Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

1 2 ··· 22 23 24 ··· 39 40

Original poster

Breastfeeding on Cross Country trains - a horrid experiance

999 replies

Paulala · 07/08/2014 23:11

Hello ladies, I'm a first time poster & a first time mum so apologies if I introduce myself by way of a horrid experience but I'd like to know if you think I'm being unreasonable.

I've just taken my first train journey with my 7 month old boy, we were travelling alone to Derby with everything we needed for a week on a Cross Country train. Everything was going ok until we returned to our seat from a nappy change. The nappy change itself was quite upsetting for him, being strapped to a table in a moving urine soaked metal cubical isn't very pleasant, but I hadn't expected a lot from the facilities.

I intended to give him a breastfeed at our seat but when we got there the seat beside us was occupied (we were in a set on 2 seats not a table of 4). I asked the man sitting in the seat if it would be possible for him to move to one of the single vacant seats 3 rows up just while I breastfed so I could have a little bit of privacy. He said No & stated that was the seat he was allocated why should he move.

I asked him again saying my baby needed to be fed, he was hungry & distressed & there were empty seats in view he could use. He said I should move there instead, this really wouldn't have helped as they were single aisle seats & would have meant I'd have to feed even more publicly. I was so upset I asked him if he expected me to breastfeed in the seat beside him with him watching & he just shrugged his shoulders.

At this point everyone close by was aware of the situation & I'm still standing in the aisle with an upset baby, this man hasn't even got up to allow us to sit down. The ticket inspector then arrives & I explain to him that the man in the seat beside us is causing a lot of distress with his insistence on sitting there while I breastfed. Anyone who's traveled by train will know neighbouring seats offer no prospect of personal space.

I fully understand his right to the seat he booked but both he & I could see other seats he could have taken until I stopped feeding then he could have returned to the seat he booked when we finished. I'm sure many men would have been totally ok with doing that. Instead he was nasty & snarly & the thought of him watching me feed my baby in such a tight space was horrible. I had no option but to ask the ticket inspector to help me find another seat & to help me move all my things, we would also need the assistant at Derby station to be made aware we'd be on another carriage. All because this man would not move 3 rows up.

Still seating stubbornly in his seat the man recognised how upset he'd made me & stated loudly to everyone, right I'll move & asked the guard what he was going to do about it. The guard then said we'll sit you in first class sir don't worry about it you will be ok there. I couldn't believe it he'd made me suffer through a very public request to breastfeed privately (or as private as I could be) he'd initially insisted he would not move while I did so & left me feeling like I shouldn't be breastfeeding on a train, all while I stood with a distressed baby in a moving carriage while everyone watched. When the man eventually moved I sat & fed my baby & cried it was the worst breastfeeding experience I've ever had.

I have to travel back next week with the same train company & I'm dreading it, I can't express milk & I'm really worried something similar will happen again. I think trains should have a breastfeeding policy which recognises a womans need for privacy and a bit of respect. Not a system where men are rewarded for making women feel bad about the need to feed their babies. Do you think I'm being unreasonable?

Cheers ladies,
Paula

OP posts:

TedAndEd · 09/08/2014 01:20

Hi op (if you're still there)
I'm sorry you felt bad about this experience.

When I've been in similar situations I either just start feeding the baby and hope the person next to me just doesn't notice or continues to ignore me (like most commuters ignore their neighbours).

Or else I make a light hearted apology in advance like 'sorry if dc kicks you, these seats are a little small for feeding him in' and he may or may not choose to move.

Binkybix · 09/08/2014 08:00

combust as I said, he didn't HAVE to move. Like it or not, some people are uncomfortable breast feeding in public. So if I could do something that was easy for me that made someone's life easier I would.He could have moved back after she'd finished, no big deal at all.

As far as I know not many people are nervous about reading magazines in public so it's a bit if a daft comparison.

Binkybix · 09/08/2014 08:01

And also some babies make subtle feeding impossible. Pulling off, grabbing at muslins etc.

ithoughtofitfirst · 09/08/2014 08:10

On the fence about this one OP.. I get that he didn't have to move to accommodate you but I don't know why he didn't just do it anyway. What a dweeb.

43percentburnt · 09/08/2014 08:10

I understand how hard breastfeeding can be in public. Fortunately me first baby was great, very discreet, didn't flail, just laid nicely feeding with a great latch.

Baby number two, he is very nosy, lifts his head, hates been covered and flaps the offending article out of the way, flashes me regularly! Fortunately it's my second baby and I am more confident.

Op maybe a sling that is easy to feed in would help. There are sling libraries where you can borrow one.

EarthWindFire · 09/08/2014 08:14

Actually, I'm really quite saddened by the lack of sympathy for a first time mum trying to breastfeed in public. It's really fucking shitty.

They lost a lot of sympathy with the vile name calling!!

Sirzy · 09/08/2014 08:22

It's not a lack of sympathy for her breastfeeding. It's a lack of sympathy for expecting others to move for her and seemingly treating them pretty badly when they don't. Breastfeeding doesn't permit you to be rude nor does it permit you to start labelling men simply because they won't jump through hoops for her.

