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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have MIL's dog in the house

91 replies

NoRoomForALittleOne · 10/08/2014 19:59

We have 4 DCs and three of them are scared of dogs. DD2 will scream and run off if she even has to walk on the same side of the road as a dog on a lead. DD1 used to be like but has grown out of the phase in her own time. MIL knows exactly what the DCs are like around dogs but has decided to get a puppy anyway. The puppy is very good for her and I'm pleased it is working out well after her months of deliberation.

However, MIL has now asked to visit. We said that we can accommodate her but not the dog. I have said to DH before any conversations with MIL that I do not want a dog in the house for several reasons (mainly respecting the DCs and wanting them to feel safe in their own home but also not wanting dog smell/dog hair/dog in our kitchen and dining room/dog on our £900 carpet Shock). DH did not make this super-crystal clear to his DM so now she wants to stay in a b&b and bring the dog with her to our house during the day. I should add that the dog has already wrecked her garden so I'm not happy to have the dog out there.

I am not happy. I am not a dog-lover. I don't particularly want a dog in my home. DH thinks that IABU and it's only because it is MIL. He is trying to talk me round rather than talk to his mum. MIL has left the dog with a friend before. I would like her to do that again. There is no way that our children will actually get her attention if she has the dog with her and she says that she wants to visit to see the children. She also wants to being her friend and her friend's dog too.

So AIBU to say no dog in the house/garden at the moment? And AIBU to get DH to talk to his mother as he is the one who wasn't clear in the first place? I am already the evil DiL who stole her son away.

OP posts:
WeddingWoes4 · 10/08/2014 20:04

YANBU.

She should respect your decision to not have a dog in the house, it is your home.

Would you go and visit your MIL now she has a dog or do you expect her to visit you to avoid going to her home because of the dog?

Bowlersarm · 10/08/2014 20:04

I think you should let her bring him/her. If it doesn't work out, point out why she shouldn't bring him/her next time.

You sound like you don't like dogs? Maybe that's why your dc don't?

Piccarcas · 10/08/2014 20:04

How do your children manage when you visit your MIL?

PorkPieandPickle · 10/08/2014 20:05

YANBU!! It is incredibly rude to expect to take your dog to someone else's house. I would tell your DH that you have a right to say no to dogs on the house and he will have to tell his DM to put the dog in kennels like most people do when they go away!

PorkPieandPickle · 10/08/2014 20:06

Oh and lots of dog lovers will probably say YABU but you aren't. It's YOUR house. If YOU don't like dogs, YOU don't have to have one in your house!

ADishBestEatenCold · 10/08/2014 20:07

Presumably you don't ever want the dog in your house (not just at the moment, while it's a puppy)?

In that case, I think you have to make that very clear from the outset and, if that is your decision and not your DH's (it sounds as if your DH would allow her to bring the dog), I think you should be the one to tell her.

Would you allow your DCs to visit her?

Fairylea · 10/08/2014 20:08

Yanbu. I'd feel exactly the same.

Bowlersarm · 10/08/2014 20:09

It sounds like it's a reason to have a pop at your mil to me. Your dh says it is only because it's your mil. He is happy to have the puppy. Isn't it his house too?

StackladysMorphicResonator · 10/08/2014 20:09

YADNBU! Get your DH to man up and tackle this - presumably he's equally concerned about his DC? It's not fair that you get portrayed as the "evil" DIL - you need to present yourselves as a united front, loyalty to eachother is the foundation of a good marriage.

LEMmingaround · 10/08/2014 20:10

Yabu -why are your children scared of dogs? Unless there has been a bad experience then its probably your doing. This would be a good opportunity for your children to get used to a dog. Saying that it is a bit much to expect so eone to accomodate your dog but you aren't doing your children any favours.

