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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend walked out of restaurant without paying

456 replies

GermanHouseCat · 31/07/2014 20:13

NC for this. Long time MNetter, been on the site for years. Promise!

I went out last night with a friend and his brother and girlfriend. The friend lives abroad and is back for a few days so it was a nice chance to see him.

They had already eaten when I arrived (an independent gastro bar with table service) and then together we had a round of drinks before planning to move on to another bar.

We asked for the bill, which included the total of the food/drinks they had before I arrived and then the one round of drinks we had together.

When it arrived, friend said "let's just walk out, shall we?" Before I could even fathom what he meant, his DB and GF had agreed and they stood up and walked out.

I was completely Shock Shock and had to make a split second decision about what to do. The bill was large and I couldn't afford to pay it all - nor felt morally at the time that I should - I put the money on the table for my drink and left feeling mortified.

I am usually very assertive but I was just so shocked I didn't know how to handle it. I'm ashamed to admit it but I didn't call them up on it (they were all so cool about doing it) so en route to the next bar I feigned illness and came home.

It can't be a money thing, DF and his GF both have very good jobs, the brother is working.

AIBU to be absolutely mortified at being part of this? I feel that they have implicated me in this and any repercussions. Should I have paid the lot? Should I call the bar and give them DF's details?

OP posts:
EasterEggHuntIsOver · 01/08/2014 16:24

You absolutely did the right thing, OP.
I'd be tempted to call the mother of your 'friend' to let her know she may be contacted.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/08/2014 16:44

German - could,you name and shame him on FB? Might lots of disapproval from his friends and acquaintances make him see the error of his ways? Or could that cause all sorts of ructions?

Shockers · 01/08/2014 16:46

I once gave my share of a bill to a girl who was paying it and went to the loo. As I came back down the stairs, the rest of the group were leaving so I followed them out. Once in the club, the girl gave me my cash back and proudly told me that they'd left without paying. These were uni friends of my sister, who were all staying with me. The restaurant was an American diner type place that we regularly used and I knew the staff and owner fairly well through going there.
The next day, I asked the girls to pay so that I could go in and apologise for the 'oversight'... they said they'd spent up in the club.
My sister and I ended up paying the whole bill. People who pull this sort of stunt are selfish, thieving bastards.

EasterEggHuntIsOver · 01/08/2014 16:52

The OP has already told their mutual friends. Think posting on FB would be unnecessary.

Just read that the total bill came to over £100. Well, I think the restaurant will pursue, can't see the manager writing off £100. Shock

Think the OP's 'friend' must have done this so many times, for him to reply that it's no 'biggie'. What an utter twat.

hotfuzzra · 01/08/2014 17:21

Whoever said "Police don't tend to go out for reports of shop lifting now unless there is menace" was wrong - we go out to shoplifters every day! Menace or no!
Furthermore we often get calls to restaurants and taxis where the service user intends to do a runner and the provider manages to keep them there until we arrive. I have never contemplated arresting someone for false imprisonment (!) and usually side with the service provider and pressure the (normally drunken) user to pay their bills. My most annoying example of this was when a drunk soldier on R&R didn't want to pay his taxi fare, and when I said he would have to pay it or be arrested said 'I've been in Afghan, fighting ragheads like these, for you and our country.' I marched him to nearest cash point and made him take out the fare, little shit.
The only exceptions for my attitude to this would be where the user has clearly had an awful meal, food complained about, not eaten, drinks left etc or an overly aggressive provider who is being abusive to us as well as customer.
OP I think you did the absolute right thing, what a bunch of thieves.
Yesterday I saw a thread where OP had got home from shopping, realised they hadn't been charged for an item of clothing - so many MNers were saying they should keep the item!!! This is also clearly theft, I don't understand people's morals, obviously not very well brought up IMO.

elfycat · 01/08/2014 17:36

Hi CatTheif, I still have my braces too - though by that point I was probably doing your payroll (TGIF Finance Services) and then nipping to a TGIF to work a second job for the company in the evenings. Best fun job I've ever had.

Lezprechaun · 01/08/2014 18:22

What awful friends. Hopefully they get made to pay up but sadly I doubt it.

CatThiefKeith · 01/08/2014 18:25

I keep toying with the idea of putting them on EBay but always chicken out!Grin

EasterEggHuntIsOver · 01/08/2014 18:45

OMG - Check out littlebluesocks message at "Fri 01-Aug-14 11:35:04". Walk-out on the same night, also a bar/restaurant, same amount (£100). Could it be the same place?

