WWYD if your 15 year old daughter...

[MrsAtticus]

brought home a 22 year old boyfriend?
(sorry it's not actually an aibu)

[VSeth]

Sorry I missed the actual question.

What would I do? Talk to her , cover safe sex, mutual respect, emotional abuse etc etc and try to get to know him, fairly quickly.

[ThistleDoMeNicely]

Zzzz my older guy worked at the bowling alley (it had a bar section as most do) as a bouncer, that's how I met him. A fairly normal thing to do with friends at that age I would think. They will have opportunity to meet an older person. Could even be a friends older brother (my other friends story).

[PleaseJustShootMeNow]

My mum was 15 when she met my dad 35 year old dad. They got married as soon as she turned 16 and were married for 45 years until he passed away.

[jamdonut]

My 22 year old son is terrified of accidentally going out with girls under 18 for fear of being branded ( in his words) "a paedo". He says it is so difficult to tell if they are " too young". He hasn't had a proper girlfriend yet,and feels very left out, I think, but the prospect of finding out a girl is younger than she looks/says,scares him more.

I really hope that when he goes to Uni things will be different for him.

Now, if my daughter brought home a much older boyfriend...I would be very , but as she is 17 I don't think I would actually ban him.

[LouisaJF]

When I was 15 I started seeing a 28 year old. I realise know how wrong this was but at the time I couldn't see it, I was in 'love'. My parents knew him and knew he was a fairly decent guy. They made the decision to give the relationship their blessing. This meant I didn't have to hide anything. The knew where I was at all times and we were often under their roof all together. The relationship went on for 4 years until I finally saw the light. They said that they let it happen so that I could always talk to them about what was happening and they could keep an eye on things.

If this was my child I'm not sure I could do this but it is food for thought.

[VSeth]

I met my older ex when I was working in a Wine Bar during holidays and on a Saturday.

[ThistleDoMeNicely]

My point really was you don't need to build a friendship. People meet and swap numbers within an hour or two all the time.

I didn't mean to imply you lock your daughter up I just would never assume it would never happen. I always think that's a dangerous mindset to get into.

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

We went to discos and pubs from 14, everyone in my area did. Plenty of the lads we had last dances and the odd kiss off were probably 20-25. The music was too loud to ask.

Most people left school at 16 and many had serious relationships that lasted for years. Some ended in marrige, some didn't.

Young farmers 14-26 was simply a rural match.com

Underage sex was rare not because of the law, but because we couldn't have got contraception easily. No condom mashines, we wouldnt have trusted some one not to see us at the doctor's or chemists. Everyone gossiped.

[ApprenticeViper]

My DB was the 22 year old in this situation. His GF was 15 but had lied and told him she was 16. It was me who had to tell him the truth when I was on a night out and bumped into the GF - asked her how her GCSE revision was going and (obviously confused after a couple of drinks) she looked all puzzled and said she was only in Year 10. My eyebrows shot up so fast they nearly met my hairline, and she scarpered.

My DB was concerned, obviously, but not as concerned as our DParents, who went ballistic. Strangely, the GF's parents weren't bothered at all, it was fine for DB to stay over (don't know whether it was in separate rooms - hope to god it was but not a question I would have felt right about asking!) and he was always welcome at their house.

It fizzled out after a couple of years -funnily enough, when she passed her driving test and didn't need him to chauffeur her around....

[Igggi]

Thistle - exactly. A "hook-up" would take what - a chat and a swapping of phone numbers. Or someone looking you up on Facebook or Twitter. And people can become very intimate very quickly through the written word.

[differentnameforthis]

zzzzz

I didn't spend any time around adult males, unless you count my friends fathers!

We met at a chance meeting through my sisters friend. He was an older relative.

I met him for 5 minutes after school while sat in my house.

[differentnameforthis]

My point really was you don't need to build a friendship

Exactly. That on meeting led me to thinking taht I wanted to be with this guy. I knew NOTHING about him, but felt attracted to him as soon as I saw him! I pursued him, I got my sisters friend to talk to him. He said no at first.

We did met a couple more times, briefly. Nothing really long enough to form/build a friendship. Then we started seeing each other & that is when our friendship formed.

