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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend walked out of restaurant without paying

456 replies

GermanHouseCat · 31/07/2014 20:13

NC for this. Long time MNetter, been on the site for years. Promise!

I went out last night with a friend and his brother and girlfriend. The friend lives abroad and is back for a few days so it was a nice chance to see him.

They had already eaten when I arrived (an independent gastro bar with table service) and then together we had a round of drinks before planning to move on to another bar.

We asked for the bill, which included the total of the food/drinks they had before I arrived and then the one round of drinks we had together.

When it arrived, friend said "let's just walk out, shall we?" Before I could even fathom what he meant, his DB and GF had agreed and they stood up and walked out.

I was completely Shock Shock and had to make a split second decision about what to do. The bill was large and I couldn't afford to pay it all - nor felt morally at the time that I should - I put the money on the table for my drink and left feeling mortified.

I am usually very assertive but I was just so shocked I didn't know how to handle it. I'm ashamed to admit it but I didn't call them up on it (they were all so cool about doing it) so en route to the next bar I feigned illness and came home.

It can't be a money thing, DF and his GF both have very good jobs, the brother is working.

AIBU to be absolutely mortified at being part of this? I feel that they have implicated me in this and any repercussions. Should I have paid the lot? Should I call the bar and give them DF's details?

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 01/08/2014 12:05

Tobias and SDTG, as I said in my post above (11:34:09), I was just guessing at why the manager was frosty. It was a theory, not a criticism from me. For what it's worth, I think the OP has done all she can, under the circumstances. She wasn't expecting it to happen and had no time to think, but as soon as she'd had a chance to reflect she acted.
Smile

OnlyLovers · 01/08/2014 12:06

I've been lurking for an update Blush and wanted to say well done. OP. It takes guts to make a phone call like that. The manager really could have been more gracious IMO.

I'd reply to your ex-friend and say that you didn't find it 'a laugh' and, by doing it while you were there, he put you in an extremely awkward position where you had to either pay for things you couldn't afford, or do a runner too.

Then I'd block his number and drop him like a bag of shite which he clearly is

How are you going to proceed with the other friend, who doesn't think this should define how you see DF in future?

MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 12:08

To be honest, while I completely get why she left without doing anything on the night, I also completely get why the manager was pissed off. It was far too late to do anything and it was his till that was down a considerable amount of money, when cashing up at the end of the night. Reconciling the food tickets and the money is the last thing you do at night as a manager or owner. So yes, he was grumpy because she was there and did nothing (though understandably). It might have just been an ask too far to expect a cheery never mind, eh?

It's a serious offense. And he treated it as such, and sadly, OP was complicit in it, by being there and leaving without doing anything.

Nobody gets to be happy in this, another thought for her feckless friends.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 01/08/2014 12:08

OP, I am pretty easy-going and non-judgmental of my friends, in matters of the heart and so on. I don't condone what they do but would carry on a friendship say if my friend was having an affair (which I know many on here wouldn't).

I wouldn't carry on a friendship after this though- what they did wasn't just dishonest and mean, it spoiled the evening, and dropped you in it as the last one to leave.

I would never ever go out with them again it's not just one of those things and I can honestly say that all my friends, even the ones who have done some stupid things in their times, would not have done this. How old are they? They sound extremely juvenile, like an extension of knocking on doors and running away- hilarious when you are 12, not so hilarious when you realise you've upset an older person living alone. It's like that in its selfishness.

OnlyLovers · 01/08/2014 12:16

Madame, I don't think the manager should have said 'a cheery never mind, eh'. I know it was serious. I just think he could have said 'Well, thank you for at least contacting us.'

She was complicit, yes, but as she says, she was gobsmacked and slightly paralysed by shock and guilt. She also couldn't afford the whole bill.

writtenguarantee · 01/08/2014 12:18

This kind of behaviour IS a biggie. It can push a business to the wall. I know.

It's just plain lack of empathy. I am sure it's a big laugh from some point of view, but certainly not from the restaurant's.

Original poster
GermanHouseCat · 01/08/2014 12:19

Just to say, even if I had taken a different route on the night and alerted the staff, by that time my "friends" would have been half way up the road (I've never seen anybody move so quickly when they legged it) so they probably wouldn't have caught them. But what may have happened (as others have said) is that I might have been held/police called/interviewed/forced to pay whole amount.

In retrospect I'm glad I handled it the way I did - except I wish I'd given them a massive bollocking there and then instead of going home.

OP posts:
MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 12:21

Maybe he didn't feel very grateful right at that moment? Like I said, they created a situation in which nobody gets to feel good except the bastards who dumped them in it.

I would assume he was a bit in shock, pissed off, and trying to process all the info.

