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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Flicking an unknown child for throwing rocks at terrapins

285 replies

Rafterplease · 16/08/2014 18:38

I'm sitting in a pub and we are discussing an AIBU of one of the group.

Here's the scenario:

L is in Greece. There's a park with a pool and terrapins in it. A kid - roughly seven - is throwing rocks at the terrapins. The kid is blond but probably Greek. L is standing next to the kid and, fairly gently, instinctively flicks the kid with the back of her hand and says (in English) 'don't do that'. There was no parent in sight. The kid ran away.

L just didnt think, acted totally on instinct. She feels very guilty about doing this. Should she be beating herself up over it?

OP posts:
CarmineRose1978 · 17/08/2014 20:14

queen The only person who has mentioned L possibly being drunk is chopin. There's nothing in the OP or since to suggest she'd even had a glass of wine! So you're on a non-starter there... If you're going to argue against her actions, at least get them right.

Northernlurker · 17/08/2014 20:34

I wouldn't smack or flick somebody else's child. I have smacked my own though. I don't regret it at all and they are not violence obsessed sociopaths as a result.
In this case I would have spoken very firmly to the obnoxious child and probably scared him more than Madame Flick managed.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/08/2014 20:44

Agree with chopinbabe
L was unreasonable in physically chastising the child.
Why not just take the rock off him?

TheElementsSong · 17/08/2014 20:51

How was L to have taken the rock away without making some form of physical violent abuse contact?

SixImpossible · 17/08/2014 21:05

I don't read the 'flick' as punishment. I read the 'flick' as a means of getting the boy's attention. It was not an attack, assault or chastisement.

BTW, assault in UK law is not necessarily being hit by someone. If I'm not mistaken you can be charged with assault if you cause someone to fear that you will hit them.

Would a flick to get your attention, followed by a sternly spoken "Don't do that" cause you to fear you were about to be hit?

I suspect that the words would be more frightening to a child than the flick, because they tell the child they are doing something wrong - which the flick does not - and therefore punishment or chastisement may follow. Which would also explain why the child ran away.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/08/2014 21:17

You can call it what you like ("flicking" "tapping") but striking a child on the head is hitting and its unacceptable in this scenario imo.
Taking a rock out of someone's hand needn't incur an act of violence.
There appears to have been no attempt to tell him to stop.
Even if he were not english he is very likely to have understood the language and "stop that" said sternly is likely to have got his attention without having to hit him.

gamerchick · 17/08/2014 21:19

Now we're getting somewhere Grin so speaking sternly would have been a lot better than the gentle chivvying way that was mentioned pages back then?

TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/08/2014 21:23

now we're getting somewhere
?
I dont think its ok to hit a child.
You obviously do.
Lets just agree to disagree.

gamerchick · 17/08/2014 21:25

Well on that perhaps. But you have agreed that the kid needed some level of harshness to make him stop?

LiberalLibertines · 17/08/2014 21:25

It...was...a...flick.

Not a hit.

CarmineRose1978 · 17/08/2014 21:29

Did L flick the child's head? I didn't see that in any of the OP's posts.

FunLovinBunster · 17/08/2014 21:36

Perhaps L should have thrown rocks at the child.
Loving the "talking gently and not shouting at naughty children".
No wonder teachers feel they're not allowed to enforce discipline in school.

MissBeehiving · 17/08/2014 21:36

I don't think the OP has mentioned where Ms Flick actually flicked the Terrapin Terroriser.

No one knows what languages TT spoke either and because of that I think Ms Flick could be excused from a lengthy diatribe on why it's not a good idea to throw rocks at animals or anything else for that matter.

samsam123 · 17/08/2014 21:53

whats a flick

samsam123 · 17/08/2014 21:53

whats a flick

KurriKurri · 17/08/2014 21:55

I probably wouldn't have flicked, because I am not in favour of physical methods of child wrangling.On the other hand I think a terrapin being stoned is more alarming than a child being flicked. And seven year olds should know better even if terrapins are cunts one of life's less naturally charming creatures.

I was at a butterfly farm yesterday, a girl of about seven or eight was determinedly trying to pull apart two mating butterflies. Her parents were nowhere to be seen, I said 'put those down you are hurting them' and she did, and ran off presumably to tell her mother about the scary old woman she'd just encountered. If she'd carried on pulling them I might have had to resort to flicking, - who knows? - It was a butterfly emergency.

GarlicAugustus · 17/08/2014 22:01

OP said: "As I am not L herself, I can only go by what she was doing in the pub to demonstrate. It's quite hard to describe. I'm not sure I can describe it any better than I did above, sorry – it was fairly gentle, with the back of her hand facing the direction of motion and fingers splayed out. It would not have hurt the child. It probably would have startled the child (which was of course the point)"

The thread's promoted this action to a sharp smack round the head, possibly with a hammer Wink Oh, and L was clearly drunk although OP hasn't said anything of the sort.

Sounds like rather a prudish little girl, Kurri!

SquirrelledAway · 17/08/2014 22:10

I think a re enactment of the death of Aeschylus would have been appropriate in these circumstances.

Only with a terrapin instead of a tortoise.

Topseyt · 17/08/2014 22:15

This is becoming more and more like a game of Chinese Whispers.

What began as a flick of the hand has apparently now escalated into the child being hit on the head by a drunkard.

The actions were proportionate, and the terrapins were saved from harm. She didn't throw the boy into the water or anything like that (though that could have been a tempting option Wink ).

SixImpossible · 17/08/2014 22:22

You can call it what you like ("flicking" "tapping") but striking a child on the head is hitting and its unacceptable in this scenario imo.
Taking a rock out of someone's hand needn't incur an act of violence.
There appears to have been no attempt to tell him to stop.

Read the OP:

L is standing next to the kid and, fairly gently, instinctively flicks the kid with the back of her hand and says (in English) 'don't do that'. There was no parent in sight. The kid ran away.

ilovesooty · 17/08/2014 22:26

I suppose according to some of the posters on this thread L should have negotiated with him.

Fuck that. He was a vile little bully hurting
defenceless animals. Good for L if she made him stop and run away.

KurriKurri · 17/08/2014 22:33

She may well have been the childish equivalent of Mary Whitehouse Garlic , if so she is in for a life time of people telling her not to be a killjoy Grin I felt that since the butterflies only live for a few days, a bit of sex without being yanked apart mid deed is something they should be entitled to, whatever the morals of doing it in a public place.

There were also terrapins at the butterfly farm - but none were stoned on my watch as self appointed interfering old bat.

trufflehunterthebadger · 17/08/2014 22:33

Under what circumstances would you be happy with a strange adult, and a drunk one at that, smacking your child?

If she was flinging rocks at terrapins.

SixImpossible · 17/08/2014 22:38

Who? What? Where?

What drunk adult? What smack?

Are we reading the same OP and update?

IamnotaStepfordHousewife · 17/08/2014 22:43

Of course IWNU and if it was my son I would say thank you for stopping him. Assault my arse!