Conveying the 'perfect life'

[Pud2]

AIBU to get irritated by people who convey their 'perfect lives' on Facebook?! Photos of their perfect children doing lovely things, their wonderful holiday and their fabulous OTs. I know I don't have to look, but I do and I sometimes wonder whether life isn't quite as perfect as it seems......

[Philoslothy]

As I said my children don't get many compliments, so I share them. I suspect I have the only average children on MN.

I have shared a photo of a school report, I am proud of my children.

When stepson went to his university, I was proud and shared that on FB. it looks like my eldest son is heading to a similar university and I expect if he gets in I will share that. For him that will be an amazing achievement because be has special needs and was on the verge of a permanent exclusion.

[wobblyweebles]

I don't think of what people put on FB as their 'life'. It's just some photos and stuff they like or that made them laugh.

I don't need to see photos of laundry baskets and traffic jams to know there's another side to their life that they're not photographing.

[Philoslothy]

I agree BOF it is interesting, I would be very reluctant to share my children's achievements, or mine in here because it is often a rather hostile audience. FB though is my friends, people who have celebrated the highs with us and provided a shoulder when things have been tough, so I would not think twice about sharing the things that the children do.

[BOFster]

Absolutely, wobbly- I think most people (the ones I'd choose as friends anyway) simply realise that nobody really wants to get sucked into misery and drama, but will take pleasure, or at least show a polite interest, in the genuine happy moments of their wider family and acquaintances.

It's just the social media version of replying "Fine, how are you?" to the old enquiry after you and your family in the street. Only the very gauche or self-obsessed would reply with a litany of woes.

[BOFster]

Yy, Philoslothy. I'm the same. It's more acceptable on FB to hope our audience actually likes us

[Bonsoir]

In the not-so-distant past I used to receive "round robin" Christmas letters detailing family achievements during the past year. Surely what this thread is about is the morphing of family PR into a year round activity, complete with photos, films and headlines?

[CoffeeTea103]

Op it's says more about you that you feel this way, you're jealous, unhappy in your own life and even suspicious. Why not be happy for people who seem happy, instead of looking for the 'bad' or negative.

[Scrumbled]

Nope, I don't have any problems with seeing happy posts and photos from family and friends. Why would I? There's more than usual at the moment because people are on holiday. I'll be doing some soon, there's a few of us that have road trip holidays and it's good fun seeing where people are that day.

Facebook isn't a reflection of anyone's life, a few highlights of someone's year, some funny stories and the mundane. Mundane posts are my favourite because I'm nosey. Some of my Facebook friends are into photography so I get a fair few daily pics.

I only have people I like on Facebook.

[ovaryhill]

A happy status or pic doesn't really bother me even when I know what's really going on with someone.
However the 'so ill, in bed with flu' ones give me the rage! , your clearly not that ill if you're managing to put it on facebook! Also the ones that just say'OMG' or something similar, cue all the'what's up chic/hun,
Followed by I'll p.m. you chic/hun!

[Step]

I use Facebook for sharing family pictures with grandparents abroad, an aunty and an uncle living far away, and for close firends who give a hoot about my kids and I. I don't share those pics with anyone else...

Now any parent that's livin' the dream must be on some fab drugs. There are moments of all our family lives that are far from perfect. Would I want to post a status "had another row tonight" frankly no. It's our business only. I don't post "cracking shag" either.... There is a level you can share, and a level that remains the family's business.

I like seeing my friends happy!

[KnittedJimmyChoos]

There are many people linked on facebook who are not truly friends though.

I share the joy of most people who post...I am not jealous of anyone thankfully.

However op I do have in mind one lady who is always always posting selfies in places....her dressed up etc its cringeful, lots of cryptic posts not explaining anything..telling us which glam restaurant she is at now.

even at social functions when you think you would be lost in the day, chatting and so on, she is there posting...

