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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send a passive agressive letter to neighbours' landlord

29 replies

fluffymouse · 07/08/2014 19:25

Soon after we moved into our property a storm blew down the garden fence. From our research including looking at the deeds, this fence belongs to the neighbours (therefore their landlords responsibility).

We however received a barely literate letter demanding we fix the fence. The next day I was putting dd in the car (not having had a chance to respond to the letter yet) and the landlord threatened me re the fence in front of 3 yo dd.

We held out for a few months, then gave in and put a fence up so we could use our garden. I bought an expensive one, hoping it would last, and avoid any further contact with nasty piece of work landlord.

The neighbours children are now kicking footballs against the fence and have caused significant damage. They have around a dozen children, and won't speak to us as we are not Muslim.

Wibu to send a letter to landlord asking that he asks children to damage fence, or that we are going to pursue him for damage to the fence? We don't expect to ever see any money from him, but maybe the threat would stop further damage.

OP posts:
BookABooSue · 07/08/2014 19:37

It depends if you want to be arguing with your neighbours.

If you're sure you want to raise it then i'd also try to speak to your neighbours about it or pop a letter through their door saying the fence isn't built to withstand football. Then I'd write to the LL and say you are making him aware that you won't replace it again and will bill him for repairs, and that since you've brought this to his attention you'll consider him liable for any future damage or any injuries resulting from the damage.

PeachyParisian · 07/08/2014 20:31

Put it in writing, remind him it was his responsibility to fix it!

What do you they won't talk to you because you're not Muslim?

FrankSaysNo · 07/08/2014 20:39

won't speak to us as we are not Muslim.

riiight

Original poster
fluffymouse · 07/08/2014 20:41

Peachy, because they only talk to other Muslim families, and have made comments about our lifestyle (having a dog is dirty, things like that). As some of their children are around dd's age, and she used to like talking to them through the gaps in the old fence, we tried to offer an olive branch. We invited them to dd's birthday but they didn't turn up, without saying anything. They also stole our bins (no doubt it was them, we saw it).

In short there is no relationship to ruin. There is no animosity, simply ambivalence. They have a very different lifestyle to us.

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 07/08/2014 20:44

Gosh, amazing how much you know about what they say given they'll only talk to other Muslim families, isn't it?

Kerberos · 07/08/2014 20:46

The LL has no obligation to fence the garden at all.

You've replaced it I assume within your boundary so this is now your fence. If the tenants are causing damage to your fence this is criminal damage and could be reported as such.

Boundary disputes are complex and costly. I'd back away from this one.

MrsWinnibago · 07/08/2014 20:51

To be fair to the OP some Muslim families don't mix. My sister's child goes to a school with some Muslim families and when he made friends with one of the children, he asked and asked if the little boy could come for a playdate...it took a year and my sister's very careful approaches plus the teacher's promises that my sister's family is a good one, before the family would allow a playdate.

The teacher said it was the first time she'd seen such a thing be allowed and it's really grown from there. The family now invite my nephew there and he even went for their recent celebration...can't rememember what it's called but it's a private, family orientated thing and he had a marvelous time.

PeachyParisian · 07/08/2014 20:53

If try again with them and tell them their kids are damaging your fence. Cultural differences don't really come into it.

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 07/08/2014 20:57

Really?

DS has Muslim friends and their parents are happy for them to visit despite my tendency to drink, swear, let their PFBs watch The Inbetweeners, wear above the knee skirts and bare my tattoos.

Confused

None of them have an issue with 'mixing'.

No idea what their views on fencing is though.

MrsWinnibago · 07/08/2014 21:01

King honestly...it's the way it was in my sister's village. Still is to a degree, the family in question won't let their DDs mix at all though my nephew is allowed to visit when they're present now.

When my BIL took the little boy home from a playdate with my nephew once, he knocked on the door and the letterbox flapped up...it was one of the women in the house and she couldn't answer the door to speak to BIL so he left the little boy on the step and shouted "Goodbye!" and that was that.

My sister and BIL don't quesiton it at all and when he visits them, they buy Halal meat.

gordyslovesheep · 07/08/2014 21:04

how do they 'live a different lifestyle' to you?

and lots of Muslims have pets

maybe just ignore it - and if the fence comes down again don't replace it

Original poster
fluffymouse · 07/08/2014 21:06

Lol at people seizing on one comment and ignoring everything else. Typical mumsnet.