StackladysMorphicResonator · 10/08/2014 20:11

Oh, and I like dogs (don't have any) but think it's completely not acceptable for a dog owner to inflict their pet on anyone who isn't keen.

specialsubject · 10/08/2014 20:11

I like dogs. But not in my house. And I don't want my garden wrecked either. So no dogs come in the house and destructive ones aren't welcome.

Tell her to get a cage or playpen which you put in a shady spot in the garden, with a bowl of water. She takes the dog OFF THE PREMISES several times a day for exercise and picks up all excreta.

or she leaves it with a friend/kennels.

RandomMess · 10/08/2014 20:11

Hmm I love dogs but YANBU.

As an aside having had 2 dc petrified of dogs the sooner you help them overcome their fear so that it is just a sensible wariness the better. However that is not done by having a mad puppy in your house!

MorphineDreams · 10/08/2014 20:13

YANBU but I think you need to address why your children are scared of them, have they got this from you perhaps?

StackladysMorphicResonator · 10/08/2014 20:13

LEMmingaround it's the OP's own home! Why should she be expected to accommodate a dog that she doesn't want? It's not a child, it's an animal!

Whatever the reason for OP's children being afraid of dogs, bringing one into their home for a whole weekend is not going to help them get over it.

StackladysMorphicResonator · 10/08/2014 20:14

Ooh, actually this is a good idea:

Tell her to get a cage or playpen which you put in a shady spot in the garden, with a bowl of water. She takes the dog OFF THE PREMISES several times a day for exercise and picks up all excreta

SquattingNeville · 10/08/2014 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Agggghast · 10/08/2014 20:16

So whose house is it yours or your and DH's. Feel it is odd to ban MIL, maybe she cannot get dog sitter at the moment? If your DC are afraid of dogs perhaps you should help them get over the fear rather than allowing them to suffer on a, probably, daily basis. Mumsnet is full of evil MIL threads but I do think YABU, your DH has a right to welcome his mother into his home.

Pico2 · 10/08/2014 20:19

YANBU I would ever let a dog in our house and I can't see any circumstances that would make that an unreasonable decision. It really is your house, your rules.

Pico2 · 10/08/2014 20:19

Never, not ever.

spongebob5 · 10/08/2014 20:20

YANBU, I love dogs & have a 6 month old puppy but it's your home not MILs. Mine chews everything, moults, drools & runs about like a wild thing. Perhaps MILs dog is an angel? But still she should respect your wishes & do should your DH. Your DC do need to get used to dogs though. Avoiding them completely won't help their fears, but I appreciate you don't want to tackle this at home.

Pico2 · 10/08/2014 20:20

The OP hasn't said that the MIL can't come to stay, just the dog.

MaryWestmacott · 10/08/2014 20:21

obviously your DH doesn't think it's that much of an issue, so he's not making it clear. Time for you to call her, say that there's been a mix up, that you don't want the dog in your house at any point, so she can't really bring the dog with her, unless the B&B owners are happy to have the puppy while she's at yours.

I think as long as you are nice and say several times that you really want her to visit, it's just you don't want any dogs in your house, then it should be ok.

If she takes umbridge, even though she knows you don't like dogs and her DGC are scared of dogs, then that's her problem, not yours. She's going to come in contact with a lot of people who are scared of dogs, who have allergies etc. Just because she loves her dog, she needs to realise not everyone will.

Original poster
NoRoomForALittleOne · 10/08/2014 20:21

I think that people have hit on the roots of the problem. To answer questions - I think it is different visiting MiL as it is the dog's house. While it wil be difficult for the DC's it is not their home (and I don't have to clean up after it!). We only moved here six weeks ago. Previously we were 30 mins down the road from MiL (although we only ever got invited there twice in two years for a meal so it wouldn't have been a common thing to visit anyway).

The thing that is annoying me most is DH's refusal to deal with it and put on a united front. I feel like he would rather upset me than his mum Sad

OP posts:
Buttercup27 · 10/08/2014 20:21

YANBU! And I'm a dog lover. It's your home and your children should be able to feel safe in THEIR home. Your mil should respect this.