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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend walked out of restaurant without paying

456 replies

GermanHouseCat · 31/07/2014 20:13

NC for this. Long time MNetter, been on the site for years. Promise!

I went out last night with a friend and his brother and girlfriend. The friend lives abroad and is back for a few days so it was a nice chance to see him.

They had already eaten when I arrived (an independent gastro bar with table service) and then together we had a round of drinks before planning to move on to another bar.

We asked for the bill, which included the total of the food/drinks they had before I arrived and then the one round of drinks we had together.

When it arrived, friend said "let's just walk out, shall we?" Before I could even fathom what he meant, his DB and GF had agreed and they stood up and walked out.

I was completely Shock Shock and had to make a split second decision about what to do. The bill was large and I couldn't afford to pay it all - nor felt morally at the time that I should - I put the money on the table for my drink and left feeling mortified.

I am usually very assertive but I was just so shocked I didn't know how to handle it. I'm ashamed to admit it but I didn't call them up on it (they were all so cool about doing it) so en route to the next bar I feigned illness and came home.

It can't be a money thing, DF and his GF both have very good jobs, the brother is working.

AIBU to be absolutely mortified at being part of this? I feel that they have implicated me in this and any repercussions. Should I have paid the lot? Should I call the bar and give them DF's details?

OP posts:
Thenapoleonofcrime · 01/08/2014 11:27

That's the friendship done and dusted then, he's an utter pillock, it's not even a funny trick or anything.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/08/2014 11:29

I put this thread on my watch list so I could see how it came out. German - it is a shame that the bar manager was unpleasant to you, but, as CleanLines said, what you did took courage and decency.

I would message your ex-friend and ask them if it is OK that their minimum wage waitress/waiter probably ended up paying for their meal - does he still think it is just a laugh. And then I would tell him he is a thief and untrustworthy, and I don't want to have anything more to do with him - but the police might be in touch!

TessOfTheFurbyvilles · 01/08/2014 11:30

What an utter twat your "friend" is.

No biggie? Just a laugh?

Trying telling that to the minimum wage wait staff, who could very well have the bill docked from their wages, if you hadn't come forward with the details.

Utter knob.

sillystring · 01/08/2014 11:30

A similar thing happened to me about 30 years ago. We were in a branch of "Old Orleans" (don't think they exist anymore and with good reason). There were about 12 of us and the food and service were really poor. At the end of the meal, 3 couples said they weren't paying for it and got up and left leaving me, DH and 2 other couples to foot the bill. We simply didn't have enough money on us and nobody had a credit or debit card (dealt much more with cash in those days!). We left our share of the bill and told the waiting staff what had happened. They were horrible to us and called the police and refused to let us leave. The police took ages to come and when they did they said that no crime had been committed (by us) and that the restaurant staff were actually skating on thin ice by keeping us there against our will.

It was a really horrible experience and we couldn't get the other "friends" to see what they had done wrong. We'd been stuck there till about 2am and treated like criminals and they got off scot free. They seemed to think it was all a big laugh. Needless to say we stopped socialising wtih them and never went to an "Old Orleans" again!

Gruntfuttock · 01/08/2014 11:34

Maybe the manager thought you should have grabbed him or a staff member as your "friends" were leaving, rather than left with them and phoned later. I suppose he thought "Well, it's a bit late now isn't it? I can't do much about it now" I'm not criticising, just theorising about why he may have been off with you.

Littlebluesock · 01/08/2014 11:35

That is terrible!! My friend works in a high end bar/resteraunt and if one of her tables walks out she has to pay for the food and drinks !! She had a walkout last night and now has to pay £100 out of her wage! I would call the police anonymously if Im honest they both sound like horrible selfish people!

QuintessentiallyQS · 01/08/2014 11:36

Awful behavior.

Not sure I would give them a warning that the bar has been given their details. Do you really want them to think out a way of wriggling out of it, or blaming you?

Migsy1 · 01/08/2014 11:36

Even though he acknowledged that I was not one of the guilty parties he was in no way thankful or understanding that I was trying to put things right by phoning back with the details. I feel pretty shit.

If you speak to him again I think that you should explain that you are a victim too because it has caused you a lot of worry and upset, and as you paid for your drink and helped him to recover his unpaid, you would appreciate it if he would understand that you are on his side. i.e., don't speak to me in an unpleasant tone!

Migsy1 · 01/08/2014 11:36

"unpaid bill"

QuintessentiallyQS · 01/08/2014 11:37

Hopefully the bar can send him an invoice in the post.

Gruntfuttock · 01/08/2014 11:41

OP, how can your friends not understand/care that they committed a crime? It's theft, pure and simple and someone, whether waiting staff ot management, will have paid for their food and drinks and it is a big deal!

I really think the police should be called, either by you, or by the manager, if you gave him the friends' details.

duchesse · 01/08/2014 11:43

Well done on talking to the bar, OP. You didn't do it for a pat on the back and you can't blame the manager for being cross, so the fact he wasn't very pleasant to you is a fairly unimportant side-issue. You have done what you thought was the right thing.

