To (usually) maintain normal bedtimes during the holidays and be annoyed that friend turned up for impromptu playdate at 7.45pm?

[plentyofpipecleaners]

DC are 7 & 5. Normal bedtime is 7.30pm. DS1 reads for anything up to 90 minutes after we have gone downstairs, ds2 tends to be asleep a lot earlier then that. Since the light nights, and especially since it has been so hot and sticky, they have been noisier after bedtime, with lots of toing and froing between the two rooms. However, we/I (h partly moved out now) tend to ignore this as long as not too rowdy - dc do not seem over-tired and the focus is on them during the day, so evenings are precious. We usually go camping (is booked this year, and the plan is to go ahead, despite separation ) and bedtimes go out the window then, but otherwise, unless there is a special reason, we stick to them and dc are fine with it, I think.

Tonight a friend, as planned, came round at 7.30 to drop off a pet I am looking after for them while they are away. They had brought their dc - the same ages as ours. They were shocked to find ours in bed and the mother, in particular, made several comments about how she expected ours to be up since it is the holidays. Tbh, even if they had been up, I would not have wanted them getting hyped up at that time in the evening, no way. Both parents were there, so AIBU to think that one could have stayed at home with the dc, or that they could at least have checked before bringing the dc round?

They spent a really awkward hour here, constantly 'shhing' their dc with pointed comments about ours being in bed etc, so that I ended up feeling embarrassed for my dc - like I have shown them up in front of their friends. They were still awake, of course, and when I went up afterwards, they were in one bed giggling about why their friends had come round 'at night'. I wonder why they just didn't come down, but they didn't.

As a side issue, am I the only parent who tries to maintain normality during the holidays - ds1, in particular, is noticeably 'older' this year then last, iyswim.

It seems that those who espouse the "its summer, let them run free" dont have to worry about work. However, most people do have to worry about it so the idea that its the kids summer hols doesnt really work when they still have to be in childcare by 8:30am. All you are doing then is creating crabby tired kids.

Fuck that bogey Fuuuuucccccckkkk Thaaaat.

I just don't get the obsession some people seem to have about wanting others to keep their kids up late.

This!

I am slightly envious of those who can have late nights with the kids with not repercussions, but we can't do it! We can do the odd night but even then I get the crabby arse the next day from them. My kids dont do late nights without suffering for it, so I avoid them apart from special occasions. That doesnt make me uptight or boring or anal or selfish, its just what works for my children and my family.

I dont tell you that your kids should be in bed, dont tell me that mine should be up!

Fuck that bogey Fuuuuucccccckkkk Thaaaat.

Well quite. In fact, what you said with bells on :o

Exactly - who needs adult time eh?! Let them run around all evening - never mind the fact that they keep falling over and getting into fights because they're so exhausted - the sun is still shining and therefore they HAVE to be awake. Then when they're up just a few short hours later in the morning, just chill out, get up at 6am with them, embrace the exhaustion and misery, revel in the meltdowns, and let them work themselves into such a state that they pass put on the settee! After all, it's the holidays!
OP YANBU, I'm with you all the way.

I don't really get the point of everyone saying the children should stay in their routine- the children didn't sleep at the usual time anyway! They went to sleep at the same time as if they had been downstairs. All that happened was they had less fun.

I do agree if they have summer camp or activities and have to be up very early to get ready for that it's a bit different. Rightly or wrongly the OP said she was a teacher and I assumed they could kick about at home tomorrow. That may not be the case.

I guess I'm just speaking from the perspective of being that child laying in bed in the summer, over-hot, not sleeping,bright sunshine outside, hearing the other children playing out til about 8pm when I had been in bed for nearly 2 hours (my mum really liked her adult time). I was bored out of my mind, I still remember the restlessness and feeling fed up everyone else was out. My mum was a teacher too and it was all rather regimented.

:o Jolly beautifully put!

I guess if you still have 7am child care in the holidays their may be a problem, but we don't and I had very flexible small people who didn't do tired. (As teens they do, but as toddlers/primary age they didn't).

Personally I think wanting 'grown up time' in high summer verges on the selfish, the cool of a summers evening is a far better time to play out than 11-3 when mummy is chasing you with sun hat and sun cream.

We have a big garden, but it faces due south with very little shade, after tea is the nicest time to run about, climb and trampoline.

How the fuck can anyone put kids to bed at 6.30m? Mine are grown up now, but I recall bedtimes being 9pm or the littlest and 9.30 for the biggest. If I'd put em up there at 6.30pm they'd have been up and raring to go at 4am! Fuck that! Plus DH would never have got to eat dinner with them as his commute meant he got home at 7pm approx.

Gosh, excuse alll the 'fucks' in that last message I've had rather too much Pernod this evening.

Mine have never gone to bed early anyway but in the summer we let them stay up. It's lovely having no school to get up for. As for adult time we like to spend time with our children.

I'm a single parent, and I go out to work. After my kids go to bed I log on to work from my laptop and do a couple of hours extra. My kids get up at 6am. If it's a work day, I go to work for 12 hours. If it's not a work day, I entertain the kids on my own. I get about 1.5 hours in the evening to myself, and that's it. And I will protect that precious time, even if it means my kids miss out on some evening sun. You may call that selfish, but I think it's essential for my survival.

