Page 4 | WWYD if your 15 year old daughter...

MrsAtticus · 2014-08-13T19:22:50+00:00

brought home a 22 year old boyfriend? (sorry it's not actually an aibu)

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/08/2014 01:17

I am about to marry my dp, who is 19 years older than me. I am 25 and we have been together since I was 20. I was an adult when we met.

Your situation - I would wonder how your dd met her bf but also be willing to meet him.

Thisvehicleisreversing · 14/08/2014 01:29

At 15 I had a few boyfriends who were late teens/early twenties.

The eldest was 22 and drove a mini. My mum happily waved me off to the pub with him.

But then again my mum trusted me to go to the local alternative club from the age of 14. but only in the school holidays

WeAreEternal · 14/08/2014 06:01

The law is clear. It states in the Sexual Offences Act 2003, it is a criminal offence for any kind of sexual activity to take place between two people where one or both participants is under 16.

If one of the participants is 12 or under the older person will automatically be committing rape or sexual assault regardless of concent.
It is commonly referred to as ‘statutory rape’, although this term does not exist in the UK legal system. It is almost always prosecuted.

If one of the participants is 13-15 year old, it is still considered to be sexual assault, as someone under 16 can not legally consent to sexual activity, but how they are dealt with will depend on their age. Someone aged 18 or over will usually be dealt with more severely than someone under 18. But even if they are under 18 they can still be prosecuted, even if the other person consented.

KoalaDownUnder · 14/08/2014 06:11

Every parent I know would freak the hell out.

A 7-year age gap when the younger person is only 15 is WAY too much.

MexicanSpringtime · 14/08/2014 06:21

My dd did that and I accepted it. I don't know if I did the right thing, but she was always rebellious and I didn't want to push her rebellion too far. Eventually she got bored with him because I think he was emotionally stunted, I mean she kept on growing and he didn't.

differentnameforthis · 14/08/2014 06:22

Going in gung Ho will means it will last longer than it might naturally

not always. We have been married 20yrs now. Being too passive doesn't work either. Regardless of that, I do wish my parents had said something. I was the kind of girl that wasn't in a hurry to have sex, so even if he had wanted that, he wouldn't have got it from me willingly. However, I do feel that in the midst of their war, my parents neglected to find anything wrong with this. No one talked to us, no one told him it was inappropriate etc. As I said before, thankfully he was raised well & I was never at any risk.

Looking back, I wished I had someone to talk to about it. Even when I was 16 & lost my vaginity to him, I was still very young & naive to be in such a relationship. I took care of everything myself (contraception etc) but no one told me that perhaps I should be doubling up, or that it was both our responsibilities.

But then, no one really gave a shit about me, so it I was lucky that he did. And I guess that is what attracted me to him, he was older & I thought wiser (he was, in fact a little naive as to our relationship, I think, looking back now) and I saw him as a way out of my home life. We had a joint mortgage by the time I was 19. As for why he got involved with a 15 yr old, neither of us know fully, to be fair. He said I was very mature, wise & caring, but that is all he can remember.

he certainly didn't do it for sex.

Groovee · 14/08/2014 06:30

I wouldn't be leaving them alone. I was 19 when I met dh who is 8 years older. I had reservations about the age gap.

An 11 year old slept with a 14 year old at DD's school last year and he was charged after her mother found out.

zzzzz · 14/08/2014 06:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissBeehiving · 14/08/2014 06:42

A couple of girls did this when I was at school. They were the more "vulnerable" ones and the blokes basically couldn't sustain a relationship with a woman their age so had to look down the age bracket. It's easier to dominate a person when they're 15 maybe that's part of the attraction. One of the girls became pregnant, hid the pregnancy and had the baby in the toilets at school

All seemed a bit sad and desperate rather than "cool" even then, now it seems deeply unpleasant and would be questioning their motives.

Igggi · 14/08/2014 06:55

Zzzz - really, no opportunity to meet a 22 year old? Not in the cafe after swimming, the older brother of a school friend, a lad working in a local shop?
I think unless her name is Rapunzel a 15 year old can meet the opposite sex fairly easily!

ScrambledEggAndToast · 14/08/2014 06:58

Far too large an age gap at 15, all seems a bit creepy that a 22 year old man would even want to go out with a school girl. Don't let this continue, I'm surprised you even need to ask

CuttedUpPear · 14/08/2014 06:59

Would everybody please READ THE THREAD? ??

