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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Children weeing in gardens

124 replies

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 09/08/2014 15:22

Not sure how I feel about it, so interested to see what you all think.

Friend came over yesterday with her ds (3yo), we were playing in the garden and he said he needed to go to the toilet. Friend says oh go to the back [of the garden] and wee there.

This happened twice. My toilet is actually closer than the back of the garden, which is quite long.

A couple of friends I've told were

Wsbu?

OP posts:

Armi · 09/08/2014 18:39

My friend's DS wees in her garden. On the patio. Of course, it's her house and if she thinks that's just a beautiful and lovely way for a child to commune with Nature then that's fine. Personally, I think it's utterly revolting and it stinks.

MyFairyKing · 09/08/2014 18:44

Oh god, so awkward when people bleat on about discrimination without really knowing what discrimination truly entails. Thinking it's grim for a child to pee outside when there is a perfectly decent toilet available and that the child can make it in time is NOT discrimination.

HalfEatenPizza · 09/08/2014 18:46

StillStayingClassySanDiego, yeah, you got me there. I might be a little bit more biased than I should be because I am very scared of the dogs with no leash in the park I pass through each morning with my son in his pushchair. I believe they should be on a leash near a child just in case. So I took it out in this thread. Sorry... :(

startwig1982 · 09/08/2014 18:48

Ds (3) has the occasional wee in the garden and I think it's fine. However, he wouldn't wee in some one else's garden-I would encourage him to use the toilet.

OorWullie · 09/08/2014 18:52

it's gross, and probably leads to what happened the other day in my front garden.

could hear DS' wee friend telling him to "go over there and don't look". I suspected something was up, opened my front door to find DS' friend (5) pissing against the wall/onto the gravel directly beside my front door. i was gobsmacked, told friend that if he needs the toilet to ask to use ours.

i'm assuming it stems from his mum letting him pee wherever he felt like it.

TrucksAndDinosaurs · 09/08/2014 19:00

OP
Has the 3 year old used the loo at yours before successfully?
If so - on their own, or accompanied by adult?

I agree the mum should have asked before directing the child to wee at bottom of the garden but I'm amazed at the expectation that most three year olds could just go and use a loo in someone else's house, even if they've been there before. Even if they could I would expect a bit of mess - splashed water from sink on floor, towels hung awry (if used at all), pee splashed on floor or loo seat...

Maybe the mum was trying to save you bother?

I'm learning a lot here about people's attitudes to small kids.
Fwiw 3 year old DS cannot ever go to the loo anywhere except home, on his potty. He can hold, in pain, for several hours but if desperate can be sometimes persuaded to pee outside. I don't just let him, I encourage it - the alternative is he is in pain.

He has high functioning autism - not that you would guess by looking at him.

We can either not visit friends/not leave house or pee outside discreetly.

I wonder how many people who notice us judge and find it disgusting. I thought people were more laid back about little 2-3 year old kids doing wees.

TheFairyCaravan · 09/08/2014 19:08

Its gross. I can't think of a reason why anyone would send their child to wee in a garden when there is a working toilet in the house. The mother was probably being too lazy to get off her backside to go indoors to help him.

Aeroflotgirl · 09/08/2014 19:13

Trucks you would ask right! Usually tge parent accompanies a child at that age, and helps them. What if he is older and still does not want to use the toilet, except his own.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 09/08/2014 19:13

TrucksAndDinosaurs - with due respect, the scenario you have outlined is completely different from that in the OP.

No-one is judging ALL children, regardless of learning difficulties. This was a mother actively telling her son to wee in the garden. No learning difficulties have been highlighted with that particular child, therefore, not the same at all.

FinnsMum19 · 09/08/2014 19:13

Maybe you should stop telling everyone else and have a word with your friend. Her little boy wee'd in your garden. You are talking about her and her child to others, in real life and on an Internet forum. I know which behaviour I think is worse.

Aeroflotgirl · 09/08/2014 19:15

Op next time she suggests it, tell her that you would prefer her ds use the toilet, direct her to where it is!

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 09/08/2014 19:16

Also, with anyone using ay bathroom, one would expect a certain amount of splashing. I'd personally much prefer a bit of splashing and sploshing to someone toileting in my garden. Maybe I'm strange for thinking that?? I don't think so . . .

