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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not wash my newborn

140 replies

Anotherchair · 30/07/2014 07:36

I have a 3 week old and I have never given him a bath. I don't want to as my first ds hated baths and used to scream. I don't want to wash him for as long as possible so I have told some little lies to my dh and dm about this.

I do top and tail him but don't want to do a proper bath.

OP posts:
burgatroyd · 30/07/2014 08:25

Yabu.

I did as you did. Oddly enough folks kept on (and still do) mentioning that dd2 has a nice smell. Don't think they're lying as they burrow faces into dd2s neck and inhale.

corkgirlindublin · 30/07/2014 08:26

Lol at bathing hysteria. I have 2 girls and hardly ever bathed them for the first few months. They both like baths but were both breastfeed and and never puked up or anything and both where born in the middle of winter.

Whats this rush to put chemicals on your kids? Both my kids have beautiful skin and I wonder did it help not putting soaps on them unnecessarily.

For what its worth my DD1, now 4, is bathed and showered 4-5 times a week because she now gets dirty playing!

ohdearitshappeningtome · 30/07/2014 08:27

As a hcp, I know babies scream when in a bath it's my job to teach mummies how to bath. We recommend every other day from when you feel like doing it!

But refusing to bath your son on the basis your first son doesn't like it sounds odd!

Please use the support around u to help u deal with this!

maddening · 30/07/2014 08:32

My ds loved baths - they really calmed him down - each child is different so why not try the bath and see which type of baby you have rather than assume that your baby is exactly the same as your ds?

littlemslazybones · 30/07/2014 08:36

ohdear who is 'we'? Is there a hcp collective, like the Borg?

skylerwhite1 · 30/07/2014 08:38

If you can bath newborn so they are completely submerged (except head obv.) in quite warm water, bet he will love it. Have room warm and have towel soft and warm to snuggle him in afterwards. Ohhhh would love to be having your dilemma! love to go back in time ;(

ohdearitshappeningtome · 30/07/2014 08:40

Do you know what! It's my job and what we have been taught according to hospital guidelines. Just because it's what I am trained to say doesn't mean many listen!

Perhaps Aibu wasn't the best place for this to be placed because many people just become so dam rude and self righteous! There is no right or wrong amount to bath a baby! Mines once a week! My choice! But op is choosing not to bath hers on experience of her other child which may not be the case!

Babies scream! They cry! They laugh! The smile!

SqueakySqueak · 30/07/2014 08:41

Well, you're not suppose to put him in water until the chord falls off. But, 3 weeks is a long time with no bath.

I'm more concerned about the lying. Why the need to hide it? Honestly, this sort of anxiety sounds like it could be the start PND, so keep an eye on it. You have a responsibility to yourself to be your best self for your children.

DD screamed her head off her first few baths and then got used to them. Now I give them to her to sooth her if she's fussy (and she's 4 months). There's lots of things your kids aren't going to like (and neither will you for that matter!) that they will have to do anyway, like brushing teeth, taking baths, going to the doctors, etc... You have to do them anyway for their own good .

ohdearitshappeningtome · 30/07/2014 08:42

I bet the op does to come back and quite frankly - I do not blame her!!

FlossyMoo · 30/07/2014 08:46

Why say that ohdear Confused

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 30/07/2014 08:48

All three of mine have loved the bath since newborns. Give it a try! It's not going to suddenly turn him from being a placid baby into a difficult one!

ohdearitshappeningtome · 30/07/2014 08:48

Because all this conflicting information won't help relieve her anxiety around this will it

Idontseeanyicegiants · 30/07/2014 08:49

The sink is a good idea, I bathed all of mine in the kitchen sink until they
were bigger, it feels safer in some ways when they're so small. Top & tailing is fine but it's worrying that this is becoming a big deal for you to the point that you have to hide a simple fact from other people and could add to the risk of PND.
Please talk to your OH or health visitor about it, you've done nothing wrong at all Thanks

ikeaismylocal · 30/07/2014 08:50

ohdear you are talking rubbish. How can you say all newborns scream in the bath, maybe all the newborns you have bathed have screamed in which case I think you are likely doing something wrong.