[DownstairsMixUp]

I wouldn't be concerned about a 15 year old being interested in someone in their 20's, that is normal, wanting to "grow up" and it's kind of cool to you having an older boyfriend (speak from personal experience) however, i would be really concerned about the 22 year old. It's not normal to be attracted to a 15 year old. I used to think I looked so grown up at 15, boobs, hips etc but tbh, you are just like a scaled down version of a woman and physically you do not look grown up and mentally you sure as hell aren't, no matter how much you maintain "I know everything I'm so mature for 15 etc" I have two sons but I'd be concerned if they told me they had a 15 year old girlfriend. 7 years age gap matters less and less as you BOTH get older but when one of you is under 18 it is a huge difference and just creepy. I'd never ever have even considered dating a 15 year old when I was a 22 year old woman. Creepy.

[Chocoholic36]

Well I was 16 and Dh was 29. He certainly didn't go out looking for a younger girlfriend. I was a junior accountant and went out for a drink with colleagues - I looked about 21/22 I met him in the pub and I thought he was about 24/25. Funnily enough we never mentioned our ages and it wasn't until we had been together 3 months that it came up. It was very much a shock and we split up for 6 months.

My parents went batshit crazy which as a parent I now understand, but at the time it just made me want to be with him more. I knew he was 'the one'. We got back together and have now been together 18 years.

Even though I have a happy ever after I would feel deeply uncomfortable with this. At 15 the child is still at school. I was going out drinking most weekends and working full time so I had a very adult life I suppose.

When I was growing up it was very common for the 15/16 year olds to have 22/23 year old boyfriends.

[MexicanSpringtime]

zzzzz I'm afraid you remind me of the mother of one of my daughter's friends. She was convinced her daughter was a virgin and looked down on me and my friend who knew our daughters weren't, when all the while her daughter not only was not a virgin but was indulging in unsafe sex and running around with drunk drivers.

Fortunately no harm came to the girl.

[MrsAtticus]

Sorry I started this discussion last night thinking I was having a leisurely evening on mumsnet but that didn't happen!
I posted because as I've got older and had children of my own some of my parents decisions have made me a bit
Not that I'm looking to judge them as they are great, but don't think I'd have made the same decisions. As another poster mentioned, in the late 1990's girls in their early teens often had bfs in their late teens and early 20's, I even remember some guys hanging round the school playing fields which I'm sure would be a scandal these days but no one seemed too bothered.
It definitely led me into situations I was too young to handle.

[VitoCorleone]

Well, i don't have any daughters, but if my 15 year old son brought home a 21/22 year old girlfriend id hit the fucking roof. Why would a 21/22 year old be interested in a child of 15? Its just wrong.

[picnicbasketcase]

When I was 16 I had a 23yo bf and nobody had any problem with it. I don't think they would have if it had been a year earlier either tbh. However if it was my DD I don't think I'd be too pleased. So.., I'm not sure really

[SirChenjin]

I would be very concerned - well balanced, normal men of 22 are generally not interested in 15 year old girls. By that stage in life they will have been through university, graduated and be out looking for the first rung on the career ladder. Their social lives will revolve around from friends from uni and work, and young girls won't feature on their radar.

However, if he wasn't one who had gone down the usual route that I am familiar with then I would be making sure my DD and I were having very long chats, and DH and I would welcome him with open arms and big smiles - whilst making sure that he was fully aware that we were watching his every single move and every tiny step. The creep.

[FraidyCat]

I don't think statutory rape exists in the UK

Statutory rape is not a British concept, people have been watching to much TV.

Only scanned the thread, so don't know if this has already been addressed in detail.

The law says that someone 12 or younger cannot consent to sex, in that case the charge would be rape.

For 13 to 15 years olds, the law says they can consent, however it is still an offence to have sex with them. I'm not sure what the offence is called, I think it is something like sexual activity with a child.

[VitoCorleone]

Its sex with a minor and the police wont do anything unless the minor wants them to

When i was 15 my best friend was going with a lad that was 18, her mum phoned the police, i was there when the police came, they asked my friend if she wanted to press any charges, friend said absolutely not, police said in that case there was nothing they could do.