They have never spoken directly to us, the comments were actually made to the landlord. Even when we dropped off the invite they said nothing

Despite living next door for a year we have not had a single conversation.

OP posts:
Peekingduck · 07/08/2014 21:08

Why not concentrate on the main question in the thread? Op isn't telling lies anyway - some stricter muslims are quite insular, and do think dogs are dirty.

Yes Op - I'd contact the landlord, or maybe their managing agents if they have them. I'd make it clear that any future fence repairs will be down to them.

Peekingduck · 07/08/2014 21:11

Problem is Op, some mumsnetters are frantic to prove how awfully "PC" and open-minded they are... so they'll jump on people at the slightest opportunity.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 07/08/2014 21:11

12 kids? Have you done a head count?

thedancingbear · 07/08/2014 21:11

they ...won't speak to us because they are muslim

Bollocks.

goingloombandcrazy · 07/08/2014 21:12

Don't start a neighbourly dispute. You own. They rent. You have more to lose if you want to sell house

Ronmione · 07/08/2014 21:13

Yanbu to contact the landlord, send it signed as well so he can't deny receiving it. Maybe include photos.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 07/08/2014 21:13

And your question doesn't make sense Confused

Ronmione · 07/08/2014 21:16

None of them have an issue with 'mixing

But that's your experience, the op's is different.

Lucyccfc · 07/08/2014 21:19

It's irrelevant that they are Muslim.

Their kids damaged your fence and whether they like it or not, they will have to discuss paying for the damage.

twizzleship · 07/08/2014 21:20

They have around a dozen children, and won't speak to us as we are not Muslim

yea, suuuuure - MUST be down to their religion Hmm most likely they don't speak to you because they consider you to be ignorant and prejudiced.

most people would use common sense - did you speak to them or their landlord or the police about witnessing them "stealing" your bins? No.
did you write a letter explaining that it was the landlords responsibility (in your opinion) to replace the fence or mention his threatening behaviour? Did you report the threatening behaviour to the police? No.
Have you ever tried to communicate with them at any point other than inviting them over for your dd's birthday party? which i'm not surprised they didn't turn up for given that none of the adults actually have any friendly communication going on between them. you don't actually know why they didn't turn up and are just making assumptions that it was for religious reasons.

there are some muslim families who don't like to mix just like there are some non-muslim families who don't like to mix. it's all down to ignorance of each others cultures and customs and lack of friendly communication.

i would suggest you actually make the effort to speak to one of the parents about the kids kicking the football against your fence and the damage it's causing. if that has no effect then put it in writing to their landlord explaining that you have spoken to the parents to no avail and, unless he sorts it out, you will invoice him for any damage caused/replacement fence.

TittingAbout · 07/08/2014 21:22

They have 12 children? ?

They've never said a word to you at all and yet you know for a fact that they won't talk to you because you are not muslim??

They have made comments about you? To whom? And why did that person tell you that??

I don't believe you, OP.

Oh, and about the fence... why not have a civil chat to your neighbours about it?

thedancingbear · 07/08/2014 21:22

What other reasons might there be for a Muslim family to want nothing to do with you, OP? Have a good think

BookABooSue · 07/08/2014 21:23

The LL has no obligation to fence the garden at all.
Actually you don't know this without seeing the deeds. Some deeds do have boundary conditions and since the OP says she has read the deeds and the fence is the LL's responsibility then I'm guessing their deeds do have such a clause.

OP I think sending a letter will move the relationship from ambivalence to animosity and that's why I would consider if you want to escalate this issue. Having a bad relationship with a neighbour can be incredibly draining.

As for all Muslims talking to everyone or vice versa, it really depends on how strict they are. I went to school with a few Muslim children. Some mixed with everyone. Others were from strict families, they wore niqabs and never associated with anyone outside of school. Our current neighbours are quite strict and the wife would not talk to my DP or open the door to him, they do let their dcs play with our dcs, and the dh does talk to everyone. He just explained that if his dw was in then she wouldn't speak to DP.