Jollyphonics your situation - different than the OP's and what you say makes sense if you need to work in the evenings.

However, one thing is true, if you put your children to bed at 7, they will be up at 6am! If that suits you and your working schedule, then that's a bonus.

It is not inevitable though. We are friends with lots of children from different countries and all without exception go to bed later than British children. They don't spontaneously combust, they don't all have meltdowns, they often know if they are tired and either have cuddles/go to bed/chillout whilst others are socialising. They learn to manage their own body clocks and don't, the ones we know, have sleep issues. They are much more flexible about sleeping though, will bed down anywhere or sleep sharing beds.

Having spent more time with these families, I have found my children are much more robust than I had given them credit for and have allowed mine to stay up later/socialise/be around adults much more as I realised I was rigid beyond belief about this stuff and really believed something terrible would happen. If anything, their children have fewer tantrums, not sure why.

Trust me, I know my own kids, and if they go to bed later they still wake at the same time.

I'm still reeling for the comment "as for adult time we like to spend time with our children". I think I've seen it all now!

Hands up all SAHP and Teachers on this thread.

Go on, indulge me! I would like to know how many of you "relax its the holidays" have to have everyone up and ready in the morning so you can work. Not many I am betting.

I am currently a SAHM through circumstance not choice, but I have done summer hols as a single parent working 12 hours days.

I'm still reeling for the comment "as for adult time we like to spend time with our children". I think I've seen it all now!

Jolly did you not know that you are not a proper parent if you dont sacrifice 20 years of your life to your kids? Are you embarrassed? You should be!

Time and time again I have read on here about people desperate to get their children to bed early. It's like they are some kind of inconvenience to some.

Every one does whats best for their family.

Thenapoleonofcrime My experience exactly.

Every one does whats best for their family

Exactly.

Why do your other posts indicate that you dont understand that? If you have bad sleepers or kids that are up with the lark no matter what time they went to bed then routines are everything, dont you get that?

You and yours stay up, I dont criticise you for that. Why do you criticise others because they cant do the same either due to work or the childrens sleep cycles? And as for your nicely PA "We prefer to spend time with our children", that was insulting and nasty.

My DCs are 7 and 5. They normally both go to bed at about 7.30, although DC1 often stays up for another half hour reading/playing.

In their holidays we are more relaxed, normally 8ish, possibly 9 at latest if we are watching a film or back late from somewhere. However after as couple of nights like this it all goes wrong. Bed/wake times normally follow pattern of:

Day 1: bed 8pm/Wake 7am
Day 2: bed 8.30 pm/wake 6.30am
Day 3: Bed 9 pm/wake 6am
Day 4: carnage.

I would think very differently though if I had my friends DCs 8&5yo who wake up at 11am having gone to bed at midnight. On the very rare occasion mine have gone to bed at 10 or 11pm, they have got up at 5am!!!!

I'm a teacher - not that I have made comment yet.

We try to stick to routine for our almost 2 yr old because it works. If she goes to bed very late more than one or two nights in a row then she is miserable and it takes days and days to rectify. For my wee girl that isn't fun.

It may have already been mentioned but I don't get all the calls for OP unclenching when in actual fact her children didn't appear bothered. They weren't banging at a shut door begging to be let in - they were reading and being peaceful wondering why others weren't. That's ok surely?

And BTW I am working pt over summer hols and on the days I work we are out of the house by 7.45.

The thing is, if I thought they would gambol merrily around the garden entertaining themselves, I would be all for it. They won't. They have very little in common atm and the younger one especially needs adult intervention most of the time. I would love to sit drinking wine while they built dens etc, but it wouldn't be like that. As for ds1 reading in bed, why is that so terrible? He doesn't read in the day, at least at this time of year, so it is the only time he reads. He loves it - always eager to tell me about it the next day, gloat that he has finished the chapter book we began together the previous night etc.

I am in the process of separating from my husband. I am exhausted. previous summers we have done the same as ds2 was still co-sleeping until last summer and the evenings were the only time I got to myself. I wanted 2-3 hours rather than 1-2. So shoot me. I am off work through the summer but I get up at 5am for work and have had disturbed sleep for 8 yrs due to pregnancy/co-sleeping, so never sleep much past 7 whatever happens.

Whatever you think of other people's routines, I still maintain it's rude to turn up in the evening with children without checking first, and then stay for an hour when household children are in bed!

There was nothing passive aggressive about my comment. We don't go out much, we don't drink we like to spend time as a family.

My children have never been good sleepers but they seem to cope on the amount they get. They are very active and do lots of clubs outside of school.

If the children have to be up early for work then I can see they need to go to bed early. On a weekend though there is no harm in being more relaxed.

I spend lots of time with my children. And I really enjoy spending time with them. Am a married SAHM so no work worries or holiday clubs for DC. They are not particularly prone to tiredness induced tantrums. So no excuse not to Just Chill Out and Let Them Stay Up Late, hey?

Thing is, though, by 8/8.30pm I've generally spent approximately 14 hours with them (they're generally awake by 6.30 no matter what time bedtime is).

Quite frankly after 14 hours of spending time with them, I'm kind of ready for a bit of time not spending time with them!

So during holidays bedtime generally remains the same:7pm ish for the 18mo, 7.30/8 for the 4.5yo and 8.30/9 for the 10yo.

Clearly I am the worst kind of miserable bint.