To (usually) maintain normal bedtimes during the holidays and be annoyed that friend turned up for impromptu playdate at 7.45pm?

[plentyofpipecleaners]

DC are 7 & 5. Normal bedtime is 7.30pm. DS1 reads for anything up to 90 minutes after we have gone downstairs, ds2 tends to be asleep a lot earlier then that. Since the light nights, and especially since it has been so hot and sticky, they have been noisier after bedtime, with lots of toing and froing between the two rooms. However, we/I (h partly moved out now) tend to ignore this as long as not too rowdy - dc do not seem over-tired and the focus is on them during the day, so evenings are precious. We usually go camping (is booked this year, and the plan is to go ahead, despite separation ) and bedtimes go out the window then, but otherwise, unless there is a special reason, we stick to them and dc are fine with it, I think.

Tonight a friend, as planned, came round at 7.30 to drop off a pet I am looking after for them while they are away. They had brought their dc - the same ages as ours. They were shocked to find ours in bed and the mother, in particular, made several comments about how she expected ours to be up since it is the holidays. Tbh, even if they had been up, I would not have wanted them getting hyped up at that time in the evening, no way. Both parents were there, so AIBU to think that one could have stayed at home with the dc, or that they could at least have checked before bringing the dc round?

They spent a really awkward hour here, constantly 'shhing' their dc with pointed comments about ours being in bed etc, so that I ended up feeling embarrassed for my dc - like I have shown them up in front of their friends. They were still awake, of course, and when I went up afterwards, they were in one bed giggling about why their friends had come round 'at night'. I wonder why they just didn't come down, but they didn't.

As a side issue, am I the only parent who tries to maintain normality during the holidays - ds1, in particular, is noticeably 'older' this year then last, iyswim.

Nope not me bogey. Never ever

Alright, I believe you.....thousands wouldnt! :o

I totally agree OP. My two are 6 and 3 and I like to keep them in some sort of routine. My 3 year old wakes at the same time every morning no matter what time he's in bed, so he needs to be in bed at a reasonable time. It could be 8 or 8.15 instead of 7.30 but I try not to let it be any later. It's you that has to deal with grumpy DCs the next day, so just do what suits you!

My 3 year old wakes at the same time every morning no matter what time he's in bed

I have kids like this and think that this makes a difference to how you deal with holidays. My friends DDs are grown up now but when they were younger they would sleep in the next day for the same number of hours as they were kept up. So they could have late nights regularly and it wasnt a problem. My lot would go days and days without a lie in and get more and more crabby, so while I can get away with the odd late night, like last night, generally it has to be within an hour of normal bed time.

I love that ds is going to bed later it would not bother me but I do not expect everyone to have children staying up later

we have been out late quite a lot recently and ds been very busy but now ds is very tired so a few early nights are needed

YANBU, the amount of kids who pitch up after 7 asking for DD (7) to play out is really annoying. I am less strict during the holidays but the regular bed routine is mostly maintained.

Yes, my dc are up by 7 no matter what happens. Luckily, they are now able to make their own breakfasts .

Oh dear, its bedtime mayhem here during the summer! I love to see them playing out in the garden, building dens and camping out. But mine sleep in and we dont have to get up as I have the summer holidays off work so its OK. I would not take them to someone elses house at that time though!

YANBU OP.

Ours are 6 and 8. We had planned to be more relaxed with bedtimes this summer. And we have been to start with; camping and up until nearly 10pm, visiting family and sleeping in the car but not in bed until 10.30pm but now they're shattered so they went to bed earlier than ever tonight! They tend to wake at about the same time every morning so a week of late nights and active days has caught up with them.

We both work (I'm part time) so the start of this week is busy week with activity clubs so I reckon early bedtimes (and separate child / parents evening meals) will will be more likely this week.

Oh! it never occurred to me to change bedtimes for the holidays. Mind you, it's never difficult to get them into bed, they're usually hanging by a thread by 6.30.

I wouldn't have taken my DCs round to someone else's house at 7.30 if they had 5&7y DCs because I know there are barmy people who waste summers evenings trying to get not tired and don't want to be in bed when it's to hot DCs to sleep.

It's a complete mystery to me why parents don't sit with a cold beer and let them play!

Sorry, to me this seems unreasonable or at the very least lacking in flexibility and a bit anti-social.

I can understand keeping the routine of a tiny baby where if you keep them up/miss a nap you might pay with a sleepless night, but a 5 and 7 year old?

The time the mum called at was 7.30pm, early evening, not 9/10! The children weren't asleep, you knew they weren't having just put them into bed. They then didn't go to sleep anyway, who would with a new pet and other children in the house so your plan to keep them on schedule was scuppered anyway, they just stayed upstairs presumably not wanting to ask you if it was ok to come down. The guests only stayed an hour so 8.30, which is just not late at all and you managed to make it an awkward occasion by not inviting your own children down for one hour on a one off occasion.

