This isn't right is it?

[Cerealchanger]

So I've been with DP for 13 years and we have two children, DS(5) and DD(3)

DP is self employed and his hobby is also his job. I can't be too specific but it's something like being a golf instructor and still playing golf as a hobby. It involves working most weekends which is not ideal but I accept as it's his job. For the record though, the business is doing very well and we're not exactly on the breadline (which is relevant I think.)

So over the course of a year he spends four weekends with me and the kids. We go away for October and February half terms, so that is a total of 18 days spent as a family per year. He takes a day off during the week which he spends with DD while I'm at work.

I really struggle with this as I'm on my own with the kids for 48 weekends of the year. I work part time during the week but I just really don't see how you can sustain a relationship like this.

The main problem is that he will not take time off work just to spend it with us. But he takes off 9 weekends a year to do his hobby, including 2 and a half weeks out of the country every august. On his weekends away he goes straight from work so I don't see him from Friday morning to late on Sunday night. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to give up his hobby (which he does every day at work as well) to spend some time with us and to help me. He has kicked up the most almighty fuss about this and is refusing to give them up completely.

I think that if he can afford to take 9 weekends off to do his hobby then he can spend it with us. His friends all think I'm dreadful for asking this. For the record, if he had a Monday to Friday job, I'd have much less of a problem with this hobby.

So am I being unreasonable in asking him to give up his hobby and spend some time with his family? I'm so fed up with being on my own that I might as well be on my own for good and at least have the opportunity to meet someone who actually wants to spend some time with me.

I think you've done the right thing. He's not a family man, he's all about himself, and you lot are just the supporting cast on his show.
There's no future with someone who thinks like that.

Wow cereal - just read your update.

I know this obviously isn't easy you poor thing. It's much harder then people just saying it on here.

He does sound like a bastard that doesn't deserve you.

I hope you stay strong and although it's hard now I'm sure you know it's the right decision.

As for his 50/50...just ha!
He wasn't arsed about not seeing them before. What an arsehole.

Gosh. Well done for making your mind up!

Definitely take him up on the 50/50

That's what I thought Pictish, an ironic request since she's leaving him because he won't do even 2/98!

The 50/50 demand is hilarious!

OP just tell him "ok doke...50/50 it is" then laugh and laugh.

Yeah, call his bluff on the 50 50 thing. Like he'd be able to manage that when he's only around 4 weekends a year! Good luck OP. Sounds like you're making the right call.

What he probably fantasises you see, is that the '50/50' will run to his schedule...which will run in accordance with his 'golfing' timetable. So just the same as before...he'll call the shots, while you pick up the slack.

"Oh no...can't do this weekend, I'll have them on Tuesday" is how he thinks it will go.

Make sure he knows his 50/50 is not transient, and that you absolutely will not be continuing to run your life on the basis of his golf, as your life is now your own and it does not suit you. Access will be set, and non negotiable.

If he'd rather pay childminders, let him. That's his problem now.

Just laugh.

fucking hell what a selfish prick. but you've made the right decision i think. try not to listen to his posturing.