Coconutty · 01/08/2014 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gruntfuttock · 01/08/2014 19:08

This thread

MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 19:15

To answer silly's question, I think it is despicable for owners to dock workers wages for any reason apart from theft on their part, and in that case I would be sacking them anyway.

CornChips · 01/08/2014 19:39

Good on you OP. Really hats off for your courage and resilience to follow this through with such grace.

This happened to me at my 30th. 'friends' did this and scarpered at my birthday dinner, and my BF at the time just paid it without alerting me. I found out later and ti sickened me.

Gruntfuttock · 01/08/2014 19:48

What did you say to your 'friends' about it CornChips?

CornChips · 01/08/2014 19:54

Nothing I am afraid. The birthday dinner was also a farewell as I left for a job abroad so when I found out I just cut them out. We were not really close friends, more one was a colleague i thought was a friend and a mate. I did not have the nerve really. Also, my BF told me when we were breaking up and having a full on row in a 'Look how much I do for you, I even paid for...' way. (It was confirmed later though by another friend who was there).

I know now why my various local places insist on someone putting their card behind the bar.

Hobbes8 · 01/08/2014 19:55

The 'no biggie' attitude really annoys me. Obviously one person shoplifting a small item, or dropping litter, or any other petty offence isn't that big a deal. But the point is that if we all did it - just took whatever we wanted when we wanted it - then society would break down and life would be like that stupid 'The Purge' film. And no one wants to live like that. It would be horrible.

So when your friend says it's 'no biggie', what he's really saying is that it is OK for him to do what he wants and not fucking bother making the world a nice normal place to live, but not for everyone else. What makes him so special and the rest of us just chumps who have to toe the line?

MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 20:01

I had similar thing happen to me. Another trader in the road (so she really should have know better) booked a table for 20. 30 turned up. I had already waived the large party obligatory service charge as a favour.

Suffice to say that over half her guests skedaddled without paying.

When I talked to her about it the next day, she simply shrugged her shoulders and said it wasn't her problem.

That lot cost me over £300. and I had to see the bitch all the time because she was local.

That was £300 out of my pocket. My living expenses, my ds' life. HMRC aren't overly interested in why your books don't add up, they just have to, so you have to find the money from somewhere.

MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 20:06

I wish I had been savvy enough to have bagged her card at the start. cornchips!

But you live and learn.

TheLastThneed · 01/08/2014 20:58

Maybe restaurants will start doing what some hotels do...take a credit card at the start and charge £1 to make sure it's genuine...

Dickiewiddler · 01/08/2014 21:18

A cautionary tale: a couple did a runner from my Dad's bar and on the way out, smashed a window. Bad move. The bloody oxygen thief had chatted with some other friends (who were paying their rounds quite normally) and then did a runner. So it wasn't hard to find out who he was, where he worked (Safeway) and where he lived. So the following day my Dad and his bouncer popped up to Safeway and stood either side of him and explained their repayment terms, which involved the police, telling his employer and mother, and giving him a good hiding unless he turned up every Friday when he got paid, with the cash, till it was settled. He never missed a payment. And when it was settled he was astonished when he tried to come in for a drink and was told his custom wasn't welcome. The thicket.

MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 21:21

Apart from the threats of violence, I wish I had had your dad on my side in these disputes.

What I did learn was that I was way too soft, and expected people to behave decently. I learnt to expect the worse and just get on with it.

It was a sad life lesson.

Dickiewiddler · 01/08/2014 21:23

The threats of violence were, knowing my Dad and Big Phil, unnecessary and unspoken. Grin

KERALA1 · 01/08/2014 21:24

Dh and I did this. First trip out with pfb to large loud chaotic gathering at a pub for a friend also either new baby birthday everyone had tiny kids. Dd yelled so dh and I ate quickly and left. Dh thought I had paid I thought he had - handbrake turn back to restaurant - mortifying!

MadameDefarge · 01/08/2014 21:27

I have also had regulars forget to pay...I knew them, and knew they hadn't meant to do a runner. Would just leave their ticket up on the board, all bar a tiny few (yes, the minx with the birthday party) would scamper in totally mortified and pay up.

Big Phil, you say?

ModernToss · 01/08/2014 21:33

Matilda wasn't trolling - she was pointing out that the OP had been told multiple times - to the point of sanctimony - that she'd done the wrong thing. Personally I think it was brave and right to go back, and I'm sorry the owner wasn't more appreciative of the courage that took.