Friend walked out of restaurant without paying

[GermanHouseCat]

NC for this. Long time MNetter, been on the site for years. Promise!

I went out last night with a friend and his brother and girlfriend. The friend lives abroad and is back for a few days so it was a nice chance to see him.

They had already eaten when I arrived (an independent gastro bar with table service) and then together we had a round of drinks before planning to move on to another bar.

We asked for the bill, which included the total of the food/drinks they had before I arrived and then the one round of drinks we had together.

When it arrived, friend said "let's just walk out, shall we?" Before I could even fathom what he meant, his DB and GF had agreed and they stood up and walked out.

I was completely and had to make a split second decision about what to do. The bill was large and I couldn't afford to pay it all - nor felt morally at the time that I should - I put the money on the table for my drink and left feeling mortified.

I am usually very assertive but I was just so shocked I didn't know how to handle it. I'm ashamed to admit it but I didn't call them up on it (they were all so cool about doing it) so en route to the next bar I feigned illness and came home.

It can't be a money thing, DF and his GF both have very good jobs, the brother is working.

AIBU to be absolutely mortified at being part of this? I feel that they have implicated me in this and any repercussions. Should I have paid the lot? Should I call the bar and give them DF's details?

I don't operate in a world where people steal or do runners so I expect I'd be flabbergasted in the position of the OP when it happened. Particularly given the attitude they brought. If they'd been all "OMG we're so naughty tee hee" then it would have been more straightforward to call them out. But when people behave in such a shocking way but all three of them are so sure of themselves, you can find yourself confused and almost thinking that somehow you must be the one viewing this the wrong way. So I'm not surprised that the OP quickly extracted herself and then regrouped her thoughts with MN's help.

For goodness' sake, Matilda. You are like a dog with a bone. Please, please drop it now.

Matilda - why is it so difficult to accept differing viewpoints? No one had been rude or disrespectful, just had a different view. I would probably have been o shocked by the behaviour that iwould have said something at the time and ended creating a scene, but you can call me an armchair warrior too. But just because i would have been likely to do one thing doesn't mean that i can't see that the OP had a different reaction.

It is very hard to know how one would react in such situations. It's rather like the bystander effect. We all think that we would step in if we saw a crime or someone being attacked but very few people do.
We all think we know what we would do in a 'disaster' situation but most people go to shit.

It is very easy to go with the crowd. It is what human beings are 'programmes' to do. Swimming against the tide is hard and it is very easy to sit on the sidelines and judge.

I don't disagree Madame, what the op did was wrong, but it was the best choice she could make with a few seconds to make judgement.

Ocado sums it up beautifully.

Not sure I would have had OP's courage. I think I would have paid the whole bill and pursued the "friends" for their share myself.

Obviously whether they paid me back or not they would be personae non grata. There is no point mixing with scum, it just brings you down.

A lonnng time ago I was in a pizza restaurant with a guy and the bill came to about 11. Unknown to me he paid with a fake 20 note. So not only did he get a free, meal he managed to make 9 on the deal. I was horrified, I never went out with him again (it wasn't a romantic thing, he was just a mate). It's disappointing when people do stuff like this when you thought they were living with the same value system as you.

I would just like to point out the Old Orleans was nothing like TGI Fridays.

Having worked for both in the 90's, I can say categorically that Old Orleans was very much the poor relation.

Fridays training at that time was some of the best in the industry, and staff were paid on a very generous commission basis back then. My wages in 1996 as a waitress were circa 22k.

Old Orleans by comparison always paid nmw, treated their staff poorly, had a shit cocktail list and a menu with no identity. They deserved to go bust.

Incidentally though, both deducted the cost of a walk out from your pay, but at least Fridays would apply the 50% staff discount first!

Oh please drop it matilda

And Ocado you sum it up perfectly.

I think that is disgusting behaviour, IMO.

Interesting about Old Orleans. I didn't mean that it was exactly the same as TGI Fridays, just meant it was a US themed chain restaurant. Thanks for the information though. That was a really good wage back in 1996!! :)

What's "disgusting behaviour", what are you referring to Madame?

I think that you should explain that you are a victim too because it has caused you a lot of worry and upset

My first reaction to your update, German, was 'What a miserable sod. Still, OP's done the right thing and the manager's attitude doesn't matter that much.' But, you know what, he has been unduly shitty towards you and this is a bar you want to use again. So, yes, I would get back to him. You can ask how he got on with the police, and convey your disappointment at his manner with you.

If he's still a miserable sod after that - well, he's lost a customer. But I think I'd feel better for giving it a go.

In fairness Sillystring that did include tips!

I loved that job. I was there a long time. Dh jokes that if you cut me I would still bleed red and white stripes. I still have my braces.

Garlic brings up an interesting point.

Meh, I'm not with you there. She delivered bad news along with some helpful information, he took it hard. I mean, it went as well as it could.

She's supposed to complain that he didn't give her an optimal customer care experience--whilst he was learning about being a victim of theft? That's a bit much.

I am just aghast that a runner's bill can be taken full price put of someone's wages. I mean really really shockef that it is common practice.

I can almost understand it coming out of your wages if the till balances wrong and you are on the checkout but as a waitress you have so many tables, dashing in and out if the kitchen... How on earth can ANYONE think that is fair?

I'd love to hear a convincing argument

MadameDefarge, in your first reply you you did sound quite harsh. But I agree with you, thank you for your insight. Sorry you got were blasted by a troll offered differing opinions from Matilda.

argh, must preview before posting.

I mean I didn't expect a gold star for bravery or anything but I did think the manager might recognise that I was trying to help.

I've sent "friend" a message to say that it is a big deal, and that the money quite possibly would be deducted from the waitress' wages (it was over £100 ). I told him to call them and pay. Think he's on the plane, will update if I get a reply.

Good for you!

Don't feel bad about the manager OP - some people find it really difficult to separate their bad feelings about it situation from the person they're dealing with.

Hopefully your friend will pay up eventually but I agree that this is a definite reason to cut them out - how anyone can be so lacking in empathy to not think of the impact on the restaurant, servers etc is beyond me.

Good on your, German. Hopefully he will feel ashamed and cough up. I wonder if him living abroad means that he thinks he is just immune.