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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend walked out of restaurant without paying

456 replies

GermanHouseCat · 31/07/2014 20:13

NC for this. Long time MNetter, been on the site for years. Promise!

I went out last night with a friend and his brother and girlfriend. The friend lives abroad and is back for a few days so it was a nice chance to see him.

They had already eaten when I arrived (an independent gastro bar with table service) and then together we had a round of drinks before planning to move on to another bar.

We asked for the bill, which included the total of the food/drinks they had before I arrived and then the one round of drinks we had together.

When it arrived, friend said "let's just walk out, shall we?" Before I could even fathom what he meant, his DB and GF had agreed and they stood up and walked out.

I was completely Shock Shock and had to make a split second decision about what to do. The bill was large and I couldn't afford to pay it all - nor felt morally at the time that I should - I put the money on the table for my drink and left feeling mortified.

I am usually very assertive but I was just so shocked I didn't know how to handle it. I'm ashamed to admit it but I didn't call them up on it (they were all so cool about doing it) so en route to the next bar I feigned illness and came home.

It can't be a money thing, DF and his GF both have very good jobs, the brother is working.

AIBU to be absolutely mortified at being part of this? I feel that they have implicated me in this and any repercussions. Should I have paid the lot? Should I call the bar and give them DF's details?

OP posts:
matildasquareded · 01/08/2014 10:24

It's not legal but people do it all the time! And employees put up with it because they're desperate.

RevoltingPeasant · 01/08/2014 10:27

Rousette did you miss the bit where the OP didn't have the money?

So how would you have paid?

Roussette · 01/08/2014 10:28

Glad you've got it Matilda. I personally couldn't have slept that night without doing something as I am a worrier. We're all different. As I said, I can understand OP's shock and just going home, and now she is trying to sort it.

Stop making a thing about my opinion. No macho stand off as far as I'm concerned.

OP, I hope you hear from the restaurant owner and can rest easy when it is sorted. It must be a shock when friends do something you are just not expecting and it makes you view them in a totally different light.

Roussette · 01/08/2014 10:29

RevoltingPeasant, I missed that bit sorry.

roundtable · 01/08/2014 10:37

Oh op, this would have me racked with guilt.

I once walked out without paying at a pub at a seaside resort. The children were crying and we got distracted.

I realised as soon as I got home and was mortified. Rang them and paid over the phone. They were very good about it, I was expecting to get a rollicking. It seems that they were so good about it as people just won't pay.

I didn't realise it was so prolific.

Good luck op.

Migsy1 · 01/08/2014 10:42

What awful people to put you in that position. Yes - give the bar their details. You need to anyway to avoid getting into trouble yourself even though you did leave your share of the bill. These dreadful "friends" have put you at risk let alone stolen from the restaurant.

matildasquareded · 01/08/2014 10:48

Yes, you would have paid in full! Magicking the money out of somewhere! Whilst at the same time grabbing them and shouting at them until they paid too, or something! lol.

Kendodd · 01/08/2014 10:50

I walked out of a restaurant without paying once. It was in America and I used to go there loads for breakfast, it was just on my street corner, I knew all the staff. I just forgot though, and left without paying my bill. The owner caught up with me in the street, I stopped and asked 'what?' (even then I didn't realise). He said I forgot to pay, big gasp and red face from me. I when back to pay and was very apologetic. He was fine and just said 'make sure it doesn't keep you away from us'

D0oinMeCleanin · 01/08/2014 10:51

We have to pay if people don't pay for their order where I work.

I work in a takeaway so it's easier to police, but it can be harder when it's busy and people are turning up to collect their food before it's cooked. Half of them want to pay now, while they are waiting and half just go and sit down. When the phone is ringing it's arse off constantly, you have a line of 10 people waiting to order/collect at the till and are also trying to deal with people complaining that they've been waiting 15 minutes (even though you told them on the phone it would be 30 minutes) trying to remember whose paid already and who hasn't is impossible.

I won't let anyone pay until their food is ready and I'm about to hand it over. I get tutted at lots.

Some orders can be upwards of £80 on busy Christmas weeks. That's almost a weeks wages for me. I'm not going to risk losing that money for anyone.

I've worked in a few places where the waitress/counter staff have to pay if customers walk out or their till is down. I'm sure it's illegal, but with the job market the way it is most employees are willing to just put up and shut up.

OcadoSubstitutedMyHummus · 01/08/2014 10:52

What a horrid thing to happen OP. Did the manager call you back?

Hobbes8 · 01/08/2014 10:54

Do people really think the police wouldn't be interested? They arrested and charged the bloke who nicked our rear windscreen wiper, which costs about £8. This was in a fairly crappy part of London as well, so it wasn't as though they weren't busy.

fortyplus · 01/08/2014 10:57

There's such a huge difference between a genuine oversight and a calculated act, isn't there? I tried to drive away from my local petrol station without paying - the owner came out flapping his arms and shouting - I wondered what the hell he was up to. Thought maybe something was caught under my car. Of course he was very nice about it - I'm in there all the time and don't make a habit of it, I was just thinking about work stuff and running late. Probably good that he stopped me in my tracks before I made it onto the public highway! Grin

TessOfTheFurbyvilles · 01/08/2014 10:58

One of my friends always insists on having a separate check whenever she's out to dinner, i.e. her order will be on her own bill, so she only pays for what she haves.