I did say I understood why she didn't do anything on the night. But it was still not right. I'm sorry, but there it is. We all do stuff we shouldn't from time to time. Completely understandable, but still not great. If she had said something then and there they could have run after her friends and done something.

Yes she was in shock and mortified, but chose, I think, the wrong path. Understandably.

As it stands, the manager/owner is going to have to waste time tracking these twats down, or calling the police. A huge waste of time and effort with probably no gain.

This is my perspective from actually being in that position as an owner. I think I am being quite generous in understanding her initial reaction to pay and leave, even though I think it was the wrong thing to do.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/08/2014 12:21

I missed that, Gruntfuttock - I am sorry.

MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 12:22

The restaurant is still down a considerable amount of money. In August, which is a very very lean month for food businesses.

Pipbin · 01/08/2014 12:23

I think you should drop your friend for behaving like that, just like you would if you found out that he was shoplifting or robbing houses.
It was theft, pure and simple. There is no way I could be friends with someone who had such a skewed moral compass.
It's like being friends with someone and then finding out that they are a racist or homophobe.

MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 12:25

You would not have been made to pay the whole amount, that was just silly scaremongering, nor would you have been held against your will. Again, silly scaremongering. You might well have been asked to wait a bit, while they tried to sort it out. But that would have been the fault of your friends, not the restaurant. Not wanting to be inconvenienced is not a good reason not to do the right thing.

As I say, I DO understand why you did what you did, and very pleased you did let them know. I just think its a big ask to expect anything more than a frosty OK. There was not going to be a good end to it, really, was there? They dumped you in it, you got it in the neck. Like I say, another black mark against them.

ChasedByBees · 01/08/2014 12:40

Did the manager give any idea of what he might do next OP? He would be within his rights to go to the police. I'd keep your friend's texts just in case.

Roussette · 01/08/2014 12:42

I think it's a huge shock to think your friends aren't exactly like what you thought they were - especially as they have good jobs and can afford it. Shoplifting or this sort of thing - someone somewhere has to pay, whether that's future customers or in this instance the waiting staff.

EasterEggHuntIsOver · 01/08/2014 12:45

What utter shits. I wouldn't want to have anything more to do with these 'friends'.

They put you in a terrible situation. You could have lost your job.

You did the right thing by calling the restaurant, good on you.

EasterEggHuntIsOver · 01/08/2014 12:47

A bit harsh to say the OP took the wrong path, MadameDefarge.

OP was caught off guard, paid for her own drinks and called the restaurant that night. Which is what probably what most of us would have done.

ManAliveThisThingsFantastic · 01/08/2014 13:09

I worked in a sports bar while the World Cup was on, the ONLY sports bar i the vicinity so it was rammed.

A table left without paying for meal and drinks so it came out of my pocket. I did a 16 hr shift, with 1 break. I was still cleaning up ALONE at 2am and I didn't see a penny of the money I had earned as it covered their selfish arses.

Frontier · 01/08/2014 13:16

I am amazed it's l

Gruntfuttock · 01/08/2014 13:16

ManAlive that's just dreadful!

Frontier · 01/08/2014 13:18

I am amazed its legal to deduct this from pay. what about min wage?

Forget zero hours contacts, why isn't there a campaign against this?

sillystring · 01/08/2014 13:19

MadameDeFarge it's not "silly scaremongering", it happened to me. See upthread I posted about "friends" leaving us in the lurch in a branch of Old Orleans and the staff forcing us to stay until the police arrived who weren't best pleased at the staff for doing it. But whether you choose to believe it or not, it happened to me and I am NOT "silly scaremongering".

sillystring · 01/08/2014 13:19

It isn't legal to deduct it from pay.

MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 13:21

I have not been harsh at all. I have been very understanding. But it was the wrong thing to do, actually, even if it is something we all would have done. Doing the right thing is not always easy.

I am not having a go, I think that is clear. But the line in the sand is when you see someone commit a crime and you ignore it. For whatever reason. I understand her reasons, as I said. I think the OP has got off rather lightly, and all the blame is being deflected onto the friends, as it should be, but if she had taken a moment to think it through, it could have been resolved there and then, Or at least an attempt might have been made.

Friendships however can override our wider sense of morality in the moment, loyalty becomes an instinct which trumps logical thoughts. I get it.

But it was wrong to leave knowing a crime had been committed.

MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 13:23

well I have never heard of Old Orleans, but they detained you illegally and you could have sued.

It would not happen in most places. Yes, you would be asked to stay, if they needed to call the police, because you would be first and foremost witnesses to a crime.

Doing the right thing isn't always convenient, or pleasant. But it should not be avoided to save ourselves some trouble.

MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 13:25

I would have thought you would have welcomed the perspective on the owners or managers (another one upthread) in these circumstances, but clearly not. Though perhaps its the most pertinent one, given we are the actual victims of the crime.

But let's call the victims harsh, why not.

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