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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have had a go at this woman for telling her child my dog was going to bite her?

115 replies

wannaBe · 01/08/2014 19:02

so, I get out of a lift with my guide dog, only to encounter a woman some ten feet away disciplining a child of about three.

Child was mildly whinging over something, almost as soon as she must have seen me the woman said to her dd: "if you don't stop that now that dog is going to bite you.

Now, I am usually fairly impatient with ignorant members of the public who ask whether the dog can cook/cleans the house (ha ha I wish)/assumes that the dog knows when to cross the road and so on, and will explain patiently how the dog is/isn't trained and what he can/cannot do.

On this occasion however I think the woman's idiocy knew no bounds, so I very calmly, but assertively said to her, in front of her still whinging child, "please don't tell her that. Telling a child that she is going to be bitten by a guide dog is not helpful when your child starts screaming at the prospect of being bitten when potentially coming face to face with my dog in a shop/restaurant/place where he is allowed to be due to the fact he is a guide dog." She replied "well I thought it would make her behave." to which I'm afraid I responded "well that's really not my problem."

I will point out that I never raised my voice to the stupid woman once. But that she was a first class idiot. And no, I don't care if she was at the end of her tether, that's up there with "the policeman will arrest you if you don't behave" and "if you run off you'll be taken by a bad man."

OP posts:
TheBloodManCometh · 01/08/2014 19:57

I can't believe anyone would think YABU to be honest

a) ridiculous to tell a child that they will be attacked for misbehaviour. As previous posters have said - why instill a fear of dogs in a child?

b) people need to be able to control and discipline their children themselves. NEVER threaten a child with something that won't/can't happen.

Bumply · 01/08/2014 19:58

I am gobsmacked that people terrorise their children in this manner, however stretched to their limits they may be.
And even more so that there are people on this thread castigating the OP for complaining about it!

PleaseJustShootMeNow · 01/08/2014 20:04

YANBU as others have said it's a ridiculous way of trying to discipline a child. Although I must confess that I was secretly laughing at my friend's outrage when she discovered that some parents in the little village where she lives were telling their kids that she was a witch who would cook them and eat them if the were naughty. It took her a long time to work out why all the kids were scared of her.Grin

NellyNoodle1 · 01/08/2014 20:18

I'm with Isabell.

Dogs are generally part of the family - I would be furious if someone told their kid mine was going to bite them.

I used to get it when I worked in the shop 'the lady will tell you off'. We no she won't be she's going to tell you off in a minute for not controlling your child.

SqueakySqueak · 01/08/2014 20:18

YANBU.

Teaching children dog safety is one thing, using a dog as a threat is another.

More importantly, the dog owner is always, always responsible for the behavior of their dog. So if a dog did bite it would be the owner's fault, not the child's. Children should never be made to feel it was their own fault for getting bit by a dog (unless they did something like yank it's tail, even then it's a grey area as dogs that aren't tolerant of children shouldn't be brought to areas where they could be).

In any case, as a face painter I did have parents use me as a threat. That if they didn't behave I wouldn't paint their face. It was irritating, I just ignored it while painting the other faces. I didn't have a problem telling kids to behave though either, most times parents were embarrassed if I had to correct their kids behavior. The only time I backed up parents is when they told the kids I was on break and couldn't paint faces. I'm not going to give them unnecessary drama.

AskBasil · 01/08/2014 20:22

Oh you sound like a bit of an arse tbh.

Of course she was idiotic. But when you challenged her on her idiocy, she gave you a bit of a lame excuse as to why she'd been idiotic.

You came back with "that's not my problem".

Your guide dog isn't her problem. But she didn't say that to you, did she? She offered you a lame excuse, realising that she'd been a bit thick - an excuse she doesn't owe you, she could have just told you to mind your own business because as long as she's not being abusive, what she tells her DD is her business. But she didn't, she engaged with you. In return, you offered her a lack of empathy and a sentiment absolutely calculated to make her resent you. All of us realise that our problems aren't other people's problems, but we generally don't need to inform each other of that fact.

Ilovenewts · 01/08/2014 20:23

What did happen with the follow up to the resteraunt wannabe ?

CocktailQueen · 01/08/2014 20:24

Yanbu at all. What a mad thing for the woman to say - way to go to make her dc scared of dogs, esp. Guide dogs! Bonkers. Good for you.