TrucksAndDinosaurs · 09/08/2014 19:22

I would ask if in someone's garden but if they said no we would just have to leave.
Out and about, we just have to go in a bush, I have to help him and suck up the judgey looks.

I don't know what we will do when he's older; we don't get to go out much as it is but he's only 3 so I was hoping to get away with it for a while longer.

The majority disgusted comments have made me rethink.
Guess we will just stay in all day every day all summer as play dates and trips out and visits are all going to involve incurring the revulsion of the general public towards a little three year old boy and his mother.

Great.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 09/08/2014 19:24

How do you know OP is talking about this in RL? No mention made in a post that I can see (unless I missed it).

Oh wait - you're not the actual wee-boy's Mum, are you FinnsMum19?? How funny, if that is the case.

Which behaviour is worse - telling your child to wee in someone's garden, or asking anonymously for opinions. Hmm, let me think . . . . .

AgesOfAquarius · 09/08/2014 19:24

No, it attracts rats doesn't it?

VodIsGod · 09/08/2014 19:25

Friend's 3 yo DS wee-ed in pub garden the other day, next to table of people eating food. His mum told him he could do it. I was mortified. No reason why he couldn't have been taken to the loo. Bleurgh,

slithytove · 09/08/2014 19:25

Trucks, this isn't about a child with SN.

It's about a rude mother.

Can you not see the difference to you explaining to a friend what you have told us, and setting the stage as it were in case the situation arises, and some entitled mother telling her child 'go and wee over there' without even having the decency to ask?

Fwiw, I think the pee thing is gross. However if a friend told me what you have, I would not air that opinion, and would point out which bit of the garden I would prefer to be used (e.g, not flowers). I would also sympathise because it sounds very difficult.

2 totally different scenarios.

Bakeoffcakes · 09/08/2014 19:26

I wouldn't mind a 3 year old weeing at the end of the garden.

We have a dogs, and we also get deer, ducks and foxes coming into our garden so a child's wee wouldn't bother me at all.

It's only a wee! And it's not disgusting.

slithytove · 09/08/2014 19:26

And as for being out in public, I would hardly let what the general public think put me off doing anything I wanted / needed to.

Original poster

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 09/08/2014 19:27

this thread has given me a few laughs especially by pizza. I was never disgusted by the boy weeing, just surprised I guess.

Children will soon be adults and we have to teach them manners etc

My pet hate is men pissing in the street, and after this happened I'm wondering if it's why it happens so often.

Friends ds has pissed in my toilet before, is a very self assured confident lad so no issues with being worried etc

OP posts:

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 09/08/2014 19:28

Trucks&Dinosaurs - at the risk of repeating myself, entirely different cases. A child with SN is NOT the same as a lazy, rude mother telling her child to wee in someone's garden. No-one is judging you, personally.

MyFairyKing · 09/08/2014 19:29

Trucks This is a completely different scenario. You're just reading what you want to read.

slithytove · 09/08/2014 19:30

And it would gross me out a hell of a lot more someone weeing in my little part of the world, than in public. I know dogs and other animals pee in bushes in the park etc, a little kid isn't going to too much damage there.

But I don't have a dog, don't have outdoor cats, and when the neighbours cat started pissing on our lawn and killing it (brand new, expensive lawn ), I put thst deterrent powder down. I've not seen a cat come into our garden in a year now. I've never, ever seen a fox.

Snail poo etc I'm going to cut my losses on

myotherusernameisbetter · 09/08/2014 19:31

We were at a service station sitting outside having a picnic (there were some tables and benches but we were on the grass) when some people about 10 feet away from us stripped their young son of his shorts and pants and pushed him to wee against a tree and then let him run around naked from the waste down - he was at least 3. I thought it was inappropriate and disgusting when people were eating - I didn't hear him ask and to me it just looked like they couldn't be bothered to take him inside.

YANBU - okay to allow your child to pee in your own garden routinely if you want, okay to allow a pee outside for a desperate young child where there are no facilities available but not in the circumstances you describe.

slithytove · 09/08/2014 19:32

This reminds me of the nappy changing in living room thread.

I'll do it when it's just me and DS. I will not do it with guests present or due. I would not expect them to do it.

Same applies to peeing in the garden. (N.b., not me peeing, but DS! I fully intend to potty train him in summer in the garden.)

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