What would you expect your DH to do?

[notkatemiddleton]

Last night, I went out for a meal with some friends for a friends birthday

I drove back to our house as i am 30 weeks pregnant and wasn't drinking but everyone else was (the car was full). I drove because the taxi from our house to the restaurant and back again was £50 each way. So I thought seeing as I wasn't drinking, i would save everyone (including myself) some extra cash.

During the drive back from the restaurant , in the dark, in country lanes, with me driving, when I braked to go around a corner, a friend of my DH thumped the back of my seat, violently to mimic a head hitting the back of it. He was told off by my DH as in "Come on man...." but then did it again at some traffic lights later on in the journey. I got disorientated and almost went through a red light.

We got to our destination and I screamed at him to get out of the car. He said "Hit me then". I shouted "Get out of the fing car otherwise i fing will....get out of my sight".

I went straight to bed, sobbing my eyes out, woke up the next morning and the friend was gone. DH says that he spoke to him and that he was sorry and that he shouldn't have done it. But no apology to me??

Part of me expected my DH to be a bit more brutal with him, after all i was driving.

I think it is relevant how they reacted. You say he punched your head rest 6 times but they weren't bothered/alarmed by that.

I also posted earlier that if you felt it was unsafe to drive then as a responsible driver you have to stop your journey, deal with the problem then continue. As pointed out, you do have peoples lives in your hand, including other road users.

If you get disorientated by relatively small distractions on a route I assume you know, how are you going to do with small people in the car?

Password, please tell me you're not seriously describing what happened twice here as a relatively small distraction? OP's car seat was hit violently and suddenly from behind so that it appeared that it was someone's head hitting it - and you think that that equates to the sort of distraction that a securely strapped in small child would cause?

Sheesh, some people seem to get so desperate to slag the OP off that they totally lose grip on reality.

"He said "Hit me then". I shouted "Get out of the fing car otherwise i fing will....get out of my sight". "

Two "fuckings" and that's swearing like a banshee? Christ, the Active Convo list usually has more F words in thread titles than that.

She didn't swear at the little baby Jesus in front of Mother Theresa.

"As pointed out, you do have peoples lives in your hand, including other road users."

Very pompous.

FFS! OP wanted to save her friends some money and inconvenience so offered to drive SIX people all over the place to their destinations. One of the behaved like a complete drunken OAF! and was hammering at the back of her seat as she drove along dark country lanes. If you can't see why she might react the way she did, you've got a real problem with empathy or else you are just the usual nasty AIBU arse.

I think swearing like a banshee did you no favours.

Of, for goodness sake, amothersplace, get real. If you had just been trying to drive 6 people through dark country lanes late at night to do them a favour, and one of them twice puts you in the position where you could have had an accident and killed your unborn baby, and then tried to pick a fight with you - are you seriously telling us that you would have asked him in genteel and ladylike tones to desist?

Only I don't think anyone believes you.

How is it pompous? Several posters have mentioned it. Being a driver is a responsibility and if it can't be done safely then the driver has to address that.

Not pompous at all. And I say that as a driver who was once kicked in the head by the back seat passenger. Obvious I swerved! But the car got pulled over and passenger dealt with.

frightening a driver is just a prank

Trying to frighten some one while they are driving in a dimly lit area....oh yeah I see the funny side HAR DE HAR HAR . knob

Oh no a laaaady never swears

But it WAS being done safely till some stupid drunk started banging on her seat.

And she continued driving after he did it once. That should have been enough if it was as bad as she said.

"As pointed out, you do have peoples lives in your hand, including other road users.".

OP made reasonable assumption that after being told once twatface wouldn't do it again. He did.

The risk to other road users came because the second time was near a traffic light. How was OP supposed to stop this risk? It doesn't sound like there was a further risky incident as they were nearly home.

Gurning Gordon! Haha.

I couldn't care less about swearing. It may not be 'ladylike' (sorry I didn't realise it's still the 1950s) but deliberately trying to upset or shock a driver or asking a woman to start a fight a isn't exactly gentlemanly is it?

Remembering things is called reflection and sometimes it happens when you recall an event or incident. I won't be hiding this thread.

"How is it pompous? Several posters have mentioned it. Being a driver is a responsibility and if it can't be done safely then the driver has to address that."

Pompous because you've turned round what others have said about responsibility onto the OP, but in a way that sounds like she should take responsibility for HIS actions. Using a rule to belittle her. It sounds very pompous and very priggish.

Several posters mentioned it in the context of OP rightly being upset at being rattled whilst driving, not as a stick to beat her with!

That's maybe your interpretation. No she is not responsible for his actions but she is responsible for her own.

Dealing with road users, drivers, accidents has been part of my working life for many years which is why my replies are not full of emotion. But she has posted saying she could have killed them all, if she is in a position that that is possible she has to address it and remove the problem. Even after the second time she continued driving.

And his statement of "hit me then" almost sounds like a reply to something that was said to him.

yanbu at all.

you offered to give everyone lifts to save them money. one twat frightened you, then decided to do it again despite being asked not to, then tried to start a fight.

a bit of swearing isn't quite in the same league is it? i'd start swearing for less than that!

this guy is a prize twat and i would be waiting for an apology. next time, yes, you do make him walk. but there shouldn't be a next time.

Anyway it's swearing like a trooper and screaming like a banshee. Let's not mix up our hideously clichéd similes.

Were the rest of the passengers really drunk too? If I had been one of them I think I would have been pretty pissed off with this idiot and would have given him a piece of my mind. In fact I can't imagine being so drunk that I would have found his behaviour remotely funny.

Is he an arse when he is sober too? I think the best thing is to refuse ever to drive when he is in the car again. Not in an emotional shouty way, just calmly and assertively stating that you will not be driving him anywhere ever again - drunk or sober.

Tbh the first time it was in a windy country lane so probably just as dangerous them as someone could have come the other way as I swerved.

I do remember both my DH and I told him the first time not to do it again. I genuinely thought he wouldn't do it again.

FGS can we stop going on about the OP being pregnant! People have babies all the time but in here it seems you have an excuse for everything if you're pregnant and obviously must be sooo hormonal

Some of us think she was out of order (don't give a lift to 6 drunk adults if it's going to make you worried) and some of us don't (the man was a twat) It's AIBU so it's what is to ge expected. Just don't pile in in the posters who don't side with the OP.

I couldn't leave a massive range rover/any other car in the middle of the road at a traffic light on a busy road could I? Sure that would have been a traffic offence? Especially when I lived in the next road it made sense to drive on briefly, get on my drive and then that's when I told him off.

Yes I'm responsible when I'm driving, hence why I was upset by it. If I HAD swerved or had an accident, then it would have been me that killed them/injured them not him.

Why not, Harold? Seeing as they have no hesitation in piling in on OP.

NotKate, obviously I have no idea what the roads are like that you are driving on but the best option would have been to have pulled over as soon as it was safe to do so. Even if that meant committing a minor road traffic offence, that is preferably than an accident!

Even if I wasn't 'worried' (which I wasn't, just trying to get everyone home safely) does that mean him pulling a dangerous prank was less unreasonable than me saying the f word a couple of times?

Mentioning my pregnancy was only relevant to explain why I was giving the buffoon a lift.

It's hot.
You're pregnant and it's late.
You are doing a car full of drunks a favour.
One made you jumpy.
You swore a sweary word.

YWNBU.