattended with little ones), but it was hurting him and I had to work hard ensuring he could not whirl round at the child. I actually had to say to the mum "get your child away now, or I may not be able to guarantee my dog's continued good behaviour because of the pain being caused".

I don't "do" wishy washy parenting.

Instinctive, yes, that's what it was.

It's something I may well have done myself if I saw someone, anyone, being cruel to an animal I'd stop them, instinctively.

At a wildlife centre/lake place I sat in the cafe and watched a 9 or 10 year old eye-up the very tame ducks. He checked over each shoulder to ensure he wasn't being observed then pushed one into the lake with the toe of his boot. While he was lining up to do another I snuck behind him until my mouth was inches from his ear. In my most sinister voice, I hissed 'Never do that again'
He nearly shat himself.
Is that better or worse?
I have no regrets.

how odd to flick someone else

not on at all

How odd to abuse terrapins.
Not on at all.

Velvetbee, love it.

I am sure someone will be along shortly to tell you how you must have scarred the poor little shit fella for life.

Topsey I have had similar. A spirited young darling throwing stones at my tethered dog's head. Could easily have broken her teeth.

I'm afraid that, without regard for his emotional fragility, I barked "Stop doing that NOW" at him. He did.

And I do not understand why people keeping talking about parenting. This is not about parenting, as L is not the child's parent. She was a stranger who intervened to stop an animal being badly hurt.

There is no comparison between a light flick and crushing an animal's shell or skull.

a flick is basically a slap with the back of the hand.Whether it be hard or soft it is still a slap..If you approve of flicking, you approve of smacking.
Under what circumstances would you be happy with a strange adult, and a drunk one at that, smacking your child?

If you approve of flicking, you approve of smacking.

No.

queen "if you approve of flicking, your approve of smacking".

Bollocks.

And you've alleged that the flicker was drunk - has that been confirmed, or is it just a straw man?

I think the focus should be what the child was potentially doing to the animal, rather than the instricasies of whether a flick is a smack or whatever.

The child needed stopping as parenting wasn't in evidence.The child wasn't injured and the situation ended drama free.

Ok so a different appproach may have worked.It may not.

But this one did

Where does it say Ms Flick was drinking?