Morris - great name but I don't agree with you. A policeman will never come and take your dc, no matter how much you threaten, so what's the point? You don't want dc to be scared of police - they may need help from them at some point.

badgerknowsbest · 01/08/2014 20:29

yanbu, well done for pointing out how idiotic this woman was. When I worked in retail I heard so many parents saying dont do that, or dont knock items everywhere because that lady will tell you off... sigh.

NewtRipley · 01/08/2014 20:30

I think what you said was entirely reasonable.

It matters that children aren't taught to be terrified of dogs but to show healthy respect.

Really odd thing for her to say. I dislike stupid threats but I understand they are sometimes borne of desperation

Iggly · 01/08/2014 20:32

Yanbu

She was being lazy!

NewtRipley · 01/08/2014 20:32

I thonk this sort of "technique" happens, but to advocate or justify it is going a bit far.

NewtRipley · 01/08/2014 20:34

Morris

It matters to the OP because she has a working dog.

ilovesooty · 01/08/2014 20:35

Good for you. Behaviour like that woman's puts working guide dogs and their owners at risk if children are encouraged to become fearful. I can't believe anyone's criticising you for taking it up with her.

Parent your children how you like - but don't compromise the safety of others.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/08/2014 20:38

MorrisZapp - you say you threaten your child with 'the policeman' to make them behave. I think that is a really bad idea, because if you make your child afraid of policemen, what are they going to do if something happens and they should be asking a policeman for help? Let's say they wander off in a shop and get lost - they see a policeman, but they are too scare of him to ask him for help, so they run away from him and maybe get into more danger. That would be your fault.

You need to learn to discipline your child without using any sort of bogeyman - it is lazy parenting, IMO.

Catsize · 01/08/2014 20:39

Well done OP. Smile
When I worked in shops etc., I too was the target of 'that lady will tell you off'. No I won't. Don't project your crap onto me.

NewtRipley · 01/08/2014 20:41

I agre SDGT. Not thought through at all.

ithoughtofitfirst · 01/08/2014 20:48

I'm absolutely crying at this! "the dog will bite you" LMAO that's so messed up

BravePotato · 01/08/2014 20:49

I hate being used as a threat.

The other day, my friend left her DS with me for the day, and she said crossly, before leaving: "If you don't put on your sun cream, Brave will get very very angry with you."

The child is 8 FFS, and looked at me all worried and twitchy.

So I said "No, I won't get angry or scary. I may tickle you though, and if you won't put suncream on, maybe you let me do it for you?"

I just don't like being used as the bogey man! Also, that's not my style of being with kids.

BravePotato · 01/08/2014 20:49

So well done OP, you made a good point.

Gruntfuttock · 01/08/2014 20:50

Bumply "I am gobsmacked that people terrorise their children in this manner, however stretched to their limits they may be.
And even more so that there are people on this thread castigating the OP for complaining about it!"

What Bumply said - word for word.

MagicMojito · 01/08/2014 20:52

I've already said that what you are saying isn't wrong, that technique very rarely works and is lazy parenting even though I'm guilty of using said technique daily however you come across mean as you said in your OP that you tolerate ignorant members of the public, you call a clearly stressed out mother am idiot and stupid several times and it just doesn't come across. very well. to me

Gruntfuttock · 01/08/2014 20:54

Exactly, SDTG, children should be taught that the police are there to help you. It infuriates me to hear children being taught to fear them. It's such a twisted way of thinking and totally counter-productive.

BreadForBrains · 01/08/2014 20:55

Yanbu. The woman was a lazy fool for not taking control of her childs whining herself.
I used to work in a shop and would hear "If you don't behave yourself, that lady will tell you off".
I used to respond with a cheery grin at the child telling them "no I won't, I'm really nice" and raise my eyebrows icily at the lazy person who couldn't be bothered to lay down the law themselves. I have dc myself and see it as my job to set rules/manners/boundaries, not members of the unsuspecting public.

BreadForBrains · 01/08/2014 20:55

Yanbu. The woman was a lazy fool for not taking control of her childs whining herself.
I used to work in a shop and would hear "If you don't behave yourself, that lady will tell you off".
I used to respond with a cheery grin at the child telling them "no I won't, I'm really nice" and raise my eyebrows icily at the lazy person who couldn't be bothered to lay down the law themselves. I have dc myself and see it as my job to set rules/manners/boundaries, not members of the unsuspecting public.