AIBU to physically enjoy sex with a man even though I feel I'm gay?

[Abloodybigmessinside]

I guess I'm looking for opinions as to whether this is normal.
I can have a nice time whilst being intimate with a man, even manage to climax with the right 'help'... But, I used to date women and really yearn to be with a woman. I feel I'm gay..
Are there any other gay people out there that have enjoyed sex with the opposite sex but were still sure they were gay? It's just a feeling I have inside.

I'm not straight

You think it's reductive Garlic, but I found your comment rather offensive on behalf of lesbians I know.
Lesbians get a ton of shit for not wanting to be with men. They are told things like they have just not found the right man yet, everyone is all fluuuiiid anyway, they need dick to change their minds etc.

But in the past a lot of gay people had straight marriages for years and years and had children etc so they must have had sex.

It's not really the same, the social norm is to be straight, therefore even if you're gay or lesbian you are still forced to contemplate the idea of sex with the opposite sex just because that is all around you and the default expectation. Whether or not it repulses you, and whether or not you ever go there is probably a separate issue to who you are attracted to or not. Conversely most straight people have probably never been forced to think about having sex with someone of the same sex so it would be alien for most of them to consider it. And of course some might in a curious or indifferent way and that doesn't make them not straight either.

I didn't read garlic's comment as offensive in any way. She was saying that a very broad generalisation about lesbians is bonkers, nothing to do with lesbians or homosexuality being bonkers.

they need dick to change their minds etc. Eeuw! Do people still say that?

The lesbians I know are capable of being offended all by themselves.

Anyway I hope it was a misunderstanding and that you didn't mean that lesbians want to have sex with men.
Good night, leaving the thread

Thank you, Bertie. And yy to your other comments.

I am grateful of all the comments on my post, I really feel a lot clearer in my thoughts. Even those of you who are disagreeing or telling me I'm not a lesbian have helped

I watched an interview with Ellen recently where she said she loved men, she even almost married one.. But for her, her sexuality was about a soul connection that she can only feel with women...

Aww, that's lovely :) Ellen makes me want to be lesbian!

Yeah, I thought it was a nice way of describing it

What about the term "un-boundaried"? Could that be useful here?
OP I'm a bit confused what you're asking if you're rejecting the "labels". Sorry if I've misunderstood, it's what you seemed to me to be asking. Glad you've found the discussion helpful though. It sounds like you're trying to work out whether this relationship is working for you. I think you need to separate the relationship issues from the question of your sexual identity. It doesn't really mater "what" you are if the relationship is working. If it isn't, identity issues might come into it when it comes to looking for a new relationship. I remember a gay-ish friend expressing confusion when she began internet dating cos she couldn't decide whether to "look for" a man or a woman. I think she found a girlfriend in the end and was happy with that.

Not much to add that hasn't been said, just that as a gay woman it dosnt offend me if you class yourself as gay (not that I would in the same situation). A label is a very personal thing and one you can only decide by yourself based on how you feel. No one else has the right to label someone based on how they perceive their actions!

Some Men do the whole "I bet I can turn you" crap because they are creeps, nothing at all to do with what people chose to identify as.

Hmm not l together sure what I'm asking either really.

I guess I'm very confused as my actions don't seem to match my inner most feelings.

My relationship is ok, if it were a best friends kind of relationship. We get on very well but hardly have sex and this has always been an issue.

In one way I would find it easy to stay together because I'm comfortable but then I keep wondering if I could find a truly fulfilling relationship with a woman.. One that ticked all the boxes, one where I didn't constantly feel guilty for not fancying sex..

Loads of people don't fancy sex much in long-term relationships. That doesn't mean you're with the right person, just don't imagine everyone else is at it like rabbits.

Sexuality is fluid. I believe there is a sexuality spectrum we fall somewhere on, very few people are strictly gay or strictly straight. Most people at some point in their lives will either try it or want to, even if it's only once. You don't require a label to justify what or who you are, you like and want who you like and want!

For me I enjoy sex with both but could only have an actual relationship with men. Mainly because I don't get along with women very well, too complicated for me (and I am a woman ftr, I just understand men better.)

Attheend - oh I know it's normal in long term relationships, but it's been this way in our relationships since really early on.

I've been with only women for 24 years. I used to have relationships with men and sometimes enjoyed the sex with them. Being a lesbian to me is about something more than sex. It's an identity thing that I find hard to explain. I've only ever felt strong and myself in relationships with women . I can never imagine having a long term relationship with a man. Interestingly, when I did go out with men I looked quite boyish but since I 've been with women I've enjoyed being very feminine. I have no idea why, this just feels like me.

Interesting chocca.. I think that is it, it just feels like that's who I am..

It is normal to not fancy sex in long term relationships. That will happen no matter what relationship, as time goes on desire wanes.

I think sexuality is very fluid and there is very little black and white. I'm in a lesbian relationship, I've been attracted to/fallen in love with women for as long as I can remember, I cam out at school when I was twelve. Nonetheless I still ended up dating more guys than women, was married briefly to a man and have enjoyed sex with men. But, now being with a woman, it feels "right" and I guess I would identify as gay.

Having said that, I'm friends with a lot of lesbian women, who have only ever been with women, are fairly butch, yet, when we were talking about this the other day, said they would certainly consider having sex with a man.

At the moment I'd say I was about 95% lesbian. But whether that figure is liable to change or not, I don't know.

I think you can feel lesbian and have sex with a man.

What does it matter? Some of us don't need a label...we're just people.

Man or woman, who you love and fuck is your choice and you don't have to justify what you feel to anyone, even yourself. It can be a road to ruin fighting it....

itsbetter - As I said before, I know it's normal in a long term relationship to lose interest in sex.. My point was, it's been like this since the very early days of the relationship.

Freckled - thanks for sharing.. Thays kind of how I feel, that it just feels 'right' with women (from what I can remember!)

Gemma - I don't know why it matters but it does to me. I feel like I have just drifted along making the wrong decisions in life because I have never sat down and thought about what I really want. Just trying to work that out now.