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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to give my cousin a lift home when she has a broken leg?

169 replies

NatJon · 05/08/2014 22:33

I was in my aunts house today visiting and her daughter, my cousin (27), came down with her 2 yo ds. My cousin has broken her leg so obviously can't drive. Her dp dropped her and their ds down and it was arranged he would pick them up again after he finished a job (self employed electrician).

After 2 hours I was about to leave when my cousin asked me if I would give her and her ds a lift home as her ds was getting bored and tired and she thought her dp would have been back by now. I said no problem as long as there was a spare car seat. My aunt has lots of grandchildren and usually there is is a spare one lying around.

The spare one was being used by another family member but cousin still insisted on a lift home. She lives 5 mins away by car but I was very uncomfortable travelling with her ds without a car seat. I told her this but she just kept saying over and over that it would be ok and she would belt him up, keep a hold of him etc. that he was getting cranky and I was being mean not helping her when she had a broken leg, it's only 5 minutes. I put my foot down and said no, it wasn't happening. Cousin got very angry and started swearing at me saying I was being a fucking prick. My aunt told her to stop talking to me like that but she continued.

She is never like this so it was quite upsetting for me to hear. After about 10 mins, thankfully her dp comes to collect them and the ds can travel safely.

I feel a bit bad I couldn't take them home when her ds was unsettled but thought it more
Important that he be protected in the event of a crash. Cousin obviously thought I was being unreasonable.

OP posts:
sykadelic · 06/08/2014 00:33

I wouldn't have done it. It doesn't matter what anyone else would have done or expected someone to do for them. You do not HAVE to do something if you don't want to.

She was putting you and her child at risk. Dollars to donuts if something had have happened it would have been YOUR fault.

As is so popular here: "No is a complete sentence".

Yamyoid · 06/08/2014 00:36

Private hire cars don't have child seats. They'd need 3 types in their boot, that's not feasible when they often carry luggage for airport drops etc.
op, you did what you thought was the right thing so that's what's important although I do sympathise with your cousin.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 06/08/2014 00:37

I will never drive a child around in my car without a carseat. If that makes me a "fucking prick" then so be it.

As she only lived five minutes away I would have asked if she had a carseat at home, dropped her off collected seat and returned to Grandmas for the two year old. Much safer and worth the extra driving than ever taking a two year old in a car without a seat.

The chance is low but the outcome could be lifechanging

Lally112 · 06/08/2014 00:42

I would have taken them, It was one short journey and when I was a kid we didn't even wear seatbelts far less have car seats. 7 of us used to clamber into my granddads Datsun to go into town.

Morloth · 06/08/2014 01:39

Ah, I misread, I thought the OP had one car seat for her child and the problem was two toddlers one seat.

In that case no way, no carseat means no lift.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 06/08/2014 02:00

I agree with Queen of sorry can't remember and SGB, for 5 min. journey, mum with broken leg and stressed, I'd have given them a lift.

Sorry, I think YABU and a bit precious.

LeonardWentToTheOffice · 06/08/2014 02:18

YWNBU. I wouldn't have done it either. Though yes, probably doesn't count as illegal as could be classed as "one off unexpected trip" that is no magic wand meaning journey is somehow protected from usual dangers that child car seats were introduced to protect children from. As for taxis - pah!!!! the way I've seen many of them drive there's no way I'd want my son in one car seat or no. Many round here show blatant disregard for the safety of people - children and otherwise - obvious speeding in residential areas, flying through green man crossings, ignoring school zig zags to name a few. Also if they're so exceptionally safe how come they encourage children to travel on parents' knees which seems to be the acceptable way round here Sad It chills me to the bone every time.

Instead of abusing you your cousin should have been appreciative of your consideration of the safety of her dc. I would have been :-)

You're the type of parent I would like to drive my ds. Smile

MorphineDreams · 06/08/2014 02:21

fucking prick

Oh believe me they do!

I would have taken them in two trips

marcopront · 06/08/2014 02:22

Actually I think the cousin having a broken leg would make me less inclined to do it. If I have to take a small child in a car without a car seat, I would want an adult sitting in the back with them making sure they were sitting properly and able to help them if needed. With a broken leg your cousin would not be able to move about easily.

