to have had a go at this woman for telling her child my dog was going to bite her?

[wannaBe]

so, I get out of a lift with my guide dog, only to encounter a woman some ten feet away disciplining a child of about three.

Child was mildly whinging over something, almost as soon as she must have seen me the woman said to her dd: "if you don't stop that now that dog is going to bite you.

Now, I am usually fairly impatient with ignorant members of the public who ask whether the dog can cook/cleans the house (ha ha I wish)/assumes that the dog knows when to cross the road and so on, and will explain patiently how the dog is/isn't trained and what he can/cannot do.

On this occasion however I think the woman's idiocy knew no bounds, so I very calmly, but assertively said to her, in front of her still whinging child, "please don't tell her that. Telling a child that she is going to be bitten by a guide dog is not helpful when your child starts screaming at the prospect of being bitten when potentially coming face to face with my dog in a shop/restaurant/place where he is allowed to be due to the fact he is a guide dog." She replied "well I thought it would make her behave." to which I'm afraid I responded "well that's really not my problem."

I will point out that I never raised my voice to the stupid woman once. But that she was a first class idiot. And no, I don't care if she was at the end of her tether, that's up there with "the policeman will arrest you if you don't behave" and "if you run off you'll be taken by a bad man."

[NewtRipley]

Magic

Yes, the mum might be stressed out, or she might be a fool.

Regardless, it is important to the OP because she doesn't want children to over react to her dog, which she depends on for her safety.

[BlackDaisies]

What she said was silly and I don't think you were wrong to say something. However she was probably feeling completely stressed and worn down and at the end of her tether. Who knows why she was finding everything so difficult. I think there were kinder ways to get your point made than by telling her that her daughter's behaviour wasn't your problem. A comment like that in public, on top of a toddler tantrum would be enough to reduce many stressed parent to tears.

[Adikia]

yanbu, why would you deliberately tell your child something that might scare them? I used to be terrified of seaweed because my dad told me it was going to get me because I was refusing to get out the sea, even now i know what a stupid threat that was I still get creeped out by seaweed. Admittedly I have told DD that if she doesn't stop her tantrum she might upset a passing dog because she loves dogs but I've never threatened anything that might frighten her.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

YANBU the last thing you need is a child acting up around your Guide Dog when it's working. I never use a third party threat because it weakens my authority - you won't listen to me so I'm going to delegate the parenting to a random stranger? I agree with PP that the policeman threat is spectacularly misguided, I've taken my DC to big events like the Notting Hill Carnival from a young age and I've always pointed out the police as a safe person to go to if we get separated.

[CarryOnDancing]

Policeman, dog, wheelchair, being left there, I'll ring your Dad/Grandparent, bogeyman, naughty kids school, stranger will tell them off-all equal very messed up parenting.

Why would anyone want to threaten their own child, worry them and then give them reason not to trust your word? It is nothing but stupidity so who cares if she was left in tears. Maybe she will properly question her irresponsible approach!

I disagree with the notion of other people's parenting not being anyone else's business. Aren't we all meant to bring up each other's children in a community, where we don't use others to instil fear for the sake of getting a bloody coat on or similar? Surely kids shouldn't be subject to such idiocy just so we can all say we minded our own business?!

YANBU unreasonable OP, keep up the good work!!

[sarahquilt]

I'll be honest and say I think ywbu. The woman didn't actually believe the dog would bite the child; she was using a threat to discipline the child. That was not your business and you were oversensitive.

[SoleSource]

YANBU guide dog awww, DS is totally blind, might try and get one

[MagicMojito]

If the OP was titled "AIBU to think X,Y,Z is lazy parenting" then I'd agree with that statement. It isn't though! She is asking isbu for having a go at a mum who was trying to discipline her child (albeit in an ineffective and less than ideal way)

Frankly OP I really don't think it was your business to involve yourself. The fact you didn't raise your voice, does not mean you were not rude and unreasonable imo.

BTW, its not that I think you are a nasty or unpleasant person OP, its just that I happen to believe that on this occasion you were unreasonable.

[MsAnthropic]

YANBU!!!

The threat of "That 3rd party is going to do X to you" is my absolutely worst parenting peeve. My xMIL used to do it and it drove me potty. I could rant about it at length, but with STFU

[RevoltingPeasant]

Am I the only person on this thread who thinks that the wheelchair and guide dog examples are really fucking offensive and in a totally different category to waiters, police etc?

I am not exactly professionally offended, but seriously? It's okay to say things like that blind man will beat you with his cane or ooh that double amputee will come and cut off your legs too?

Cos to me, that's pretty much the same level of offensive crassness as what this woman said to her daughter.

[Idontseeanyicegiants]

The child would have believed that the dog would bite them though. It's right up there with 'wait till your Dad gets home' which is one I heard a lot working in shops.
It instills an unnecessary and unfounded fear into a child which won't be forgotten.

[MulberryPeony]

YANBU at all OP.

[wannaBe]

"your guide dog is not her problem." it will be her problem though if her child develops a phobia of dogs and it comes across mine or someone else's guide dog in a place where most other dogs are not allowed but guide dogs are - the playground; the park; the train or bus; in the confined space of a lift.

Ilove I passed the details of the restaurant to the guide dogs engagement officer who will contact the restaurant in question and speak to them about the law etc. We left and went somewhere else who didn't have an issue. Once you've told them that it's a guide dog and they're breaking the law there's really no point in staying to press home the issue if they're not prepared to listen to reason.

