To be sad that my DD thinks I'm 'not as cool as X's Mum'

[CambridgeBlue]

I turn myself inside out trying to make sure she has a good summer holiday, working long hours in a job I often hate so I can be there for her as much as I can, and trying to plan nice stuff we can do together or for her to do when I have to work. I give her more freedom than I would prefer because I know how important it is to fit in. I dress reasonably fashionably and think I am pretty good fun but it's not bloody enough.

In addition DH looks after her for one day because I have a meeting I can't get out of, despite me making all the rest of the holiday childcare arrangements, and now he's the best thing since sliced bread.

I know kids can be selfish and thoughtless but I can't help feeling really sad. Bloody 12 year olds who think the world revolves around them :(

[KnittedJimmyChoos]

You're giving her too much power over the way you feel

Totally agree with this and what you think is right and her are probably very different things as you are different people.

Be true to yourself, and keep a steady course.....and know at the end of the day you did your best, thats all any of us can do!

Its often only when they have their own children they truelly appreciate what you are about and have gone through

[CocktailQueen]

Wtf are long, raw, peng and sick??

[BBQSteak]

you sounds like a amazing mum to be

I think your dd need a good talking to, make her read this thread.
might make her think how life is for you

good luck op, your doing brill

[ClashCityRocker]

Seriously, if your twelve year old thinks you are the coolest mum in the world, you should have a good long hard look at yourself.

I think at a similar age I once informed my mum that she was 'worse than hitler' and spent hours hunting the house for my birth certificate because I was obviously adopted, how else could a couple of squares end up with such a totally awesome utter Pratt child as me? I mean she wouldn't let me dye my fringe purple FFS! (I did it anyway, and spent an entire term with purple eyebrows after the dye ran....)

Don't take it to heart, as an adult my mums one of my closest confidants and one of my favourite people in the world.

Parents aren't cool when you're twelve. X's daughter probably thinks her mum is a geek too.

[BBQSteak]

to be?
I mean to me

[ExcuseTypos]

They only think the other mums are cool because they don't actually live with them. So they only see and here about the good bits.

[EthicalPickle]

If your kids think you are cool when they are 12 you are doing it wrong.

[EthicalPickle]

My mum wore a purple velvet pant suit to parent teacher interviews when I was about 12. At the time I thought it was the most uncool thing every done in the history of mankind.

I have since changed my mind and now think it was very cool indeed.

[ClairDeLoon]

My mum was really cool and I didn't appreciate it until I was 18 and stopped needing discipline! If you're cool to a 12 year old, you're most likely doing something wrong

Don't break your back trying to be super cool and amazing, she's a preteen, she's likely not actually going to appreciate any of it for a long time and you'll end up like Regina George's Mom in her eyes

[ExcuseTypos]

I remember both my DDs used to winge say "but x's mum lets them do this/that/the other"
I used to say "oh that's nice, but I'm not letting you because I love you more than chocolate"

They are 23 and 20 now and much more appreciative!

[JoeyMaynardsghost]

Wtf are long, raw, peng and sick??

Please don't make me ask my DD! I don't need a sigh and then an explanation in words so slow you could run to the chippy in between!

[RelocatorRelocator]

cashmiriana I immediately thought of that ad too!

Agree that it's against your job description to be cool OP. Sorry.

[mommy2ash]

anyone who thinks their mom is cool usually is a total nightmare of a kid with a parent who couldn't care less. I'm never going to be the cool mom, I'm not her friend and will be glad of that once the teenage years are over lol

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

I'm not as cool as X's Mum (who is properly cool, while still being at least as strict as I am)

I'm not as tall, pretty or fashionable as Y's Mum and I'm not as much of a bitch as Z's

I'm simply the only mum you've got so you might as well make the most of it.

And no I'm nit going to appologise for marrying that enbarresing eccentric Father of yours, your stuck with him too.

[FunkyBoldRibena]

Rofl. The cool mum at my school was having an affair with a barely out of his teens twenty year old, he painted their names on his shed that her husband would see each time he came home from work, and she held led zep parties and got me drunk on cider at 13. Her 'au pair' was apparently catholic and told us all about shagging her boyfriend on the sofa the night before but not using contraception (but played Bowie day in day out and got me into glam).

She was awesome but not what you would call a responsible parent.

Happy days. missing the point of the thread

[BackforGood]

I agree with those who say if your 12 yr old thinks you are cool, then you aren't doing your job right.

[Bettercallsaul1]

Don't worry - they come to appreciate you in the end! By their twenties, so, erm, only eight years to go!

[Bluestocking]

It's also possible that your DD has realised that she can push your buttons by telling you you're not as cool as X's mum - all the more reason to react with a shrug and a "meh".

[ArsenicFaceCream]

It's also possible that your DD has realised that she can push your buttons by telling you you're not as cool as X's mum - all the more reason to react with a shrug and a "meh".

THIS^

[RockinHippy]

Yeah, it's THAT age isn't it - mine thinks rolling her eyes & huffing is normal conversation with us these days

We did have moment recently though, where she'd made a YouTube video of a mini festival we had taken her too & she caught us on camera - several of her friends commented on how cool we are & how cool not to have "normal boring parents" & how lucky she was

DD was said she shocked, as she thought we were very normal boring parents - but I think she saw us in a different light for a few days


So don't worry somebodies 12 year old will think you are uber cool - way cooler than their parents - just not your own who you do everything for

I'm reliably informed by friends with older girls, it's a phase & it too shall pass

They reckon 6 years [sobs hysterically]

[brdgrl]

My 4 year-old was on timeout the other day. I could hear her in her bedroom, talking to her imaginary dog, and naming all the other mums she knew, trying to decide which ones would be better than me.
She didn't come up with one before her timeout ended, but it is only a matter of time - she doesn't know that many other mums yet!

[Blondieminx]

I totally agree with HayDayQueen.

Darling you sound like you work very hard, but she is 12... and unfortunately those closest to us know how to push our buttons...! Chin up x

[brdgrl]

Oh, and my DH is very 'cool' according to all the kids' friends - but DSS still finds him absolutely mortifying. :)

[thecatfromjapan]

Darling, you're OK. In some ways, my mum was pretty cool: she flirted with any and all boys I brought home; she demanded - and received - any attention that was available. I know for a fact that lots of my friends thought she was the coolest mum.

Do you think you;d like to be like that?

Your child is 12. She's learning about people and the world. She's learning what she likes, what she doesn't like; what she wants to be like, what she doesn't want to be like; what consequences there are for all the choices she makes. That kind of learning takes time: she has to see how things play out over weeks, months, years.

She'll learn.

And I'll bet that, whatever she says about "cool", she'd rather have you as a mum than anyone else.

And that is actually the coolest thing.

Children are fab. They are delicious people that we love a lot. But we are a lot older than them, a lot more experienced, and often a lot wiser. You're reacting to what she says with an adult's wisdom, but she is really only a child saying these things.

Hope you have a lovely weekend.