LeonardWentToTheOffice · 06/08/2014 02:28

I've already posted on a similar thread this week where a poster was wondering if she had BU to ask that her ds didn't travel in a car made for four passengers when there would have been five of them. And yes Lally112 I also remember trips like that. I also mentioned we too got 8 in a Datsun and we went on holiday like that. But there are reasons why seatbelts in the front were made compulsory. Seatbelts in the back were made compulsory - I have also owned cars where they weren't even fitted in the back. Car seats were introduced and also made compulsory. I for one are glad of these advances increasing the safety of those travelling on the road, especially little ones and I will take every measure going to keep my ds safe. It also follows that I wish the same for anybody else (child or adult) travelling with me.

Life or death situation - yes many of these may fly out of the window - eg choking child etc. Fractious adult with bored child. Not one of these situations. Leg or no leg.

Lally112 · 06/08/2014 02:50

For 5 minutes though? If we are being honest - leaving her to walk with a broken leg could have also got her and the kid run over because shes not quick enough to get off the road in time. I don't wear a seatbelt ever - I have a medical exemption and I drive a huge farm truck, I'm still here to have a good old moan too.

MorphineDreams · 06/08/2014 02:58

Yeah but if they walked and got into an accident she wouldn;t blame herself and wouldn't get into trouble for it. I wouldn't do it and think its unreasonable for a cousin to expect that of her. If something happened, god forbid, the OP would never forgive herself.

wobblyweebles · 06/08/2014 03:00

I'd have driven her and her DS home.

Do you also insist all 2yo children on buses are strapped into carseats?

wobblyweebles · 06/08/2014 03:00

I'd have driven her and her DS home.

Do you also insist all 2yo children on buses are strapped into carseats?

LeonardWentToTheOffice · 06/08/2014 03:00

It doesn't sound like she was planning to walk home though. Huge farm trucks are pretty protective themselves I'd say. Us pootling about in our smaller vehicles - not so much Smile

MorphineDreams · 06/08/2014 03:04

Do you also insist all 2yo children on buses are strapped into carseats

That isn't the law though is it? This is.

LeonardWentToTheOffice · 06/08/2014 03:09

Buses built different to cars. Passengers less likely to fly through windscreen. In coaches I always insisted on him wearing one. I do remember funeral car when my grandma died couldn't fit ds's carseat so I took him in my car instead.

wobblyweebles · 06/08/2014 03:13

No it's not the law. It's a short unforeseen journey as many people above have pointed out.

Are there no windows at all in buses then Leonard?

MorphineDreams · 06/08/2014 03:17

If the child is under 3 they have to be in a car seat. Only a child over 3 can travel without one for an 'unforeseen journey'

MorphineDreams · 06/08/2014 03:17

If the correct child seat isn’t available, a child over 3 years of age can use an adult seat belt if the journey is all of the following:

unexpected
necessary
over a short distance
You can’t take children under 3 in a vehicle without a seat belt or the correct child car seat (except a taxi or minicab).

Lally112 · 06/08/2014 03:37

Huge farm truck is immense during an impact as some daft scirocco driver found out being on his phone (getting a free paint job out of that one). didn't even set my airbags off, in fact I don't think the truck noticed it had been bumped. I would have still felt pretty shit leaving her with a broken leg. Busses are every 2 and a half hours where I live and the road is 7 miles of 60 limit with no path.

MorphineDreams · 06/08/2014 03:41

But Lally you aren't the OP and I doubt she has a farm truck like yours, and probably doesn't live in such a rural area. Regardless though I wouldn't have done it, it's illegal for one

Mckayz · 06/08/2014 04:02

Wobbly as Morphine has pointed out it is actually the law. It's only children over 3 who can go without a car seat for unexpected journeys.

OP YANBU. There's no way I would have done it.

Lally112 · 06/08/2014 04:08

She was asking for opinions, I merely gave mine. Technically legal or not its about leaving someone with a broken leg and a kid without transport.