to have had a go at this woman for telling her child my dog was going to bite her?

[wannaBe]

so, I get out of a lift with my guide dog, only to encounter a woman some ten feet away disciplining a child of about three.

Child was mildly whinging over something, almost as soon as she must have seen me the woman said to her dd: "if you don't stop that now that dog is going to bite you.

Now, I am usually fairly impatient with ignorant members of the public who ask whether the dog can cook/cleans the house (ha ha I wish)/assumes that the dog knows when to cross the road and so on, and will explain patiently how the dog is/isn't trained and what he can/cannot do.

On this occasion however I think the woman's idiocy knew no bounds, so I very calmly, but assertively said to her, in front of her still whinging child, "please don't tell her that. Telling a child that she is going to be bitten by a guide dog is not helpful when your child starts screaming at the prospect of being bitten when potentially coming face to face with my dog in a shop/restaurant/place where he is allowed to be due to the fact he is a guide dog." She replied "well I thought it would make her behave." to which I'm afraid I responded "well that's really not my problem."

I will point out that I never raised my voice to the stupid woman once. But that she was a first class idiot. And no, I don't care if she was at the end of her tether, that's up there with "the policeman will arrest you if you don't behave" and "if you run off you'll be taken by a bad man."

[coffeeinbed]

YANBU.

Someone did that to my dog

[sonjadog]

I think there is a big distinction between a pet dog and a guide dog here. If a woman had made that comment about my pet dog when I was out walking him, I would think she was a bit silly and might say something along the lines of "oh no, he's never bit anyone", but really it wouldn't matter.

To refer to a working guide dog the way she did, I think she deserves the OP's response. Guide dogs must be left to do their work without distraction. It is very important that people do not use them to scare their children in case their child reacts badly next time they see a dog and maybe causes the guide dog owner to have an accident. Children should be taught to keep their distance and let the dog do its job in peace.

[coffeeinbed]

Once and it really upset me.
It's just wrong.

My dog is lovely, don't misrepresent him.

[coffeeinbed]

I see your point Sonia, and I agree but my dog us part ift family and I'm not happy for him to be vilified and used as a threat.

[Stopmithering]

While I don't think YWBU in correcting this mother, calling her 'idiot' and 'stupid' doesn't sit well with me I'm afraid.
I agree with MrsTaraPlumbing.
I'm sure there have been times when I have committed the crime of lazy parent, perhaps at difficult times in my life when I have been too ill, tired, depressed, sad, miserable to calmly parent my difficult child.
I understand your frustration, but also sympathise with this 'stupid' 'idiot' of a mum.

[missingwordsround]

OP you were NBU.

I think you were amazing to calmly state your case.

I also do NOT think YABU to moan about her idiocy to us lot.

As stopmithering has admitted, it is lazy parenting. Being exhausted I can [massively] empathise with, but it isn't an excuse to be horrible......

I [personally] don't agree with a style of parenting where the child respects a mythical being/another person/animal in the vicinity more than the child respects their own parent(s).

I know pp have disagreed with this - but I honestly think it is better (in the long run) to have your child to respect you, not some "scary" dog/policeman/social worker .....etc

[AskBasil]

""your guide dog is not her problem." it will be her problem though if her child develops a phobia of dogs and it comes across mine or someone else's guide dog in a place where most other dogs are not allowed but guide dogs are - the playground; the park; the train or bus; in the confined space of a lift."

Oh I absolutely agree with you and as I said, I thought it was idiotic of her to tell her DC that your dog would bite her. The point I was making, is that the phrase "not my problem" undermined the reasonableness of your position because the use of that phrase is rarely an invitation to engage reasonably and constructively with what someone else is saying to you. You were in the right to challenge her, but I think you undermined yourself - when she remembers the incident, will she remember the important message you had for her, or will she just remember that someone made her feel like shit?

[lljkk]

I think a lot of folk on MN are hysterical about dog safety tell the truth, but I still tell DC that dogs might bite them. It's just a fact of how dogs are and it's need to know info; dC are not remotely afraid of dogs, we all love to have a good fuss over a friendly dog. Could a child really develop a phobia on back of the single threat OP describes?

[ohtheholidays]

Can I just say you should never threaten your child with the line the Policeman will take you away!

Think about it if they get lost when they're small(which lets be honest happens a lot with little one's) or they feel threatened or are lost or hurt and there's a policeman around you really don't want them to be afraid to ask them for help.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Ohtheholidays - I absolutely agree, and said the same thing yesterday.

Sarahquilt - I hope you have read some of the posts on here, and realise exactly why the OP had every right to say something to this woman - because setting her child up to be scared of guide dogs could make this child panic near another guide dog, and that could distract the dog and cause a serious accident for the guide dog's owner.

[Picklepest]

I'm on team op.

Woman was ridiculous. She should be ashamed of herself.

[WotchOotErAPolis]

YANBU. She shouldn't have threatened her child with what someone else's dog / child / parent might do.

It was her problem to sort. Picking out someone's dog might have been OK to a point, but guide dogs are a whole different issue. No child should be taught that guide dogs bite, but they DO need to be warned that a dog in general could bite if approached and always to ask the owner's permission if they want to stroke it.

As a dog owner, I don't mind if a child wants to stroke my dog, but then he's an easy-going chap. I have however ticked off a stranger's child for running at him, as you never know! Her Mum thanked me for talking to her DD. The DD did then come over to say hi to my dog 'properly' and they were abs fine together.

