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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is grabby?

78 replies

Cazm2 · 02/08/2014 22:12

SIL is expecting firstborn and having baby shower. This is being organised by two people there are near on 40 people coming!! People have been asking what presents to give and get organisers have been pointing people in direction of what SIL wants as she has already bought everything. Then SIL has provided a list if things she would like!!! Specifically clothes a sling etc she doesn't know what she is having so would rather give clothes once baby born do more gender specific, now been pointed in the direction of a certain shop which is selling clothing range with character that SIL has done the nursery in. AIBU in that you should be grateful for any presents you get and sometimes receiving duplicates of things is part and parcel of life when you have a baby. I had small shower and small gifts never gave a list or expected anything thoughts please?

OP posts:

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey · 02/08/2014 22:15

I never had a shower.

I embarrassingly had a bin bag of clothes that dd never even got chance to wear before she grew out of.

If people are willng to buy what she wants let them.

awsomer · 02/08/2014 22:17

Don't buy anything or just buy something you really want to buy if it's bothering you. It's not imperative that you stick to the list.

IMO I think it's a good idea for the mum to be to wow a list so she doesn't end up with Tthings she doesn't need.

awsomer · 02/08/2014 22:18

write and things (I'm on my phone and one arm is sick under a sleeping cat. )

awsomer · 02/08/2014 22:19

Stuck* ffs!!!

EatDessertFirst · 02/08/2014 22:21

I can't stand baby showers. They are generally pretty grabby and seem to be a competition of 'who can give the most'. They do seem to be a pretty recent trend around here though so maybe I'm just be old and miserable. Anyone who publishes a present list would get nothing from me I'm afraid!

I always refuse politely and give a gift after baby arrives. YANBU. People should be grateful for what they recieve, not expect it.

DennyDifferent · 02/08/2014 22:24

But why would you want her to get a duplicate? If you could spend the same amount of money on something you know she would like, that isn't a duplicate, wouldn't that be preferable?

CoffeeTea103 · 02/08/2014 22:26

I think any gift would suffice. She may receive many duplicates if it's from the same type of stores. 40 doesn't seem odd to me, but then again I had about 70/80 and about 350 for my wedding

UncleT · 02/08/2014 22:28

American bullshit. Shower my arse. What's wrong with people just being left to choose to give gifts if they want to, ones that might actually mean something?

gallopinghorse · 02/08/2014 22:29

buy some nappies at least they will be needed and doesn't matter about duplicates.

Floop · 02/08/2014 22:29

If you want to get her anything, ignore the list. Get her clothes for older babies. She'll be swamped with newborn stuff.

Original poster

Cazm2 · 02/08/2014 22:31

I don't want to get her a duplicate I just find it all a bit well grabby I mean you always gets lots after baby born too I know I did and ended up with duplicate outfits too! I just find it all a bit not sure what word is lol

OP posts:

LoveBeingInTheSun · 02/08/2014 22:32

Do t buy anything, write the baby a poem instead

awsomer · 02/08/2014 22:33

Dont go then.

Personally I love a baby shower, I'll go in your place!

Viviennemary · 02/08/2014 22:35

It will be poems next asking for cash contributions for private school fees. Is there going to be no end to this nonsense.

fairylightsintheloft · 02/08/2014 22:36

well regardless of whether the 40+ baby shower itself is a bit OTT, given that it is happening, I think its probably better to have some element of organisation otherwise it is a terrible waste of money / hassle to return stuff.

Original poster

Cazm2 · 02/08/2014 22:42

I know but it wasn't that much hassle to return items if clothing when my dd was born and I never mentioned I already had just grateful people bought her a gift

OP posts:

VisualiseAHorse · 02/08/2014 22:45

"Shower my arse"

Mumsnet quote of the week.

thecageisfull · 02/08/2014 22:46

But people have been asking what presents to give and she has told them. It's fairly normal when attending an event to buy a gift and it's not a bad idea to find out what the recipient would like, especially if you like her.

SmallBee · 02/08/2014 22:46

To be honest i'd rather get someone a present they can use and want, rather than something I picked out because I like it & it turns out they have already got it/don't like it. I think a list is a really practical way of doing this, especially if you're asked what you want.

It's a bit different if it's a list sent out with the invite & you're not 'allowed' to go off list.
If you really don't want to get her something off her list I think it's fine, as a PP said nappies are great as you can't have too many! But I don't think just having a list in itself is grabby, it depends on the intent.

BlinkAndMiss · 02/08/2014 23:17

Baby showers are grabby and unnecessary, people buy the baby gifts once it's arrived so this is just another way of getting more 'stuff' which is then confirmed by the gift list. Awful.

My SIL has told everyone that when her baby is born she would just like vouchers so that they don't have to dress the baby in clothes that don't suit their taste. Rude!

And for people worrying about buying duplicates or buying things they don't 'like', get a gift receipt with the item you choose. That way it can be returned or exchanged without issue.

It is rude to expect gifts even of it's tradition, it's even worse to start dictating to people what you would like. The gifts are supposed to be for the baby, not the parents.

Original poster

Cazm2 · 02/08/2014 23:21

ThAnk you blink miss you basically wrote what I though just more succinctly!! I just don't think it's needed to dish out orders on gifts it also places pressure on people

OP posts:

Marnierose · 02/08/2014 23:32

I didn't go to a friends shower because a list was provided. It just ruined the whole point of it fit me. The irony is that I would have taken a gift , I just wanted it to be something meaningful that I had made/chosen.

BumpNGrind · 02/08/2014 23:38

I'm pregnant and have been absolutely inundated with people asking what I want for the baby. It's unbelievably generous but I feel completely overwhelmed as does my DH. I'm an only child from a non present buying wider family, I've never really expected to receive gifts and feel very awkward even talking about it,

However, I've also got way ahead of myself and in the excitement of being pregnant, have lost all power of self control, buying a beautiful wardrobe full of clothes as well as nearly everything else baby related.

I've actually sat down with DH and we've written a list of things we don't have but could actually need. I'm really torn on whether it will seem grabby to give people the link to our list but it seems from your post that it is really grabby. Do you think that maybe your SIL is in a similar position to me?

Noodledoodledoo · 03/08/2014 07:35

I tend to either buy a present for mum for shower ie tolietries, nice coffee, promises of meals delivered if local enough, and then present for babyafter they are born. Or If not an exceptionally close friend just buy what I would when baby was born. Most of my friends follow this pattern.

Only1scoop · 03/08/2014 07:38

Baby showers are often grabby and contrived....this one sounds awful. I'd personally rather stick pins in my eyes than go to that.

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