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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Advice you'd love to give to people but can't.

84 replies

MrsWinnibago · 04/08/2014 01:24

My neighbour is a lovely young woman in her mid-20s. She has one baby DD and an ex DP who is on-off-on-off with her.

He lives in his own house not far away and dips in and out of her life...he pops up more often when she has money. Angry

She's beautiful and would be able to meet a much nicer man but she continues to hope that he will get it together and move in with her. She doesn't see that he's shite and never visits their DD regularly or contributes. I want to tell her to go out a bit more...meet some nice man who will be more committed.

But you can't can you? What advice do you have for people in your life that you just can't give?

OP posts:
PopularNamesInclude · 04/08/2014 01:29

It's more fun to think about what advice people might give me... Glass houses and all that.

That said, I have at least two friends who need to LTB.

Happy36 · 04/08/2014 01:34

What´s LTB?

Sometimes I want to give people advice about their clothes or hair, but I know it´s not appropriate and also think that others must think the same about me sometimes.

Original poster
MrsWinnibago · 04/08/2014 01:35

Leave the bastard

I know what you mean Popular I said that to DH earlier...I said it's always clear from the outside but when you're inside it's not!

OP posts:
Happy36 · 04/08/2014 01:36

Thanks!

Original poster
MrsWinnibago · 04/08/2014 01:39

What for?

OP posts:
LiberalLibertines · 04/08/2014 01:44

I've only just learnt to keep my advice to myself! I used to think if I could just find the right words, then they would see their cock lodgers partners were not the gods gifts they thought they were.

People rarely want to be told to LTB do they?

PopularNamesInclude · 04/08/2014 01:47

With both friends, I have told them they should LTB. I would want someone to tell me! One has since seen a solicitor - I live in hope.

I have a job in which I see a lot of bad parenting going on. Not abusive, but misguided. I never say anything about that.

Original poster
MrsWinnibago · 04/08/2014 01:47

They don't Liberal I'm 41 and I know that now...but in my 30s or younger, I'd have told her what I thought.

It's only now I know that people will just resent you for saying it.

OP posts:
LiberalLibertines · 04/08/2014 01:51

I'm 41 too! I've learnt a few harsh lessons over the last few years, most of them related to keeping my gob shut Grin

Original poster
MrsWinnibago · 04/08/2014 01:53

Lol. She probably thinks I'm ancient as I'm not that much older than her Mum! Maybe that's why I want to advise her.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsWinnibago · 04/08/2014 01:53

Not much YOUNGER.

OP posts:
Brabra · 04/08/2014 05:06

get your hair cut.

ithoughtofitfirst · 04/08/2014 07:21

COCK LODGER Lmao

FeministStar · 04/08/2014 07:22

Get a social life and stop only doing things for your children. You matter too.

FoxyHarlow123 · 04/08/2014 07:32

Stop bloody shouting. U sound like fog horn leg horn. And stop boasting about everything, whilst ur at it. No one is impressed.

limon · 04/08/2014 07:38

Grow up, Gst a grip, stop being so jealous and learn when to stfu.

dalziel1 · 04/08/2014 07:43

I loved the advice one of my friends gave another of my friends when we were about 20 and the second friend was agonising over what it meant that the boy/ man she was interested in hadn't called after their date.

The friend told her: If he's interested, he'll call. If he's not, then he won't!

Its obvious really, but it didn't stop the second friend from wanting to think about it day and night for a week.

Imbroglio · 04/08/2014 07:47

Yes. I'd love to tell someone I know that they are setting up their family for a major rift by the way she's arranged her will. But not my family and none of my business.

I'd love to tell someone else they need to get out of a relationship with a narcissist. I can't bear to see them together and I can't bear to hear the stories - she doesn't seem to realise that other marriages are not like this (though having said that she probably does).

I'd love to tell my aunt to go on holiday and stop martyring herself over looking after my mum - its not good for any of us, including my mum.

MaryWestmacott · 04/08/2014 07:50

Sometimes, someone needs to hear LTB because they need confirmation that others would walk away from the father of their child too...

Op, can you offer to babysit so she can go out with friends?

PiperRose · 04/08/2014 09:24

Chose the right fucking underwear!

punygod · 04/08/2014 09:27

I want to tell my best friend that she doesn't have to stay with the creepy waste of space she's currently shacked up with just because he left his wife for her.

He's really not nice, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him and she's wasting her best years on yet another no-hoper.

Would never say it though. Watching her love-life has been like watching a slow-motion motorway pile up for the last 25 years. It's such a shame. She's so lovely Hmm

deakymom · 04/08/2014 09:28

yup ive had a long conversation with a friend of mine she wanted to leave him he was nasty spiteful abusive she stayed now he is pushing her to cut ties with me because his behaviour is clearly my fault! i didn't tell her to ltb i told her she could cope if she did like any friend would! now they have a baby Hmm and she can't see it how he acts etc her family can i can we have all decided to step back and just be around when she needs us which is sad as she feels quite lost and alone i facebook her but he picks up the messages Sad

deakymom · 04/08/2014 09:29

i also want to tell people they need to say sorry that telling people your over your past mistakes does not mean the ones you hurt are

deakymom · 04/08/2014 09:30

over it and fine with your behaviour (sorry posted too soon!)

SaucyJack · 04/08/2014 09:32

Stop going on about yourself and how hard life is for you and SS might actually think about giving you your kids back.

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