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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you expect your DH to do?

311 replies

notkatemiddleton · 28/07/2014 16:55

Last night, I went out for a meal with some friends for a friends birthday

I drove back to our house as i am 30 weeks pregnant and wasn't drinking but everyone else was (the car was full). I drove because the taxi from our house to the restaurant and back again was £50 each way. So I thought seeing as I wasn't drinking, i would save everyone (including myself) some extra cash.

During the drive back from the restaurant , in the dark, in country lanes, with me driving, when I braked to go around a corner, a friend of my DH thumped the back of my seat, violently to mimic a head hitting the back of it. He was told off by my DH as in "Come on man...." but then did it again at some traffic lights later on in the journey. I got disorientated and almost went through a red light.

We got to our destination and I screamed at him to get out of the car. He said "Hit me then". I shouted "Get out of the fing car otherwise i fing will....get out of my sight".

I went straight to bed, sobbing my eyes out, woke up the next morning and the friend was gone. DH says that he spoke to him and that he was sorry and that he shouldn't have done it. But no apology to me??

Part of me expected my DH to be a bit more brutal with him, after all i was driving.

OP posts:
helenthemadex · 28/07/2014 20:06

personally I would have stopped the car second time he did it and told him to get out of the car and walk, unless he apologised he would have been walking no question.

You lost the moral high ground screaming and swearing at him after the event

TheRealAmandaClarke · 28/07/2014 20:07

He was a knob.
I'm not sure about your dh. What could he have done?
I think my dh would have removed someone from the car if they had violently hit my headset like you describe. But maybe that would be ott?

Original poster
notkatemiddleton · 28/07/2014 20:07

I don't have children yet but I have looked after children for a weekend and driven them around whilst my DN tried to insert a toy up my DNP's nose. Que very loud shrieking

Is this headrest thumping something people do to freak drivers out?

I'm sorry but I'd feel better about myself swearing than I would thumping the headrest of a driver who'd given me a free ride home, regardless of whether it was dark, she didn't really know the road (the 1st time he did it) and that she was 30 weeks pregnant.

OP posts:
basgetti · 28/07/2014 20:07

YABU. Even if someone is acting like a twat it is entirely U to shout and swear at them. I think you are more in the wrong than he is.

Yes repeatedly punching the headrest of a heavily pregnant driver and then trying to engage her in a physical fight isn't nearly as bad as being sworn at.

FraidyCat · 28/07/2014 20:09

I haven't read the whole thread, but I've read enough people telling her she over-reacted to want to respond immediately to that that.

I am a very experienced, competent and confident driver, but if someone had done what her passenger did, more than once, nearly causing an accident, I would not only have screamed and sworn at him, I would have stopped the car, dragged him out, and not stopped kicking and punching him till people physically dragged me away. That's how I react when people try to kill me. (I am a man, if I were a women I might not feel the last part was an option for me.)

mommy2ash · 28/07/2014 20:10

if you were distinct car big enough for six people I would have pulled over the first time and put him in the back so it couldn't happen again.

I would have had a word with him myself in the morning as no point talking to a drunk person.

I'm not sure what you expect your husband to do about it.

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy · 28/07/2014 20:12

"You lost the moral high ground screaming and swearing at him after the event"

What does this even mean?

Btw, Helen, they weren't far from home when the second incident happened so it was hardly "after the event"

BookABooSue · 28/07/2014 20:13

YWNBU to shout at him. He was acting like an idiot and it was dangerous to hit the back of your seat.
I guess your DH could have also intervened at the point when the friend was challenging you to hit him. It sounds as though they all enable the friend to act like an arse when he's drunk.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 28/07/2014 20:13

fraidycat Grin
I promise to behave if you ever offer me a lift.

FraidyCat · 28/07/2014 20:17

OK, whether my reaction would be that extreme would depend on exactly how much of a fright I got. I am assuming what he did was enough to induce serious fear of an accident.

Original poster
notkatemiddleton · 28/07/2014 20:22

Yup I was pretty nervous driving 6 people. Their lives were in my hands.

I really don't think I have attacked anyone on this thread, but defended myself or sye the story straight where I considered it due.

OP posts:
Original poster
notkatemiddleton · 28/07/2014 20:24

I agree though, nothing else DH could have done.

OP posts:
WiggleGinger · 28/07/2014 20:24

I'm stunned at these responses!

The friend is a dick!

You swearing is NOT worse than his actions!

I would have made him get out after the first punch to the seat. Pregnant or not!

To those who think your behaviour was BU they need to get a grip!

I think you stood up for yourself & perhaps your DH did enough, all that said he wouldn't have been staying the night as a guest after that performance!

YANBU

Purpleroxy · 28/07/2014 20:26

I don't think your dh could have done any more. The friend is clearly a dickhead so I would just not go out with him again. If your dh wants to go out with him, that's up to him but just keep yourself out of it. And obviously no lifts again for this idiot who behaves like a 2yo in the car.
I think you were perfectly reasonable to shout and swear at him. Neither of those things is illegal or dangerous and his behaviour warranted it. I don't get why everyone is so open mouthed at a few swear words.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 28/07/2014 20:32

I think it was entirely appropriate of you to swear.
It's the kind of situation that loud profanity was made for tbh.

ExcuseTypos · 28/07/2014 20:36

God I can't believe some of the replies you've had OP.

Tbh I think you handled it pretty well - you were calm the first time he behaved like an idiot. And I must say when he hit the back of your seat the second time, my DH would definitely have said something to him.

It's got nothing to do with you being pregnant or a women- it's do to with supporting your partner when she's trying to drive with someone in the back being a dangerous twat!

ChasedByBees · 28/07/2014 20:36

I'd be tempted to arrange another night out, nice and far away and at the end of the night, leave him to get a taxi by himself while you dove everyone else home. He's a twat. You behaved entirely appropriately IMO.

ChasedByBees · 28/07/2014 20:36

Dove = drive

MorphineDreams · 28/07/2014 20:39

I think this is all a bit hysterical to be honest. I'm not sure what else your DP could have done.

MarmaladeShatkins · 28/07/2014 20:40

OP, you should be firmer with your husband and REALLY show him whose boss. Why not drop a car bonnet on his head or punch him in the stomach as hard as you can? Don't stand for this!

I am TOTALLY on your side, btw. You didn't over-react at all. This thread is proof that most posters in AIBU like to be contrary nowadays...

NickiFury · 28/07/2014 20:41

I would have stopped and thrown him out the car with my screams ringing in his ears as he went.

He's a knob. You are not overreacting.

NickiFury · 28/07/2014 20:42

I agree with marmalade but please ensure you are wearing some thing suitable to protect your hands when you do this. Gloves of some kind perhaps?

MarmaladeShatkins · 28/07/2014 20:42

*Who's.

Bleddy phone.

TheFairyCaravan · 28/07/2014 20:43

You are not over reacting OP!

My DH would have chucked him out by his collar and left him by the side of the road!

Pyjamaramadrama · 28/07/2014 20:45

I am really angry on the ops behalf, not just because of the complete twat she had in the car, but also because of the hard time she's given on here.