My ds has never ever cried in the bath, neither has my baby sister, I'm sure some newborns do cry but to say all cry is absurd.

ohdearitshappeningtome · 30/07/2014 08:52

Ok, I have been inmy job 4 years bathing babies the way I have been and yes of course must be wrong! None of the matrons have pulled me up, or ward manager, or my nvq assessor!

Yes must be wrong

FlossyMoo · 30/07/2014 08:53

But these are the experiences of lots of people. Nobody has been horrible.
Some have said they barely bath there babies. Some have given helpful suggestions and some have shown concern at the anxiety.
Given that it appears she is not the only one not to bath her baby I think this would be reassuring to her.

I think your problem is a comment that was made towards you and nothing to do the thread or the OP.

littlemslazybones · 30/07/2014 08:54

If you are instructed to tell mothers that it's best to bathe their baby every other day, then fair enough, I apologise.

I'm sick to death of this omnipresent, undefined we that get's bandied about when you have a baby. We recommends that you do/don't co-sleep, do/don't wean at 4/ 6 months, that you do/ don't swaddle, that you can/ can't drink whilst breastfeeding, that you should/ shouldn't have a routine, depending on what mood we is in.

I wish we would show his/her bloody face or really, I'd prefer people to be specific about who we includes and if we believed something different last week.

Delphiniumsblue · 30/07/2014 08:54

There is no such thing as 'all babies'. The midwife said 'all babies like being swaddled' - my baby was 24 hours old and hated it. This does not mean his brother hated it. DS2 would have had a hard time if I based his first months on his brother's first months.

ohdearitshappeningtome · 30/07/2014 08:55

As I said there is. No right or wrong way to do it ! It's choice but to put that anxiety towards another baby who may not show the same screaming tendencies isn't right or is the fact it's lied about

NacMacFeeglie · 30/07/2014 08:55

I have four dc. None of them screamed in the bath. In fact putting them in the bath used to calm them down if they were over tired.

I used to top and tail every morning then bath every night but the bath was just for the routine not because any of them really needed it.

ikeaismylocal · 30/07/2014 09:04

Ok, I have been inmy job 4 years bathing babies the way I have been and yes of course must be wrong! None of the matrons have pulled me up, or ward manager, or my nvq assessor!

If every baby you have bathed has screamed then yes, your doing something wrong. Possibly that is separating the baby from it's mother, ds didn't have a bath alone until he was well over 6 months. A baby isn'ta dirty item that needs to be cleaned, it's a tiny person who should be listened to, they don't scream for the fun of it.

There is an awful lot of advice that I choose to ignore as I don't think it's right for my family, it doesn't surprise me that someone who thinks all babies scream when bathed is responsible for educating new parents but it makes me very sad to think that someone with that attitude has your job.

Original poster
Anotherchair · 30/07/2014 09:07

Ok I confess I have never washed his hair. I have washed his face, around his ears, neck, upper chest.

His bottom half I have washed all thoroughly with washcloth and dried, I have had to since it has really needed it obviously what with dirty nappy explosions.

The reason I have lied is that people cuddle him and comment on his nice smell and I don't want them to know that his head is still covered in the original birth substances Blush

I will try to get the courage to bath him sometime this week as he might like it, but I am still reluctant as I don't want to hear him scream.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anotherchair · 30/07/2014 09:09

Ds1 was a big screamer about most things and I don't want to ruin my ds2 by making him scream iykwim.

OP posts:
ohdearitshappeningtome · 30/07/2014 09:09

Ok ikea, when a parent asks for their baby to be bathed I'll remember your comments!

ohdearitshappeningtome · 30/07/2014 09:10

Good luck op! Be kind to yourself