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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend walked out of restaurant without paying

456 replies

GermanHouseCat · 31/07/2014 20:13

NC for this. Long time MNetter, been on the site for years. Promise!

I went out last night with a friend and his brother and girlfriend. The friend lives abroad and is back for a few days so it was a nice chance to see him.

They had already eaten when I arrived (an independent gastro bar with table service) and then together we had a round of drinks before planning to move on to another bar.

We asked for the bill, which included the total of the food/drinks they had before I arrived and then the one round of drinks we had together.

When it arrived, friend said "let's just walk out, shall we?" Before I could even fathom what he meant, his DB and GF had agreed and they stood up and walked out.

I was completely Shock Shock and had to make a split second decision about what to do. The bill was large and I couldn't afford to pay it all - nor felt morally at the time that I should - I put the money on the table for my drink and left feeling mortified.

I am usually very assertive but I was just so shocked I didn't know how to handle it. I'm ashamed to admit it but I didn't call them up on it (they were all so cool about doing it) so en route to the next bar I feigned illness and came home.

It can't be a money thing, DF and his GF both have very good jobs, the brother is working.

AIBU to be absolutely mortified at being part of this? I feel that they have implicated me in this and any repercussions. Should I have paid the lot? Should I call the bar and give them DF's details?

OP posts:
5Foot5 · 01/08/2014 13:32

Well done OP and a good move to give his Mum's address. With any luck she will not see it as "just a laugh" and will insist he pays up.

I have never been in this situation fortunately but DH once was. As a student he was visiting a friend in another University town and a group of them went out for a meal. At the end of the meal the friend collected the money from everyone and DH handed over his share. After they left the restaurant and were a little way down the street one of the group noticed that a waiter from the restaurant was shouting and running after them, at which point the "friend" informed them that they were doing a runner as he hadn't handed over the money Shock

Anyway it backfired on him because several waiters had come out and caught up with them and insisted they handed over not only the money for the meal but extra to compensate them for the trouble! DH and the others in the group were so indignant that they made the friend pay the extra and gave him a bollocking for putting them in that position in the first place.

Original poster
GermanHouseCat · 01/08/2014 13:36

Madame

I am very upset to hear the stories of business owners and staff, who are obviously the losers here. It is appalling that staff have their wages deducted and that businesses suffer from these people.

However, I honesty don't think the result to the business/staff would be any different had I taken a different action. The guilty parties had left, the bar was busy. One of the reasons they got away so quickly was because the staff were not very visible. You have read on here stories of innocent customers held to account for the runaways and quite frankly that would have made an already shit night so much worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
GermanHouseCat · 01/08/2014 13:39

And I completely agree with whoever said this needs to be a campaign similar to zero hours. If nothing else it might make some idiots think twice.

OP posts:
MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 13:42

well, you will never know, will you?

Like I say, I do get why you did what you did. Peer pressure, even the negative kind like this, is very powerful.

It might have made your shit night much worse, but it did ensure that there was very little chance of them getting the money back. That's all.

And to be fair, you made that decision without the benefit of knowing others on MN had had a bad time. You made a decision based on self-interest, in the heat of the moment. Very understandable. But not the right choice, in my book.

Sorry if that is unpalatable. I can't see how I can be any more sympathetic to you than I have been, but at the end of the day, a crime was committed, and you chose to walk away from it. By the time you had thought about it, it was way too late.

Life throws up these things. There really isn't any way to make it better, you will feel shit, the business has suffered...But in all honesty I can't hand on heart say I think you made the right choice, I can't. Sorry.

MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 13:45

And yes, I know its not fair that it all came down to you. Blame your friend's for that.

Original poster
GermanHouseCat · 01/08/2014 13:49

Actually, I don't think it is too late. I have given names, addresses and dates of birth to the business owner.

Based on recent dealings I have had with the non-emergency police service I imagine they will jump at the chance to 'solve' an open and shut case by pursuing the money.

OP posts:
HopefulHamster · 01/08/2014 13:51

I would've done the same as you OP - maybe less, not sure I would've willed myself to call the next day.

What awful 'friends'!

matildasquareded · 01/08/2014 13:51

Another armchair warrior!