Magic I didn't say "on a daily basis" but yes, I frequently have to deal with members of the public who have no consideration for the fact that I have a working dog which is not public property. On the whole most members of the public are lovely. But yes, on a regular basis I am faced with people who:

feed my dog without my knowledge. Stroke my dog while he's working, including on such places as escalators where distracting him could put his safety at risk. Tell me that it's ok to stroke my dog when I correct him for being distracted by them (when they have not asked if it's ok to stroke the dog, he has a sign on his harnass asking people not to distract him). The woman who a couple of weeks ago ran over the dog in a disabled space on the bus because she felt her buggy had a right to be there over the dog. She could have just asked me to move him and I would have but instead she ran over him to make him move. I disciplined him because he jumped up when he shouldn't have, it was only after we got off the bus that ds informed me she'd run him over.

Ignorant questions I don't actually have an issue with, although some of them do make me chuckle, but if people don't ask they will remain ignorant.

So do forgive me if just once I reacted to a woman who was behaving idiotically (and yes, she was behaving idiotically) by using my dog as a threat. If a member of the public had heard dthat they could well have reported it to guide dogs as an aggressive dog and the dog could have been withdrawn for no good reason (and yes, such complaints happen to guide dogs on a regular basis.

[wannaBe]

"Frankly OP I really don't think it was your business to involve yourself." by involving me she made it my business.

[MsAnthropic]

Frankly OP I really don't think it was your business to involve yourself.
But the mother involved her in it by using her/her dog as a threat! This is one of the things I cannot stand about it. If I hear a parent say "the policeman is going to do X", I won't say anything, but when I have had people say "that lady (meaning me) is going to say X" then actually I will say "No, I won't. Please don't involve me"

[MrsTaraPlumbing]

Although the OP makes a good point I am amazed and a little intimidated by how many of you must employ perfect parenting techniques in public places at all times that you can tut tut and judge so harshly this Mother - at - the end -of...

Makes me realise how badly people must be judging me when I leave the house, I wonder if I will find a thread and recognise myself described in it.
shudder

[ilovesooty]

sarahquilt I think you're out of order to tell a visually impaired person dependent on a working guide dog that she is "oversensitive".

And yes - by using the dog as a threat the situation became the OP's business.

[NewtRipley]

Sarah

You completely missed the point

[MrsCosmopilite]

What a stupid woman you encountered.

I do use empty threats on my DD, but either with a realistic tone "If you don't act nicely we'll all have to leave this restaurant because we're disturbing people who have come here to eat", or totally ridiculous ones like, "If you don't behave then you'll have to have a monkey's bottom for tea". The giggles can usefully diffuse a situation.

I really don't want DD to be scared of dogs but unfortunately the area we used to live in (we moved three months ago) had a large park where people had dogs off leads. DD is only 3 and a bounding dog coming right at you, however friendly, can be terrifying - it's face is higher than the top of your head and it's trying to lick you. We're working on this on a daily basis.

[Adikia]

wannaBe please may I ask a stupid question (as you said you don't mind answering stupid questions)

How easy is it to distract a guide dog? as i said up thread DD loves dogs. I have taught her not to approach dogs and not to call them over but she does like to wave and say "good morning" to the lady opposite and "hi beautiful doggy" to her guide dog if we pass them, the lady always smiles and says hi but I'm a bit worried she's just too polite to say anything.

[Susyb30]

I don't think I would have said that to my ds if it was a guide dog, I certainly wouldn't say anything like "you'll end up in wheelchair " etc (how awful is that to say to your child). However, before ds came along I would always say I wouldn't be one of those parents who use the "the policeman, lady" etc but I have to say I do now! I have a very naughty little man who can turn shopping trips into a nightmare
Its not to make my ds frightened or threatened. "Put that back sweetheart the lady is watching you" can actually work for me! As for policeman..he loves policemen. .so if he's being naughty and I spy a policeman..brilliant. always works for me
While parents who use the "the dog could bite" may be simply wanting to make their child beware of dogs, some kids will have no fear and go straight over and start patting a dog, I personally don't think this is a good idea..dogs can be very unpredictable. Iv come across many dog owners who think their dogs are good natured but bounding over to a child in the park can be very intimidating for them!
0p, I can totally see where you're coming from..but at the same time if you'd said that to me I would have been thinking to my self mind your own bloody business.. (wasn't making it your business..if id said "the lady will bite you" then fair enough!)

[MagicMojito]

OP, I have not been rude to you, I have not been offensive to you, in no way have I inferred that you need to be forgiven for being pissed off by the situation. I'm just disagreeing with you, that's all.

I think that had the lady directly involved you by saying to her dd " be quiet or that ladies dog will bite you, won't he?" and expect you to be complicit in the disciplining of her child in this way, then yes you could say what you wanted. But again, that's not what happened. She was speaking directly to her daughter, away from you and your dog. Imo there is a difference.

[edamsavestheday]

Wannabe, the woman was stupid and you were quite right, of course. Can't believe someone ran over your dog with a buggy!

I once upset a policeman by warning ds that if he didn't behave the policeman would tell him off. Hadn't realised the window of the squad car was open... in my defence, it's not the sort of threat I usually use but he was being impossible and exasperating in the way toddlers are, and had been all day, and I was worn out.

This little policeman voice came out of the car in a really upset tone 'excuse me Madam, we are here for the nice things too...'. Bless him.

[SistersOfPercy]

Yanbu op, and what you said was spot on.

Dh's late uncle was a policeman, we never used him as a threat. I do however have happy memories of him chasing dd around the house and handcuffing her (they were way too big). To have threatened our children with the police would have made them wary of their favorite uncle and that was something wet could never do.

Dh tells of being threatened with 'bobby bingo'as a child. I'd he didn't behave bobby bingo was coming. I think it amused rather than scared him.

[RevoltingPeasant]

Still can't believe the people who think YABU.

When I was little my grandmother used to say "if you don't behave a black man will come and take you away."

I suppose a man of Afro-Caribbean descent hearing that should just mind his own, though, eh, and stop being so uppity