[TheWordFactory]

For me it's all about the lack of authenticity that's the issue. Of course we all want to share in special occasions where we can't be in person - a wedding, a birthday, a graduation. Something special. But it's the dressing up of day-to-day living as worthy of note that is problematic as it lacks any sort of credibility...

[PenelopeLane]

I only mind if I feel like the post is somehow dishonest - like the paddling pool example up thread when a woman only puts her DCs in it long enough to take pics. Or people who say, rarely take their DCs to the park, but whenever they do post loads of pics to give the impression that they do it more often than they actually do. Or the friend's husband who you know to be a real layabout cooks dinner for the family once in a blue moon, and the meal is celebrated in such detail on FB someone who doesn't know might be left with the impression that they are actually a master chef

[Bumpsadaisie]

I don't think anyone who shares photos of good times on FB is saying that their entire lives are one long golden holiday of success and bliss.

Anti-FB people often have a huge chip on their shoulder and assume FB sharers are out to make them feel inadequate.

Not true. I share stuff on FB because, when other people share their stuff, I love to see and and see what they have been up to, and catch up with how the kids are growing. I assume most of them feel the same about my stuff. It never crosses my mind that I am in some way showing off or trying to make others feel inadequate in comparison.

If people feel inadequate or chippy because I put a photo up of the kids then that is nothing to do with me.

[curiousgeorgie]

Most people do this don't they?!

I post pictures of lovely days out, but not pictures of the days when something horrible happens or when I'm bored at home doing nothing...

I post funny things my DD's say or do, but don't post 'DD's being so awful today Im going to cry or run out the door!'

I really only put my best self on there, don't we all?

[TheWordFactory]

bump I can assure you that many people who are living happy, successful, busy lives don't like FB and it aint because they're inadequate. It seems to me that amongst the people I know, the most mediochre are the ones 'sharing' their magical days in the park, or their cakes of tremendous beauty!

[Vintagejazz]

I'm not on Facebook but I kind of assume it's where people post photographs of nights out, holidays, weddings etc so yes, they're showing the happy side of their lives.

I'm sure they also have the same money/work/relationship problems as everyone else but they're not really the kind of thing you're going to share on facebook.

I've no doubt some people do go on Facebook with the sole intention of showing off and making people jealous, but they probably carry on like that in real life anyway and Facebook has just given them a wider audience and more scope.

[Vintagejazz]

By the way I do agree with previous posters; there's a big difference between people posting happy pictures and messages which are basically about seeing the fun and humour in the everyday; and people constantly posing around in designer clothes with perfectly placed children doing carefully construed activities, and telling everyone how 'perfect' their life is.

[Bonsoir]

"I really only put my best self out there, don't we all?"

Lots of people (I'm one of them) don't feel any need at all to broadcast their life to the world! It's called a "private life" for a very good reason, IMVHO.

[Mrscaindingle]

Thewordfactory you have summed it up perfectly what it is that irks me about FB. I love seeing photos of 50th birthday celebrations or hearing about children graduating etc especially from friends who live far away and who I don't see from one year to the next, its a great way to keep in touch.

However I have recently taken a break from FB as I realised it was doing my mental health no good whatsoever to be looking at some peoples 'perfect' lives with their 'perfect' families while I have been going through a very shit time. It can make you feel that you are somehow lacking.

The latest is a lot of my friends and acquaintances posting pics of them having a fab time at the Commonwealth games. I was unable to get tickets for anything other than Rugby 7's and have had to deal with Dc moaning at me about how everyone else is going to swimming/athletics. Sigh, so am taking a break until I start feeling better in general. I do agree with the Op but I think if its affecting you that way then you have to step away.

[BOFster]

Oh come off it Bonsoir- you are one of the worst show-offs on mumsnet . I take your point that it's unwise to be like that under your real identity though, and I don't post a lot of stuff on other social media (or share very personal things here).

[Philoslothy]

However the 'so ill, in bed with flu' ones give me the rage! , your clearly not that ill if you're managing to put it on facebook!

Posting on FB is hardly a taxing activity, most ill people could manage it.