I would be very tempted to go along with the suggestion of telling ex-friend you'd passed their details on. Even if nothing comes of it, they'll surely be sweating a bit. Especially as they almost certainly do it regularly and those guys were successfully prosecuted in North Devon recently.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/08/2014 11:45

I wouldent bother with them anymore. I would reply and tell them it is stealing, and poorly paid waiting staff had to pay for that out of their wages. The manager could have been politer.

MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 11:45

30% of food businesses go bust within the first three months. 50% within the first year.

This kind of behaviour IS a biggie. It can push a business to the wall. I know.

Which means people, local people lose their living. A community loses an asset; everyone loses. Apart from the spoilt, entitled bastards who think they are too cool for the rules to apply to them.

I never took walk out bills out of my staff wages. It came out of my pocket. I think that is despicable.

Though there is also another hidden problem behind that decision, which is staff treating their mates to food and drinks and labelling it a walk out. I can't tell you how many of my staff thought this was just fine and dandy. Not trying to divert the thread, but just showing the thought process behind taking the money from the staff.

for example, one girl's boyfriend would come in on busiest days (weekend lunchtime) block a table and order a coffee, and one for his mate. The waitress would then 'forget' to charge them. Not only did I lose the money from the coffee, which many would see as no biggie, but they blocked the table so real paying customers were being turned away.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/08/2014 11:47

No you don't have to inform 'friends' you have given the bar their details, why make life more difficult for yourself. Some things are best knot to ones self.

sillystring · 01/08/2014 11:48

I don't dispute that some restaurant owners/managers make waiting staff pay for dine and dash but it's not actually legal.

tobiasfunke · 01/08/2014 11:48

Actually you did the right thing and you weren't guilty of anything so the manager has no right to be rude to you. I would have so called him on it. You didn't have to tell them. You didn't have to pay for anything other than your drinks- so the manager is being a twat.

PerfectlyPosed · 01/08/2014 11:49

I had dinner and drinks with a couple of friends once and, when the bill came, one of my friends snatched the bill and went straight to the bar to pay it. This was very out of character for her as she's normally quite tight and will want to split everything evenly. It was only after we had left that I found out it was because they had left the food off the bill and, therefore, she was only paying for the drinks. I too was mortified.

A few weeks later, I went back into the bar and they recognised me and made me pay the lot. It was so embarrassing!

Gruntfuttock · 01/08/2014 11:50

tobiasfunke, as I said, I think that the manager would have appreciated being tipped off at the time of the walkout, by the one honest person there, not the next day, when he can't do a lot about it in comparison.

EthicalPickle · 01/08/2014 11:52

Don't worry that the guy was frosty, you still did the right thing. He may have been trying to digest the situation or he may just be a grumpy git

The important thing is that you have behaved properly. Thanks

Your EX friends are idiots.

I guess you live 'n learn.

Original poster
GermanHouseCat · 01/08/2014 11:53

What I struggle with is that DF used to be a decent guy. As part of a wider group of friends we used to eat out fairly regularly and there was never a hint of not paying. He would always buy his share of bar rounds etc.

One of the details I gave the bar is DF's Mum's address in the UK. Hopefully they can use that (the bro only moved out recently) and maybe DF's Mum finding out might make him realise it's not just a laugh.

One interesting thing is that a good friend of mine and DF's says that, while he doesn't agree at all with what he did, he doesn't think this should define how we see DF in future. Like hell it shouldn't! I think when someone shows you so clearly who they are, you should be grateful for the head's up.

OP posts:
VodkaJelly · 01/08/2014 11:54

My exh and I used to run pubs. One pub we had didnt have a busy food trade but we used to do lunchtime food. We had one couple leave without paying. Exh went round our small town, found them and virtually had the husband in a head lock dragging him back to the pub to pay for his food.

They claimed they had forgot, but it was a funny co-incidence that they happen to leave just at the moment the bar was unattended as the barman went round the back to get some more ice. He was only gone for a minute if that.

tobiasfunke · 01/08/2014 11:56

In an ideal world she should. But then she was shocked they did it and maybe she would've gone after them to tell them to pay. The fact is he should've been gracious enough to say thanks. She didn't have to phone and in her shoes I would think twice about doing it again and never in that restaurant.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/08/2014 11:58

Gruntfuttock - I think it is easy to know the 'right' thing to do in hindsight, whereas the OP suddenly found herself in the situation, with no time for consideration, and as such it is understandable that she didn't come up with the perfect solution on the hop. She has done the right thing, and that should be acknowledged, rather than her just being criticised for not doing more at the time. I am sure, if she is unlucky enough to have a second set of friends who try this, she will do differently.

OcadoSubstitutedMyHummus · 01/08/2014 12:04

I'm with you OP, I can't separate out how I see my friends act to others with how I view them generally.

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