To refuse to give my cousin a lift home when she has a broken leg?

[NatJon]

I was in my aunts house today visiting and her daughter, my cousin (27), came down with her 2 yo ds. My cousin has broken her leg so obviously can't drive. Her dp dropped her and their ds down and it was arranged he would pick them up again after he finished a job (self employed electrician).

After 2 hours I was about to leave when my cousin asked me if I would give her and her ds a lift home as her ds was getting bored and tired and she thought her dp would have been back by now. I said no problem as long as there was a spare car seat. My aunt has lots of grandchildren and usually there is is a spare one lying around.

The spare one was being used by another family member but cousin still insisted on a lift home. She lives 5 mins away by car but I was very uncomfortable travelling with her ds without a car seat. I told her this but she just kept saying over and over that it would be ok and she would belt him up, keep a hold of him etc. that he was getting cranky and I was being mean not helping her when she had a broken leg, it's only 5 minutes. I put my foot down and said no, it wasn't happening. Cousin got very angry and started swearing at me saying I was being a fucking prick. My aunt told her to stop talking to me like that but she continued.

She is never like this so it was quite upsetting for me to hear. After about 10 mins, thankfully her dp comes to collect them and the ds can travel safely.

I feel a bit bad I couldn't take them home when her ds was unsettled but thought it more
Important that he be protected in the event of a crash. Cousin obviously thought I was being unreasonable.

And getting a fine and points on your license. Not to mention the risk of injury or death.

Plus it was a 10 minute wait.

Of course Lally I understand that, but opinions for the OP must surely be based on her circumstances not your own. It's not technically, it's illegal and is for a reason. Accidents can happen on an hour trip, or a 5 minute one. I think the sensible solution would be to take the adult then the child, separate trips.Or wait the ten minutes.

I actually doubted it being against the law at first because of the posts on here but after research I knew I was right. I don't even drive

It wasn't an emergency, she was just cross and impatient because her toddler was playing up - she could have texted her husband to find out when he was likely to show up but chose not to (I understand not phoning, but don't see why she couldn't have texted him) - and it was definitely not on to berate you about your choice, OP.

YWNBU by the way - I wouldn't have taken a child that small without a seat either.

It wasn't an emergency, she was just cross and impatient because her toddler was playing up - she could have texted her husband to find out when he was likely to show up but chose not to (I understand not phoning, but don't see why she couldn't have texted him) - and it was definitely not on to berate you about your choice, OP.

YWNBU by the way - I wouldn't have taken a child that small without a seat either.

Oh my god! Doesn't anyone read the OP's posts? The cousin wasn't 'stranded', she just had to wait ten more minutes until her husband showed up.

YWNBU. As well as the safety aspect if you got pulled over by the police you'd be fined. And as the driver you'd be the one deemed responsible.

YANBU OP. It would have been illegal and you as the driver would have been responsible.

She could have got a taxi - it would have been legal but not ideal in a taxi.

YANBU.

She was not left without transport - she just had to wait a bit.

It doesn't matter what the likelihood of an accident is. Once the accident has happened it won't be much consolation that you were just very unlucky.

The idea that either an adult seat belt or 'holding' a two year old will do you any good in an accident is ridiculous.

Also, leaving aside the safety issues, the cousin was at her mum's house. That might be a bit annoying but it is hardly stranded.

Private hire cars don't have child seats. They'd need 3 types in their boot, that's not feasible when they often carry luggage for airport drops etc.

They don't carry them about, no. But as you have to pre-book if they are coming from home they can bring one.

YANBU .
My guess is that she had an argument with her mum or her dh and thats why she wanted you to take her home.
If ds was bored they could put a dvd on, give him a snack, open the garden door or grandma could take him for a 10 min walk and fresh air.
Something else was going on and she took it out on you.

The point is not so much that you were being unreasonable and unhelpful (though you were - it really wasn't either that risky or illegal to do what your cousin asked). It's that you're whining because she was, very understandably, annoyed with you. She was in pain, her toddler was playing up, and you were standing there with a smug self-righteous face on going oooh, no, more than my job's worth. Do you not get how fucking maddening that sort of attitude is to someone who is in pain and stressed out?

Solid it is illegal to carry a 2 year old in a private car without a car seat. She was not remotely self righteous at all. She didn't want to break the law.

SGB, of course it's risky to take a small child on a car journey without an appropriate restraint!

If there were no risk, if children weren't safer using appropriate car seats, then no one would bother with them. But anyone with an ounce of common sense can see that they do reduce the risk of harm to a child in the event if an accident quite significantly.

It's not jobsworthy or self righteous to refuse to do something that is both unsafe and illegal.

There's an interesting TED talk by Steven Levitt about the statistics of car seat safety. Perhaps your cousin is aware of the talk (that says 2 yr olds are safer with a seatbelt) and perhaps she was also aware that legally you can make short emergency journeys without a car seat. If she was aware of both those facts and in pain, I can see why your response didn't go down well.

YANBU.

I wouldn't have taken them without a car seat either. The chances of getting in an accident may be tiny, but it's not one I'd be happy to take.

Particularly given that she was safely at her mum's house and was just having to wait slightly longer than expected for her DP.

Thank you Charley. It is illegal. And very unsafe zzzz hence the reason for car seats.

I would have taken them. Shoot me.

Hmm. I don't think OP was BU but the issue isn't clear cut - as has been said further up the thread, people's perceptions of risk aren't always foolproof. There's at least one expert commentator who believes we should repeal the law requiring us all to wear seat belts.

www.john-adams.co.uk/2013/02/12/repeal-the-seat-belt-law/

You did the right thing OP