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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is grabby?

78 replies

Cazm2 · 02/08/2014 22:12

SIL is expecting firstborn and having baby shower. This is being organised by two people there are near on 40 people coming!! People have been asking what presents to give and get organisers have been pointing people in direction of what SIL wants as she has already bought everything. Then SIL has provided a list if things she would like!!! Specifically clothes a sling etc she doesn't know what she is having so would rather give clothes once baby born do more gender specific, now been pointed in the direction of a certain shop which is selling clothing range with character that SIL has done the nursery in. AIBU in that you should be grateful for any presents you get and sometimes receiving duplicates of things is part and parcel of life when you have a baby. I had small shower and small gifts never gave a list or expected anything thoughts please?

OP posts:

JenniferJo · 03/08/2014 07:40

Baby showers are American shite and very grabby.

Mumof3xox · 03/08/2014 07:43

I've never had or been to a baby shower

I don't know anyone in real life who had had one!

It does sound awfully grabby to me

Batmansbuttocks · 03/08/2014 07:48

I've got this, my Dsis is pg and is much younger than me and of 'that' generation and social group. She already has a baby shower 'planner' and she's only 13 weeks.
I've given her bags and bags of maternity clothes and bought a few babygros etc. and will buy gifts when the baby is born.

I just can't buy a gift from a ''list'' and do all that fake bullshit. I just can't. I feel nauseous. And if she cuts a cake with blue/pink sponge to reveal the sex I may actually run from the room screaming.
So grabby and entitled and just sucks the joy out of having a baby. Makes people resent buying gifts instead of feeling generous.

Ironically my Dsis felt the same until she was upduffed but the thought of all that free stuff must be so appealing.

Vile. I may be busy until next Easter.

R4roger · 03/08/2014 08:05

it is a very grabby idea

Original poster

Cazm2 · 03/08/2014 08:06

Aside from the fact that it's going to cost a fortune I am contributing some money towards cost of food etc decorations etc. I suggested gifts for mum but was poo pooed by rest of group!

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 03/08/2014 08:09

Food .....decorations....

So you are contributing to that.

So she knows she's having it and has written a list of specific gifts??

Ugghhhhhhhh

Grabsville at it's worse

Now....you don't want to go near mummy to be with that bug you are about to contract day before do you??

SquinkiesRule · 03/08/2014 08:15

The only showers I've been to were in the US and not in the least bit grabby. No lists were ever provided and some of them groups of friends or family had clubbed together to get something more expensive like a car seat. Mostly it was small presents of packs of baby vests in varying sizes, packs of nappies and baby grows etc. The clothes all included gift receipts and then could be changed for another size of the right gender.
Sorry to say but it seems that the UK has taken the idea of baby showers and turned it into something more grabby than I had seen from normal US families. The showers there were a chance for all the women and a few small children to get together and chat, play silly games, win a few small prizes and have a lot of fun. Same with bridal showers.

Purplepoodle · 03/08/2014 08:17

I hate baby showers they are so American and not in a good way. Presents should be brought once the baby is born. I'm terribly superstitious and refuse to buy gifts until the baby is born.

Bodicea · 03/08/2014 08:23

So grabby to expect a gift at baby shower as well as gift after baby is born. Personally I would give mum a small gift that is a treat for herself such as chocolate or bath stuff at a shower. I didn't have one myself.

Only1scoop · 03/08/2014 08:24

Baby showers in the States are fine....a tradition of a gathering organised by family friends etc....

As are bridal showers....

HappyAgainOneDay · 03/08/2014 08:24

Yes, another undesirable American import .....

LePetitPont · 03/08/2014 08:27

I think it's a bit unfair to suggest the sil is demanding gifts. Maybe she just wanted to get together with her friends all at once before the baby arrives - not grabby - and these friends have kindly, generously offered to buy a little something.

I like buying presents - it's a nice thing to do! And happier to get something that's required than something someone already has 5 of, surely.

Or make her something totally personal and special?

Teddybeau1988 · 03/08/2014 08:33

My brother and his DP had their first baby last year. Her friends organised the shower, the invite instructed us to contact one of them (the organisers) to be given an item from the list to gift to them. I though that was ridiculous as I wanted to pick out my own present for my first nephew. The cheeky twunts even phoned me to say there wasn't many items left to pick from off the list so what was I getting!

daisychain01 · 03/08/2014 08:38

Another one in the grabsville-Arizona camp.

Puts me right off.

Alconleigh · 03/08/2014 08:45

Baby showers in a culture that understands and knows how to do them, such as the US, grand. Over here, not so much. I give a present when a baby has arrived safe and well, not before, and that's a fairly common English tradition. Not sure about the rest of the UK. Also, it seems to attract materialistic types who spend too much time reading about the lifestyles of the Kardashians on the Mail sidebar of shame and in witless magazines. Again, no.

Clutterbugsmum · 03/08/2014 09:34

I suspect baby/wedding showers in America are not done in a grabby way, but in way to celebrate the event. Where as in this country it just seems to be a way of dictating where, when and how much 'our friends' spend on a gift.

BookFairy · 03/08/2014 09:43

Let's not start blaming Americans for rudeness in this country. Like people have said, showers in the US are for getting together and showing support for pregnant women. It seems to be the Brits who are unable to control themselves!

Only1scoop · 03/08/2014 09:46

What Book says....

TheBogQueen · 03/08/2014 09:46

I loved the one held in Mamas and Papas. You get a glass of warm wine and a curly cheese sandwich and then to fork out fir some overpriced tat fir PFB.

TheBogQueen · 03/08/2014 09:48

Mind you don't get me started on 'push presents'

DoJo · 03/08/2014 09:54

People have been asking what presents to give

Wouldn't it be a bit churlish to ignore people who are specifically asking what they would like for the baby? I don't understand why it is considered grabby to answer a question from a guest.

Original poster

Cazm2 · 03/08/2014 10:05

I just think she shouldn't have any input planning her own baby shower and then provide a list and only want a specific clothing line is a bit much

OP posts:

soverylucky · 03/08/2014 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lettertoherms · 03/08/2014 10:31

Thank you to the posters who have already said American showers aren't like this!

Also, we don't give gifts when baby is born and most people don't do christening parties. The only time you give a gift is at the shower to prepare pregnant mom for her first baby.

I like lists. If I'm going to get something, I'd rather get something they will like and need. Why not? It doesnt mean something off-list wouldn't be appreciated or accepted graciously.

BumpNGrind · 03/08/2014 11:19

Some people are incredibly miserable on here. Accusing people you've never met of being grabby isn't really on.

Since I got pregnant my friends have been asking me about a baby shower. My DM has also been itching to have one, this certainly isn't driven by me (and rarely is in my experience, most mums to be like the idea of putting their feet up a few weeks before due date). However my friends love having get together so and as we live dotted across the country we usually have to have a good reason to meet up.

The baby showers I've been to have never come with a list or even an expectation that you should buy anything, I've always chosen to make something and those gifts have been treasured by my friends. The showers I've been to are all about playing games, chatting, catching up, laughing and being excited together about a new life.

Some people need to actually learn how to be happy for others, you are allowed to celebrate and enjoy yourselves.

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