The first time I went out to dinner with her, she said she didn't want me to be offended (I wasn't), and explained she had done the 'separate check' thing ever since two (ex-)friends had 'dined and dashed' on her in college. She tried to only pay for what she had, but as it was a joint check, the restaurant expected her to pay for it all.

When you get your own check, you're only legally responsible to pay for what you owe, hence why my friend now always does this.

Then a couple of months ago, a mutual acquaintance of ours, told us how her nephew had met up with an old friend from high school for dinner. The high school friend had brought two of his friends from college along. After the meal, the high school friend and the other two 'dined and dashed', but thankfully her nephew had ordered his food in a separate check (which he had already paid, prior to the others fleeing without paying). A couple of the wait staff tried to make him pay, but the nephew knew his rights, and even had his receipt to say he'd paid for HIS check. The police were called, but they immediately said he had done nothing wrong, as he had paid his check. (He of course provided details of his now former friend before leaving).

Anyway, once our acquaintance told this story, my friend turned to me and said, "now you know why I get separate checks." And ever since then, I get my own check. I don't care if it makes people think I'm tight or whatnot, because it isn't about that, but legally it makes sense.

Summerbreezer · 01/08/2014 11:04

OP, I would let the restaurant know. This is "Making Off Without Payment" and is a criminal offence.

You are complicit in it - at this stage. Any contact with the restaurant (or indeed the police if you wish to) will go very well in your favour.

If you are absolutely determined not to name your friends, ring the restaurant, explain the situation and offer to pay bill off in installments. Then follow it up with an email confirming this.

They may tell you not to worry about it - but I think you need to cover your own back here.

And ditch the friends. They're thieves.

VinoTime · 01/08/2014 11:05

We were over at the east cost for a 4 night break this week. When we went to settle the bill, they handed us a bar bill for £80 and that was it. We paid it and then asked for the room bill. They said it had already been paid. It hadn't. We told them to double check and after some tapping on the keyboard, the receptionist realised the £600 had indeed not been paid. She was ridiculously grateful to us for being "honest" about it, which left me utterly speechless. As if we would walk away without paying it?! It was £600! But she kept saying thank you and went on to say how a lot of people would've just walked away Shock

Summerbreezer · 01/08/2014 11:05

Sorry, I haven't read the full thread so my advice may be a bit outdated!

Original poster
GermanHouseCat · 01/08/2014 11:14

Hi everyone, OP here.

I phoned the bar back this morning and spoke to the manager. It was a very frosty call. Even though he acknowledged that I was not one of the guilty parties he was in no way thankful or understanding that I was trying to put things right by phoning back with the details. I feel pretty shit. Hmm

I sent "D"F a message to say that I am appalled at the behaviour that he and his bro/gf consider acceptable, especially involving me given my job and the fact that the bar is a semi local.

He just replied saying "Honestly it's no biggie, just a laugh and it's pretty common. Don't know why you're so bothered." Shock

I think I'll reply and tell him I have given their details to the bar.

OP posts:
Passmethecrisps · 01/08/2014 11:17

You have done everything you could - sorry the guy was frosty with you. He was probably just shooting the messenger.

matildasquareded · 01/08/2014 11:18

Hey, well done German. A hard thing to do. Now your conscience is clean.

Don't bother replying to your ex-friend's message. These are creeps who aren't worth a second more of your time.

ecuse · 01/08/2014 11:18

I think the manager might have been a bit politer to you, frankly. I am Shock at your friend's attitude!! You did the right thing, anyway.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 01/08/2014 11:21

You can't do any more now. Well done for making the call though, that takes some balls. The bar manager is probably pissed off that (especially given your friends are not from this country) even getting the police involved is likely to prove fruitless and he has to write that money off. Bit mean of him to shoot the messenger though eh!

Your ex-friend sounds like a total knob. Oh well you live and learn. I wouldn't bother contacting him again. His attitude about the whole thing comes across loud and clear, it'll be water off a duck's back to him.

RiverTam · 01/08/2014 11:22

what a cunt. I would text back and say 'well, as you think it's no biggie you won't mind that I've given your details to the owner. Oh, and that I've told all our friends, none of whom seem to agree that it's no biggie. See ya.'

Passmethecrisps · 01/08/2014 11:23

I agree that you shouldn't bother even replying. He sounds like a total knobber who wouldn't care in the slightest.

You have done your bit.

rumbelina · 01/08/2014 11:23

WTF is wrong with people? I'm Shock

OcadoSubstitutedMyHummus · 01/08/2014 11:24

What a cock womble your ex friend is. I'm sure he would be just so understanding if he gets burgled - after all it happens all the time.

Well done for trying to do the right thing OP

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