AIBU not to be grateful for visiting family bringing food?

[upyourninja]

My parents and grandparents have come to visit for two days. I didn't ask them to bring any food unless they needed something particularly special (GP has diabetes, DDad has been low-carbing, other GP very carnivorous).

They have brought with them:

5 chicken breasts
4 steaks
2 quiches
3kg of potato
4 bags of salad
Potato salad
Coleslaw
1kg of cornflakes
Granola
Pastries
6 packets of biscuits
2 jars of coffee
2 cakes
6 buns
2 loaves of bread
Tortilla wraps
fruit (peaches, pears, strawberries, oranges)
2 bags of chocolate
Cheese
2 pots yoghurt
6 pts milk
4 cans of beans
2 packets of stir fry
Loads of other bits and pieces

I had already catered. They are here for 3 evening meals.

AIBU to think that this is not actually helpful but is really quite rude? When they arrived I had to spend an hour rearranging the fridge and cupboard and my kitchen is covered in crap.

I hate food waste and do have some food issues. I have thus far been quiet and cooked their food. But I'm not wrong to be hacked off, right?

Whoah that is one heck of a lot of food to bring. I'm presuming the intentions are good, but a little OTT unless you are really struggling financially.

I'm from a culture where it's the 'done thing' to bring food/drink when you visit or stay with anyone, but I'd never bring that amount of stuff. Can't think of anyone else I know who would either. Unless someone was ill or as I said, struggling.

I don't think I'd be annoyed, just v surprised and intrigued as to why they've brought quite as much as they have.

I think op is right and they are staying FOREVER.

I think that's really quite bizarre. It's not a gift of food, it's a weekly shop.

Who on earth brings 3kg of potatoes as a gift, or multiple cans of beans? Who wants six pints of milk out of the blue?

OP you are so not unreasonable to be bemused and irritated by this. I would get a box, put all the stuff you don't use in it and tell them to take it home with them. I'd also most likely cook what I had planned to cook unless it could be easily saved.

YANBU. My mum does something similar and it drives me potty. She even brings instant coffee in a little tupperware tub, why, why?

Ems23 you sound like a kindred soul

I even specifically ask DM exactly what she intends to bring with her and she'll vaguely say, 'Oh, maybe a leg of lamb and a few bits and bobs'. To which I reply 'please don't bring much, I've just done our weekly shop and the fridge/freezer is full'. Cue 6 large bags of food shopping arriving in the boot of their car.

God, I sound really awful and it does save us quite a bit of food shopping money. But I really find the stress of this together with them staying with us for 2-3 days quite overwhelming (I'm also introverted and need control over my own space).

My Mil brings her own teabags. Just for her. And absolutely nothing else...

Clearly they don't want to put you out. I think intentions are good but that is a lot of food!

I understand completely where you're coming from. I went through this with certain members of my husbands family. We would invite them round and when they asked (as guests often do) "shall we bring anything?" the answer is always "no, just yourselves" and they would arrive with an unbelievable amount of food/wine. We would always have over-catered for them coming but still would have to find space for the masses of food they would bring. It's not as bad now, they seem to be getting the message that it's unnecessary.

"...oh god, they're never leaving, are they?"

sorry OP, this is their way of subtly telling you that you're in for the long haul!

I'm just waiting for the next AIBU: 'Why won't they fecking well LEAVE?

Ah bless, they are trying to help! How many threads do we get where folk complain that the in-laws descended and didn't contribute a crumb? Eat what you can, freeze what you can and maybe send some back with them- biscuits, some fruit to tide them over when they get home. I don't think you should give it away, apart from a few bits.

I know EXACTLY where you're coming from, my ILs do this too. They're French and it's like they think we don't actually have food shops over here, they bring really basic stuff like butter and bread . Last time they even turned up with hard boiled eggs that were about a week old, dh had to gently persuade mil to throw them away . We only have a small fridge and I end up with no space to put our shopping in, it drives me up the wall! They also manage to leave several Tupperware containers behind every single time, my cupboard is overflowing. Last time they visited dh handed them a bag of their random crap that we'd accumulated over the last few visits to take home with them

YANBU. SIL and family are coming for 3 nights.I have already planned the meals and shop delivery is coming tomorrow. SIL has already advised some foods she will bring - favourite cereals and special non dairy milk.I'm absolutely fine with that but would hate it if she brought random stuff that needed cooking. I'll be at work during the day so no desire or time to change the menu.

Stacklady they are welcome to stay but I am out of here in a couple of days

I think it brings back the awful teenage claustrophobic feeling of being stuck at home being faced with mountains of food that we were supposed to eat on behalf of 'the starving children in Africa'

I don't think my few extra pounds are really helping the world's starving population though.

My parents once came to visit me for a day and brought a packed lunch along with them - just for them. None for me. They had their own picnic plates and everything. And a thermos of coffee. With 2 cups.

They thought it would be "helpful" if I didn't need to worry about making them any lunch. It had not occurred to them that I might have planned to cater for them when I invited them over for lunch

I would be a bit miffed in your shoes, but am sure that your parents are, similar to mine, trying to be "helpful".

My mother does it...she grew up with rationing and has never got out of the habit of bringing her "ration" with her.

She feels that food is so expensive that not to contribute is rude and wrong...

even all these years later.

These days it is a bit of a family joke that she arrives with a milk bottle (not a carton mind you a bottle) a hand full of tea bags and a random selection of fruit and chocolate! (or anything else that comes to mind in the shop!)

try not to stress. There are other places that can use the excess and they mean well. (do you have a elderly neighbour who might appreciate some of your leftovers in portion sized containers for a day or two off cooking?)

Soprendo that's especially baffling

I hope you enjoyed your own lunch at least!

My god seen it all now...

But indigo how is it helpful to bring a large random selection of food that is neither asked for nor wanted? It's not helpful to have a house full of food that is not going to be eaten, it just becomes an additional chore to have to deal with.

We live in an affluent area so no neighbours in need, but it's a lovely thought.

I once had way, way too many eggs, so I texted local friends to ask if they wanted any, as I hated to see them go to waste. They were good friends who I know would not see it as charity, but I have also had neighbours offer food before they went on holiday. For the non-foodbank suitable stuff, could you not do that? Or, as also suggested, give to a soup kitchen or a Church group? After Harvest at Church, when we collect tins and long-term goods to redistribute, we sort what we have and give the short-dated stuff and fresh produce, be it ever so random, to a hostel for young homeless people nearby, as they cook for themselves but do not have much to live on. I have doubled checked they wanted it, even the year of the many marrows and squashes, but they did!

My lunch was delicious thanks ninja. Better than their poxy sandwiches. And I made sure they knew it too!

I'm sure there must be a word in German for the feeling you get when people do something with good intentions, where you should be grateful, but you're not because actually their act of kindness is an inconvenience to you and you really just wish they wouldn't.

I imagine people saying YABU haven't ever experience this. Boxes of chocolates, wine, flowers, biscuits with long sell by dates these are all thoughtful gifts.

A bag of random food you can't use before it goes out of date is wasteful and thoughtless.

I've had this in the past OP, maddening.

This would piss me off. PIL did this once: they brought their own meat, veg, potatoes, bread, cakes, sweets, squash, alcohol, tea, coffee, milk, towels, bedding, pillows and a blooming mattress. For a long weekend at ours. They obviously must think that our food, drink, beds etc are unacceptable...

I think it's really rude, it's like saying to your host: look, I know I'm seriously putting you out here... but I'm more than happy to share my things! Also when I go to stay at PILs I wonder if they expect me to bring my own bedding, mattress etc. Rude and odd.

YANBU basically