You would have physically restrained! Four people! And wrestled their money from them! Whilst bellowing, "SHAME SHAME SHAME!" And also simultaneously paying for all their meals yourself!

The armchair warriors are just another form of troll. Sorry if that's unpalatable.

OP, you did well.

Gruntfuttock · 01/08/2014 13:52

Have the police been informed then?

Chippednailvarnish · 01/08/2014 13:53

What Matilda said.

MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 13:55

I do hope so. It's not a victimless crime. But now the victim has to jump through hoops to perhaps get the money back. Many would just say the aggravation is not worth the effort. In terms of money lost through people hours pursuing it, that is. They are presumably already down a good deal of money. Just to lose more. The police will not pursue them for the money either, they would pursue them for the crime.

That is how these bastards usually get away with it. And they clearly don't give a shit about you either.

MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 13:58

Matilda, I am not quite sure how you figure I am an armchair warrior...the implication of that being someone just having an opinion for the sake of it, without a real vested interest in the issue.

As the victim of this crime on occasions too many to count, I think my perspective is valid, and indeed needed here.

The OP did ok in the end. Not well at the start.

And don't call me a troll. I shan't engage with you further. I have been measured and understanding, you could do me the courtesy of being the same.

MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 14:00

I am however intrigued by people posting aggressive taunts to victims of crime. Not very nice. Yes, I mean you, Matilda and chipping, as you agree with her.

Why would you do that, really, why?

Aeroflotgirl · 01/08/2014 14:03

Madame blame the perpetrators not the op! She is not tge one that stole. It's all very easy for you to say sitting at home on the laptop, but you were not in op position. she did the decent and right thing, so please release your judgy pants!

MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 14:04

Don't bother answering, I know the answer. It's because you think you can be nasty and get away with it. Mean and vicious.

emotionsecho · 01/08/2014 14:04

Maybe the bar owner was frosty because in their view it took you a long time to actually provide this information, you feigned illness and went home you could quite reasonably have contacted the bar then and given them the information.

You have done the right thing by providing the information and telling your friends what you think of what they have done. You are right this behaviour does define who they are, what else would they do because it is "no biggie". It's not pleasant when we see people we thought we knew behave in a way we find reprehensible and I understand fully why you were shocked and wrong footed at the time.

I would still want to challenge their "it's no biggie" assumption, but I don't think they would listen to what you are saying so you would be wasting your time.

You've lost friends through no fault on your part which is pretty crap.

matildasquareded · 01/08/2014 14:04

This reply has been deleted

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MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 14:06

Aeroflot, by doing nothing at the time, the OP colluded in their crime. Not willingly, but after the fact.

Again, if you read my posts you will see I have been very sympathetic to the OP. But I still think its wrong. Having been there in that situation, not sat behind a computer.

matildasquareded · 01/08/2014 14:09

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MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 14:09

'I reserve the right to mock people who crash an interesting, sincere discussion with pompous descriptions of how they would have never even let themselves get into a situation in the first place.'

Please show me where I said I would never have let myself get into that situation?

Aeroflotgirl · 01/08/2014 14:09

She was shocked she dident know what to do, were only human and react in different ways. They were responsible not op, I personally would not know what to do, I don't have my friends addresses when I go out.

sillystring · 01/08/2014 14:09

You say you've never heard of Old Orleans. They stopped trading about 2 or 3 years ago, they were a bit like The Filling Station or TGI Fridays. Crap in otherwords, there were many of them all around the country. I never forgave them for the shitty way they treated me and my friends for attempting to "do the right thing". Agree with some other posters, you are judgey and giving the OP a hard time for reasons known only to you.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/08/2014 14:10

Op has made it known to them how she feels, she has provided the east abolishment with contact details, it's up to them to purse them for the money.

MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 14:11

So having a different opinion is judgey?

I have said again and again and again I understand why she did what she did. But at the end of the day I think it was the wrong decision. Nothing very controversial there.

Roussette · 01/08/2014 14:11

I shouldn't worry MadameDefarge, apparently I'm an armchair warrior also according to Matilda. Just because I gave my opinion in saying I would have confronted my friends there and then if that had been me. (whilst also saying to the OP that how she handled it was probably complete shock at the situation). Apparently we're not allowed different opinions on this thread - Matilda's law says so.