Sorry - prob a whole new thread there...!

[hotfuzzra]

I'm a police officer, I hate it when people say this within my hearing. We do our best to help people and we rely on the public to be confident enough to approach us if they need that help (as adults and children), not being brought up to think we are all faceless bogeymen who just punish people. Most of our time is spent dealing with people who need help, not criminals!
If a little child is lost they need to know they can approach us, not be scared in case they're told off for running away from their parent.
I agree there is an element of lazy parenting, whether you're at the end of your tether or not; it doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

YANBU. I have, however, told my dcs not to approach any dogs as the dogs will not know them and may be afraid, which could cause them to bark or bite if they feel threatened. I've repeatedly told them they are never to approach dogs unless they have the owner's permission. And have been snapped at by a few dog owners about that anyway - "MY dog isn't vicious you know!" No, didn't say they were, but ANY dog can snap or bite if they feel threatened by a couple strange dcs in their face.

I suppose she probably was at the end of her rope. Not the best way to deal with it, but then we don't know how the rest of her day was - it may have literally been the day from hell and she was just stressed. Now that you've mentioned it, hopefully she make an effort not to do that in future.

[Wellthen]

Those saying that this kind of parenting is acceptable, doesn't it bother you that its completely incorrect?

Dogs do not bite children because they are being 'naughty'. They bite if they are frightened. A child badgering mum for sweets, whining or annoying their sister isn't going to make a dog bite them.

Equally policemen do not discipline children unless they are unsafe or breaking the law and children are NEVER 'taken away' because of something they did. Bad behaviour does not cause disability and so on.

To me it is not just lazy bit actively damaging to tell children these lies. The degree of how damaging varies obviously. "that lady will tell you off' is not going to cause much damage. But 'you will end up like the lady on the chair'?! Disgusting. It needs challenging in all forms.

[thecatfromjapan]

In all honesty, you know you are BU.
If you really felt the need to engage with this stranger, there were better ways.
I suspect you came across as aggressive . In British culture, the simple act of engaging with a stranger on such an issue would come across as negatively unusual, and would usually be attended by verbal and non-verbal cues to signal it's lack of threat.
Realistically, if you had wanted to achieve anything other than a quick release of your own feelings of anger, this wasn't the way to do if.
So that begs the questin, you've posted here asking if you were being reasonable. But how can we answer if you don't say what you did it for and what you hoped to achieve?
To "save" the child from poor parenting? To bring about a change in ghe parenting style of the parent? To demonstrate to your dog thst people shouldn't calumny her?
All , I think, demonstrate a poor logic and a mismatch of intention, action and outcome.
I wish you more calm for your soul, peace for reflection and a better day tomorrow.

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

My DD was always really scared of dogs (she would run into a main road rather than face a dog so we had to be really careful to keep her safe and it limited places we could go)

She was in a shopping centre with my parents, my cousin and myself ( so 4 adults)
Two Trainee Guide Dogs came by, DD was - she didn't expect dogs in a shopping centre but she didn't react.

But my Dad (who adopted a retired guide dog, so should know better) said "Oh they're lovely, they're working. They won't come over and bite you"

I stagehissed "She isn't worried about being bitten, and until that thought was placed she didn't think for one second that they would "

She just didn't expect to see them, and she was more worried about being slobbered on than bitten.

So even rational adults say random stupid unhelpful things.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Have you not read the thread, thecatfromjapan??

The OP's dog is a guide dog. If the stupid mother makes her child afraid of guide dogs, and the child freaks out near one, the guide dog could be distracted which could lead to their owner being hurt or even killed.

THAT is why the OP had to challenge what the mother said - not because she needed to release feelings of anger or to save the child from poor parenting. As you would know if you had read the thread.

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

Oh and on another tangent:
I'm an NHS Podiatrist and the number of times someone comes in with a parent/spouce and says "Keep still or they'll chop your toe off ha ha ha"

. Like I''m going to say "Oh , how hilarious, there's your toe on the floor, that'll be because ya didn't sit nice".

I'm and seethe quietly. Hopefully they get the message .

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Are you ever tempted to say, "Ohhh silly so-and-so - of course I am not going to cut your toe off - isn't your relative funny?" - with a merry, of-course-I-am-joking laugh?

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Sorry - not sure that makes sense - I meant " "Ohhh silly patient's-relative - of course I am not going to cut your toe off - isn't your relative funny, Mrs X?" Does that make more sense? I have a headache and nothing makes sense for me at the moment.

[thecatfromjapan]

Sdtg: I have read it. I consider that a post/hoc rationalisation.
I realise that it is really only myself and agent zigzag who consider OP to be unreasonable, but so be it.
It's an opinion. Rivers won't run dry and the sun cease to rise just because there isn't unanimity of opinion on an issue that doesn't actually matter.

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

SDTG I don't answer , I pretend to be really concentrating hard and leave the comment 'hanging' in the air so they hopefully realise it wasn't a good thing to say.

If it was a relative with a confused elderly person, I might give them a 'look' and divert the patients attention.
If it was a parent with a child then I would say something

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

I've witnessed people telling their child (usually in a shopping centre) that "The bad man will come and take them away"

Once just after the disappearance of April Jones
I did say "Way to go there, put the fear of God in your kid eh?".

Mother was a bit put out.

[MysteriousCircusZebra]

I agree with you op. Well done for telling her. The woman was stupid and telling kids a guide dog is going to bite them doesn't do you, or other guide dogs owners any favors.