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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not wash my newborn

140 replies

Anotherchair · 30/07/2014 07:36

I have a 3 week old and I have never given him a bath. I don't want to as my first ds hated baths and used to scream. I don't want to wash him for as long as possible so I have told some little lies to my dh and dm about this.

I do top and tail him but don't want to do a proper bath.

OP posts:

kally195 · 30/07/2014 09:17

OP - if you are that anxious, it might be an idea to have your DH or DM do the actual bathing, while you are there to watch. As others have said, this DS may be a complete water baby, but if you are very anxious he might pick up on that and fuss.

Also, it might take a few goes for him to start liking it. My DD (9 weeks now) wasn't sure the first couple of times, but now loves her bath (to the point where she did a massive poop on it last night for the first time, and just thought it was great fun. It meant she got double bathtime!)

You are topping and tailing, so as long as you are being thorough then you are keeping him clean. I was told not to bath DD until the cord was off (12 days old) and then only to use water for the next couple of weeks (no soap etc). Apparently keeping all the birth stuff on them is good for them.

The lying to your family and the anxiety isn't ideal. Why don't you tell you DH how you are feeling? It may make you feel better, and I'm sure he would want to help you.

lizhow14 · 30/07/2014 09:18

Babies don't get dirty as such so will be fine with a good top and tail.
My dd hated baths in the baby bath so after the first screaming fit I decided to bath her with me. I would have the bath really deep and my dh would pass her to me and I would hold her and submerge her up to her head-she loved it-think it must have taken her back to the womb.
I'm a neonatal nurse and another technique we use for prems is to wrap them in a towel before the bath so they are settled and then slowly put them into the warm bath and then slowly let the towel drop when they are in-never had tears x

kally195 · 30/07/2014 09:19

Oh and if I try to give her a bath when she is hungry or too tired, then she'll happily scream the place down. It's all about the timing!

Bragadocia · 30/07/2014 09:20

God, especially don't worry about hair. I don't think we washed DS's for months. It was always gorgeous; I'm sure the 'birth juices' have all worn off by now! A three week old does not need their hair washed.

Poolbirthx2 · 30/07/2014 09:22

Yanbu

My dd hated the bath, I mentioned it to my hv and she said it is fine to just top and tail!

Kitsmummy · 30/07/2014 09:30

this is really not a big issue but you are making it into a huge psychological one! Just dunk him in a nice bath of plain warm water and rinse his hair. just do it for a couple of minutes. To be honest, he must have grot festering in places even with top and tailing.

Bumpsadaisie · 30/07/2014 09:47

I don't think my second had a bath for a good two or three weeks. Even his newborn "gunk" just seemed to dry and brush off quickly and he smelt lovely. He did have a bit of a wipe.

With both of my they just came in with me on my knee/tummy as tines. They loved that. Why not do the same?

Notso · 30/07/2014 10:19

You can wash his hair without putting him in the bath. I used to do that after the bath when they were swaddled in a towel so they didn't get cold.
Like I said I all my babies hair used to get really greasy, probably from me shoving my big face in it to smell it. I washed their hair most days if they were bathed or not just swaddled them in a towel and washed it with just water.

Nanny0gg · 30/07/2014 10:20

I don't want to ruin my ds2 by making him scream iykwim

Screaming won't 'ruin' him.

Either maybe get in and have a bath with him (you'll need someone else around to help) but many babies like that with the skin-to-skin contact or use a baby bath or washing up bowl so he's not in a huge space of water.

Koothrapanties · 30/07/2014 10:26

I was so worried about bathing dd, but she turned out to be a water baby! She suddenly went so calm and quiet, and would only cry when we got her out. A feed and a cuddle soon sorted that out. Not all babies hate baths!

eversley2 · 30/07/2014 10:35

Get one of those reclining bath seats from mothercare and use it in the baby bath or big bath. Both my boys loved it and made things a lot eAsier and more relaxing for everyone. It was seriously the best bit of plastic we ever bought.