The OP said this is not her DD.

It was HER.

Many moons ago I suspect.

What the point of the thread is, since OP is contributing zilch, is anyone's guess.

aprilanne · 14/08/2014 07:35

my mum was 15 and my dad 21 when they met .so as long as he knows the boundaries .cant see a problem .

Toooldtobearsed · 14/08/2014 07:38

Well, I met a 22 year old man when I had just turned 16. When I was 17, I married him. We have now been together for 35 years.
It depends on maturity etc.,
If I had a daughter who did the same I would probably freak out, but it worked for us.

JoanBakersShopCake · 14/08/2014 07:49

DH would be too busy procuring a shotgun

Why? Genuine question. What would it achieve? IF you have brought your DD up properly then you should trust her to do the right thing.

Which is not to have sex before she's able to legally consent.

Relationships before the age of 16 are not illegal nor are large age gaps.

This thread is by the daughter btw NOT the parents...

JohnFarleysRuskin · 14/08/2014 07:51

There was a good film about this (kind of ) scenario a couple of years ago.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/An_Education

Happypenguin2014 · 14/08/2014 07:57

I met my husband when I was just turned 16 and he was 23.

PlacidApricots · 14/08/2014 08:05

I know of a couple, the bloke born in 1964 and the woman 1985, think on that one!

differentnameforthis · 14/08/2014 08:10

It's easier to dominate a person when they're 15 maybe that's part of the attraction.

Not always. There was absolutely no domination in my relationship, in either direction.

DogCalledRudis · 14/08/2014 08:20

My DH is... 26 years older. But i met him when i was 20.
My worries would be that he is an adult and has access to "adult privileges" -- cars, booze, nightlife. And for a 15yo that would be getting in the way of her education.

StillFrigginRexManningDay · 14/08/2014 08:28

I was that 15 year old, my boyfriend was 23. My mum knew his parents so therefore he was ok. We went to pubs and clubs and concerts and away for weekends. My mum knew all this and knew we were having sex. We broke up after about a year.

But looking back I do wonder what he saw in a 15 year old child, who was obviously a child no matter how grown up I thought I was. He wasn't the only older man either. A dark part of me wonders about their real intentions as at 15 I looked so much younger like a well developed 11/12 year old. I thought it was all fine and good when I was in the relationship but looking back it wasn't, it wasn't bad but it was far from right. I do wish my parents had done someyhing but I suppose I was 15 and 15 year olds know everything. I was also very vulnerable with zero self esteem. I was very mature for 15 but I was in no way equipped for an adult world. I see my own dd who is 15 and having had one boyfriend her own age who she dumped after a month and she has no interest in having a relationship.

princessconsuelobananahammock · 14/08/2014 09:27

I think 15 is very young but I am a bit weird about this as I started seeing my husband when I was 16 (2 weeks off 17) & he was 24. As a poster above said though we took it very easy, didn't have sex until I was properly ready, I was almost 18 by then. I knew he didn't know how old I was when we first met so I was v clear on our first date. I also thought he was 21 so the first few weeks were a bit on/ off as it was a bit of a weird situation!! The relationship had the effect of making me really focus at school (A Levels) as I was v aware that if I'd cocked up he'd be blamed. I was always going to go to Uni, develop a career etc & he totally supported, encouraged & gave me space to do that. I used to see him every couple of weeks when i was at Uni, lived with a load of girls & had a ball. He was v conscious of not stifling me at Uni/early 20s so that worked well. We've had our ups and downs and a couple of short term breaks along the way but we've grown up together & I adore him...most of the time!

DogCalledRudis · 14/08/2014 09:40

The "child" thing is a technicality at 15. It only matters if relationship is sexual. Otherwise, i think its more important WHO the boyfriend is, what does he do in life.

zzzzz · 14/08/2014 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VSeth · 14/08/2014 09:50

I was 15 when I met my 22 (nearly 23) year old BF. We waited until I was 16 for sex, we were together for 11 years.

I don't think I valued my parents opinion at the time, had they have banned me from seeing him I would have found a way.

My parents didn't seem too bothered, they were recently divorced and had new partners and DSis had been such a nightmare teen I think they left me to my own devices, to make my own choices.

Not sure if it makes any difference but where I grew up there was no sixth form. You left school at 16 and went to college to do A levels/BTec so when I met him in the Easter holidays I wasn't a school girl for long.

I wasn't groomed and age didn't factor into our eventual break up.