He paid for his seat, he wanted to stay in his seat or presumably have a guarantee he wouldn't end up having to move again. All fair enough which is why the guard on the train dealt with the situation perfectly

WilburIsSomePig · 09/08/2014 08:44

I've just come back to this thread as I felt a bit sorry for the OP even though I feel she was being unreasonable. I thought that perhaps she would try to see things from another perspective after reading some of the less hysterical posts but her last post suggests that she was never going to consider her own behaviour as anything less than perfect. And she decided that the poor fella was obviously a pervert too. I'm afraid the OP made herself sound petulant and ridiculous.

Bean89 · 09/08/2014 09:21

As a first time mum to a very young baby, who regularly travels by train I understand why you would be uncomfortable breastfeeding in such close proximity to a total stranger. What I do if in that situation is go find myself another seat, that way I've not drawn any unnecessary attention to myself and basically informed the whole carriage, 'Hello there, I'm about to get my breast out. Now I know people do this all the time and it's perfectly natural, but I am very uncomfortable doing it here and if you don't move you are a misogynist and a pervert. Thank you.'

tobysmum77 · 09/08/2014 09:42

I don't know if yabu or not. The bit I don't get is if I was him I'd have been desperate to get away from the 7mo baby in the next seat. So maybe he was a perv?

Yes you are sometimes meant to sit in your booked seat but v they aren't that inflexible if you say sweetly 'lady needed more space with baby'.

EarthWindFire · 09/08/2014 09:44

I don't know if yabu or not. The bit I don't get is if I was him I'd have been desperate to get away from the 7mo baby in the next seat. So maybe he was a perv?

Seriously!!!!???

tobysmum77 · 09/08/2014 09:48

wouldn't you have wanted to move? That's my point.

ilovesooty · 09/08/2014 09:49

Still no further response from MNHQ or condemnation of the OP's vile name calling. And her post stands.

I'm disgusted.

EarthWindFire · 09/08/2014 09:51

I have a disability so not that easy for me to 'just move' and calling people 'perv' because they don't/wouldn't is beyond vile.

thecageisfull · 09/08/2014 09:51

You can't say sweetly 'lady needed more space for baby' to the person in whose seat you have ended up. Well, you can but they aren't likely to reply 'Stay where you are then, I'll stand'. He would've had to move again and if he has experience of travelling on trains he is likely to have witnessed people having to battle for their seats. OP had already shown herself to be arsey, perhaps he thought when he got back she would refuse to let him sit down in his seat because she would still be feeding or she would claim to need the space or she would pretend to be asleep or another passenger may have sat in his seat and it would become his job to then deal with that.

I wouldn't have wanted to sit next to a 7mo old baby either but I would prefer it to a game of musical chairs with strangers who don't want to play it either.

londonrach · 09/08/2014 09:56

Tobysmum that's a very strange comment. Poor unnamed guy. Called a perv as he sits in his booked seat.....

saintlyjimjams · 09/08/2014 09:58

One of mine was nosey - I just dangled a blanket over his head if I was that worried about flashing people. Tbh if you're on the inside seat surely you'd just turn slightly to face the wall anyway - who's going to see anything?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/08/2014 10:01

ithougtofitfirst... Why are you calling the man a 'dweeb' (whatever that is)?

Most men and women that I know of - and associate with - would do anything for somebody needing help. They might even have accommodated this woman in her rudeness and sense of entitlement but SHE is the one in the wrong, not the man.

Having a stressful day can be awful but it doesn't give you the right to vilely namecall and make horrible accusations against another person. Nor is it right for people, in support of the OP's bad behaviour, to pile in and also namecall the man who didn't deserve it.

tobysmum77 · 09/08/2014 10:02

so you'd move back the cageisfull. non issue.

helensburgh · 09/08/2014 10:03

Mumsnet at its worst.

Regular posters attacking a first time poster.

Are all of you attacking the poster actually woman or even parents.

Attacking from behind a screen, sheesh. Get a life please.

The poster is a real person, whether you agree or disagree is fine, that's what she asked the question, but to trawl through the pages on here looking for a reason to attack her and enjoy attacking her is awful.
It's bullying.

tobysmum77 · 09/08/2014 10:04

I'm sorry but the nastiness is towards the op, no one is piling in at all. All I am saying is to want to sit there is odd. I travel long distances frequently on trains. People move to a different seat, move back if needed. It's a non issue.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/08/2014 10:05

ilovesooty... I've reported OP's third post to MNHQ as well. Fair deletions across the board or not at all. That post was disgusting.

gobbynorthernbird · 09/08/2014 10:05

you are sometimes meant to sit in your booked seat
You are always meant to sit in your booked seat, or you invalidate your ticket. Also, is the whole carriage supposed to play musical chairs at each station? I had stopped BF by 7 months, but at 6 months my DD could easily stay latched on for the best part of an hour. That's a bloody long time to be putting other people out.

EarthWindFire · 09/08/2014 10:07

Are all of you attacking the poster actually woman or even parents.

What has that got to do with anything? Can only women and parents have a view on anything?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/08/2014 10:08

Then report it, helensburgh. Read the third first though perhaps?

tobysmum... So, no vile namecalling to the man involved, no? Or because he's a man that's ok?

Some women are quite ridiculous in their blatant refusal to apply any notion of fairness.

Flip

1 2 ··· 22 23 24 ··· 39 40

Swipe left for the next trending thread