To be sad that my DD thinks I'm 'not as cool as X's Mum'

[CambridgeBlue]

I turn myself inside out trying to make sure she has a good summer holiday, working long hours in a job I often hate so I can be there for her as much as I can, and trying to plan nice stuff we can do together or for her to do when I have to work. I give her more freedom than I would prefer because I know how important it is to fit in. I dress reasonably fashionably and think I am pretty good fun but it's not bloody enough.

In addition DH looks after her for one day because I have a meeting I can't get out of, despite me making all the rest of the holiday childcare arrangements, and now he's the best thing since sliced bread.

I know kids can be selfish and thoughtless but I can't help feeling really sad. Bloody 12 year olds who think the world revolves around them :(

Other people's lives are always more exciting. Your daughter's friend probably think you are 'cool'.

That's pretty normal, my oldest seems to hate me my youngest thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread. It will pass and you will have a normal member of society who will love you and be greatful. I base this my brothers and sister who have been through this stuff

And what rivercam said

You're not cool? Well done! You're doing your job then.

Your job isn't to be cool, it's to be a parent, who sets boundaries, and makes sure their DC's needs are met, and some of their wants.

That 'cool' parent probably has problems with boundaries, and wants to be her DC's friend, and not their parent. That way madness and poorly behaved DC lies.

My kids think I'm long, raw, and all manner of other shite. Fortunately their friends flock in here because I'm sick and occasionally peng.
If any of my childrens used the word 'cool' I'd think they were the subject of an alien invasion

Everyone else's parents are cooler, they are not the ones making them clean up their bedrooms, do their homework and limiting their screen time! day to day, Dad probably isn't either. She probably also thinks that if ahe says dad is cooler you'll be more lenient on the above!

She'll get over the horror of you not being as cool as Sophie's mum at about 18, and you'll have a nice solid relationship built on her knowing ypu have her best interests at heart and that you won't take crap.

Isn't it what teenagers normally think of their parents? How are they going to separate from you and build their separate identities if you are the best?

My four year old tells me I'm not as pretty as Archie's mum. Archie's mum is very pretty. Grr.

What MrsTerry said.

Stop trying so hard. It's unwinnable.

You're giving her too much power over the way you feel. Your role is to keep her warm, fed, loved and safe. If you're doing that, who cares about cool.

I recall going on a sleepover at the age of about 12, and coming home and waxing lyrical about my friends house because it was so messy that the mother did not even put the ironing away and the rabbit had shat on the carpet and it was left there for so long that the pellets had gone white. Plus we had milk and rich tea biscuits for dinner. I thought that was absolutely the last word in cool.

My Mum was so hurt.

Cool mum = mum that lets 12 year olds get away with things they (ie 12 yo) think are cool

Watch "Mean Girls." See what you think of the Cool Mom in that.

Oh yes we've had that, my son's friends somehow apparently thinking we are cool parents when obviously we are just embarrassing.

Guess you're right, I'd better grin and bear it and count the days until she leaves home instead of feeling hurt. Stings a bit though when you've tried so hard to do everything right.

Oh and I know X's and X's Mums and they both seem really nice with similar views and levels of what they let the kids get up to as me. I could understand it if they were obviously different but I really can't see why they are 'better' than me.

I think that you wouldn't be human if you weren't hurt, CambridgeBlue

The mum that I thought was cool when I was that age was disinterested, bordering on neglectful as a parent. She didn't impose curfews, notice when we stole her cigarettes or have a problem with boys staying over because she didn't care. Kids are only interested in what furthers their immediate desires, not the bigger picture - of course parents who love and protect them and stop them from doing stupid things aren't cool, but a teenager's definition of cool isn't my idea of what makes a good parent.

It's part of growing up.

www.tellyads.com/show_movie.php?filename=TA0665

What DoJo says with bells on. That is it exactly

Apparently I had more wrinkles than Xs mum when DD1 was about 7/8

Even though I'm paranoid about what other people think about me, Xs mum is really nice so it was easier for me to shrug off unlike the claim of a lad in her class that I looked like Michael Jackson (when he was alive!)

She's recently told me she's realised how easy she has it after being round at other peoples houses, and I thought I was pretty strict Swings and roundabouts innit?

I know it's beyond pathetic, but I still haven't forgotten my daughter saying that she wished one of her playgroup workers was her mummy. I felt so heartbroken. It's very upsetting to know that you've been compared and found wanting. My daughter is now 23 yrs old!

Oh please, as her mother you are contractually obliged to be breathtakingly uncool.

Don't change!