I don't think you did the 'wrong' thing, it's your house, your rules, your perogative to put your children to bed at 7.30 when it doesn't go dark til 9/10 and your eldest is reading til 9. But surely that is about you and wanting your evening, not about their tiredness.

If my friends called with a pet to drop off, I'd run up and have a quick word with the kids, get them to play quietly for a hour with their friends and make sure they were out of the door again by 8.30, no biggie. I find this routine at the expense of other things (sociability) to be very odd.

It's a complete mystery to me why parents don't sit with a cold beer and let them play!

Because if you do that every night, with my kids you would have the mother of all tantrums and 4 kids so tired that they are insensible. Some people have inflexible body clocks, doesnt make those of us who have to deal with that by keeping to routines unreasonable, anymore than it means that those of you who dont are unreasonable!

It all depends what they doing next day- if they have to be up for childcare/holiday club etc then yes they need to stay more or less in routine.
Im lucky I don't work school holidays so no rushing around or early starts for us, but appreciate not everyone has this luxury

Yes, I agree Bogey. Little ones wake when it's light regardless of what time they go to bed and then they're not fit to enjoy the next day (or the one after that)

There are entire nations whose children don't go to bed that early! It does seem to be a British thing, this going to be very early even in the summer (7/7.30 is early).

And if one child seems really tired, then they can go to bed or fall asleep on the sofa or whatever as a one off.

The OP even says the 7 year old doesn't go to sleep that early but nearer 9, so why make him lie in bed in the hot weather reading when his friends are downstairs?

Sorry, rules are made to be broken, yes not every night I agree, but this was a lovely sociable opportunity, now no-one had any fun, nor any more sleep than if the Op had relaxed a bit and let the kids downstairs til 8.30/9 on the holidays.

I stick to my same bedtime routine, first one goes at 6.30pm last at 7.30pm. I work so I need the kids up at a reasonable time to get them dressed and off to daycare/summer scheme never mind if it's summer. On an evening they are exhausted from daycare/summer scheme so it's best they go to bed at the usual time. Weekends it might be a bit later but life carries on the same for us during the summer hols

They were unreasonable for staying when your children were in bed. None of anyone else's business when your kids go to bed.

Btw I wouldn't have got my kids back out of bed. If my friend had told me she was pooping over then I would have kept them up but not gone and got them back out of bed again.

Plus I like my evenings to myself after getting up with my tribe from 6am onwards

When would there be any adult time if kids stayed up late all summer?

YANBU. I get so fed up with people saying that kids should be allowed to stay up late, enjoy the light warm evenings etc etc, without having the slightest idea of how it is for some kids.

Like others on this thread, my kids wake at 6am, regardless of what time they go to bed. This isn't just my guesswork - it comes from observing my kids, who I've known since birth, and who I've seen on plenty of occasions attempting to have later-than-usual nights. The result is 2 shattered kids, who go into meltdown an hour after getting up, and pretty much stay there for the rest of the day.

It's nothing to do with being uptight and needing to "unclench". Keeping my kids up till 9pm would be, for the late-night-kids crowd, the equivalent of keeping them up until 4am, and I doubt anyone would advocate that on a regular basis!

Also I work, and I can't roll in late for work because "I wanted my kids to enjoy the light evenings"!

We are much more flexible, so if I knew a friend was dropping round I would have let mine stay up. But they don't really sleep in to catch up so after a few nights they then need an early night.

The last two nights we have been away with other families in a hostel, kids all up till 10pm and then up at 7am. Busy wkend outside the whole time,3 mile walk to the beach, swimming in the sea, a&e trip to get ds3's head glued... Usual husky madness!

But this eve I got ds2, ds3 and ds4 down by 8pm.dd was later as she had had a nap late this afternoon, she doesn't nap anymore normally so was shattered. The next few nights will be regular bedtime to catch up and then we are away again from Thu- Mon and they will prob be up a bit later, esp the boys who will be 'camping' in my sister's garden.

When would there be any adult time if kids stayed up late all summer?

You are not allowed adult time! You should follow the families on the continent and keep them up all evening, despite the fact that the UK isnt set up for kids, our climate doesnt allow them to run off their energy whilst the adults socialise and you/they may have work/summer club the next day!

And as for letting a tired child fall asleep on the settee the next day - how is that fun for anyone? To get to that point they will have already been grumpy and miserable, then finally so overwhelmed with tiredness that they fall asleep in the middle of the day. What if you're out on a trip somewhere? And what if they then sleep in the day and can't sleep at night, then you go through the same thing the next day? I just don't get the obsession some people seem to have about wanting others to keep their kids up late.