When we brought DS1 home from hospital we bathed him in a washing up bowl..... He just screamed his head off. Ended up buying a support and baby bath and it was all much better

Writerwannabe83 · 30/07/2014 10:38

Me and DH didn't bath baby until he was about 5 weeks - we just topped and tailed him twice a day.

He loves his bath now

NewtRipley · 30/07/2014 10:40

eversley

I had one of those.

I think the reason some babies cry, at least for some of the time, is that they are unused to the sensation of the water, or of having their limbs all floating free. DS1 used to cry when I first put him in, and then again when I unwrapped him from the towel and started to put his baby grow back on. He used to stop when button number 5 was done up - every time!

Babies cry because they can say "Oy mum, this is a bit weird". It is nothing to worry about.

NewtRipley · 30/07/2014 10:40

can't say

NewtRipley · 30/07/2014 10:43

Just to say (again), that i don't think it is necessary at this stage

ICanSeeTheSun · 30/07/2014 10:50

I don't think it's nessersary, ds hated a bath until I realised it was to cold and put lots more hot water in. Dd I did the same temp as DS and she was a water baby, she loves the water.

LoopyLa · 30/07/2014 10:52

ohdear rein in your exclamation marks, they're not necessary and seem like you're shouting.

OP I think you're doing fine with topping & tailing. Your baby is getting clean & if you're anxious then that's perfectly understandable from your previous experience. Good luck for the first proper bath though & agree with a previous poster about getting a thermometer. I was also doing baths far colder than was obviously comfortable for my DS when he was first born.

Koothrapanties · 30/07/2014 10:53

This is the baby bath I used:

www.argos.co.uk/m/static/Product/partNumber/3762747.htm?CMPID=GS001&_$ja=cgid:12415321350|tsid:41361|cid:166594710|lid:47689428270|nw:g|crid:33458740710|rnd:16026592357904511965|dvc:m|adp:1o3

It is fab because it has inflatable bits to keep baby from slipping into the water. It made it so much easier to do it on my own.

LoopyLa · 30/07/2014 10:54

I had the exact same bath Kooth, it worked like a dream in those early weeks/months

NewtRipley · 30/07/2014 10:56

Ooh that bath looks good. I like the equipment that's on offer now - things have changed a lot.

NewtRipley · 30/07/2014 10:57

Mine was a reclining seat thing with suckers on the bottom that went in the big bath

Pinkrose1 · 30/07/2014 10:58

It's your baby so your choice. Topping and tailing and making sure all his creases are clean is fine. He's not out digging ditches after all!

It's worth trying him out in a bath at some point as it's a good routine to get into for sleeping in the future. He may actually like it. A bath with you (not too hot) is a nice way of bathing for a baby.

I wouldn't be happy about lying to DH. Either don't mention it or tell the truth. As for MIL. I have never been asked by anyone about my baby bathing methods

DiaDuit · 30/07/2014 11:01

Op no issue at all with not having a bath if topping and tailing but i think long term you are putting off the inevitable and you should try and get him used to being in the bath. He cant never be bathed a he grows up. What about taking him in the bath with you so he would be cuddled into you and feel safe whilst being surrounded by the lovely warm water?

fluffyraggies · 30/07/2014 11:15

I think allot of what makes babies scream for their first few baths is that they may be picking up on the stress or anxiety of mum, or separation from mum if it's a HV doing the bathing.

All 4 of my DCs have loved their baths from the very first time. I favor the baby bath IN the big bath technique so you can kneel on the floor, towels beside you ready for the lift out, and lean against the side of the big bath while you are supporting baby in the water so it saves your back.

I have the water really nice and warm, keep eye contact with baby, smile and try to stay relaxed. Show them it's a good thing. Even if in your head the whole time you're thinking ''ooooh bloody hell i hope i don't drop/drown/distress this baby!'' :)

CoteDAzur · 30/07/2014 11:19

YABU to never wash a baby because an older sibling didn't like to have baths.

Does that seriously sound reasonable to you, OP?

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