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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Conveying the 'perfect life'

106 replies

Pud2 · 27/07/2014 13:14

AIBU to get irritated by people who convey their 'perfect lives' on Facebook?! Photos of their perfect children doing lovely things, their wonderful holiday and their fabulous OTs. I know I don't have to look, but I do and I sometimes wonder whether life isn't quite as perfect as it seems......

OP posts:
OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 27/07/2014 13:44

YABU. People want to put nice things on there. What would you rather see? I don't think anyone expects you to believe their life is perfect, just because they have chosen to share some of the good bits on FB.

^^This, surely?

I don't get all the FB angst on here. Surely most people use it to keep in touch with people that they don't see as often as they would like to, or as the modern equivalent of sending a postcard, or sharing something funny that they've seen, etc.

Yet on here, people seem to think it's all some kind of sinister cover up, or in your face 'showing off' designed to make others feel bad, eg someone posts a pic of some flowers their DH has bought, and instead of people thinking 'ooh that's nice', they say 'what's he feeling guilty about' or 'that's so unfair, I never get flowers' Confused.

I use it for nice things like if one of the cats does something cute or funny, or if I have a nice treat out like a nice cake, or see a nice view, or memorably, to have a little chat with my elderly Luddite Dad while I was waiting at a foreign airport, that made his day because he is only just getting to grips with technology.

I might also have a little moan about the weather, or like when my bike got stolen - it's just posting random snippets of life - I think a lot of people on here are really reading too much into things TBH.

Runningforfun · 27/07/2014 13:46

I have 19 Facebook friends. All I consider really good friends in RL. I have moved around a lot and FB is ideal for keeping in touch and seeing vids and photos from them. I don't begrudge anything they put on there. I probably was in on the discussion about where they were going on hols, which car they bought etc. I think if you get jealous of "friends" posting then maybe they are not really friends.

I always think there is always going to be someone who is prettier, richer, happier than me so there is no point in trying to compete.

KERALA1 · 27/07/2014 13:47

Just joined fb it's great seeing peoples pictures of lovely local places I previously wasn't aware of had - several great days out with dc nicking others ideas

stardusty5 · 27/07/2014 13:47

Some people do feel the need to post several times a day about how much they love their bubs, how feeling blessed they are. I do think constant posting gives a strange impression.

I do like to see what my friends are up to though

Bluebelljumpsoverthemoon · 27/07/2014 13:51

Why would they publicise the bad bits? The internet is a public space and you shouldn't be showing anything on it that you wouldn't be happy to see in a newspaper or comfortable for your neighbours, boss, friends, relatives, exes to pore over and gossip about.

People look and judge, if you put up anything that puts you or those around you in a bad light then people will think less of you for it and anyone around you who doesn't appreciate being publicly branded in a negative manner will be very pissed off. Naturally most people do what benefits them socially.

scottishmummy · 27/07/2014 13:53

But of course people present an image on FB,best pics,nice dress
Unlikely to moan about fridge sludge and post their daily gripes

SugarPlumTree · 27/07/2014 13:54

Someone on my FB feed posts lots of wholesome looking pictures where every one looks happy and are visiting nice places - all well and good.

But then she starts ranting on how other people's FB makes her feel inferior. Assumably because they are posting nice wholesome looking pictures where everyone looks happy and are visiting nice places. That I don't understand.

Deverethemuzzler · 27/07/2014 14:00

I have just posted the word 'drudgery' about 6 times.

That is how perfect my life is Grin

Sicaq · 27/07/2014 14:00

I dunno, it's better than the bloody Vaguebookers and attention seekers and the I've-done-extra-work-on-my-boss'-project (for free) ALL-this-weekend-aren't-I-gooders that my page seems to be full of ...

MamaLazarou · 27/07/2014 14:28

YABUM. Some of us just really appreciate the things we have and take joy in them.

Sour grapes, IMO, OP!

MamaLazarou · 27/07/2014 14:34

Ha ha, sorry! Extra 'M' there!

Bodicea · 27/07/2014 14:35

Why would i put the bad stuff on? I don't want to air my dirty laundry as others have said. I want to put joyous occasions, fun frollicy nights out and nice pics of my baby. Everything else can be left where it belongs in real life. Fb is a celebration of the good things in life. Nobody saw that I had two miscarriages before I finally shared my wonderful news that I was heavily pregnant ( saved all that for mumsnet ).Anyone can see that fb is not a true reflection of real life.

Pud2 · 27/07/2014 14:39

Ah, ok, guess I'm being unreasonable then! (meant OH not OT)

OP posts:
Lally112 · 27/07/2014 14:44

Philoslothy some of them, but I also have the balls to say it to their face too. I was mostly talking about work colleagues, other villagers, people from school etc who post things like "me and my fiancée couldn't be happier and for all you trying to split us up we couldn't be happier" blah blah blah when we all saw her sooking the face off some local lad in the pub last month.

BackforGood · 27/07/2014 14:49

Glad you've seen YABU.
It's just the same as taking and developing photos in the olden days thought, surely - I would develop, and show people photos of a holiday, or a wedding, or a party or nice day out. I wouldn't take a photo of my dc in the middle of a tantrum, or of the pile of washing up that's waiting to be done, or me standing at a bus stop in the rain when the bus I needed to catch was missing.
Just the same as the way I use FB, tbh - I think '"Oh, that's a nice pic, I'll share that with my family/friends.

Then I'll see pics of my family/friends enjoying themselves and think "Oh, I'm glad that worked out for them" or "Oh good, the sun shone for them" or whatever - you know, as you do, being pleased something nice has happened for people you care about.

TheWordFactory · 27/07/2014 14:54

But in the olden days people didn't take constant pictures did they? Of nights out and cakes and childen. Every. Single. Day. Sometimes several times a day. The need to a. Constuct a quazi life and b. Share it endlessly is modern and not enriching...

magpiegin · 27/07/2014 15:12

What I find frustrating is the people who put as their status 'Happy Birthday to my gorgeous, wonderful and amazing husband. I love you soooooo much' same goes for daughter, son etc. Why tell the world? Tell them to their face!

Joysmum · 27/07/2014 15:22

What do you expect, somebody to put pics up saying 'Stood in dog shit again!'

museumum · 27/07/2014 15:26

What is a "perfect life"? - I post pictures of the amazing view from the top of a hill I just cycled up or a pic of my baby giggling on a swing.... Strangely enough I do not post a pic of the dirty laundry I've just shoved into the machine or last nights dishes before I washed them...
That doesn't mean I'm trying to pretend my life is "perfect" or never dull.

BrieAndChilli · 27/07/2014 15:29

I hate the ones who go on holiday and constantly post pics and updates.njust enjoy your bloody holiday and post pics when you get back.,

wol1968 · 27/07/2014 15:34

What do you expect, somebody to put pics up saying 'Stood in dog shit again!'

Why not? It would give me a laugh at least, provided they didn't take themselves too seriously - which is what I think the OP is partly about...

Laquitar · 27/07/2014 15:38

Do you want them to post a photo of a dirty nappy? Another photo of a dirty toilet bowl that needs cleaning?

Erm of course they post the nice photos. Both -the holidays and the toilet that needs cleaning- are part of their lives.everybody knows that. But you dont need to show your relatives in NZ your toilet bowl.
Grandparents and aunts prefer to see the dcs.

ShadowFall · 27/07/2014 15:49

I think it's pretty natural for most people to focus more on the good stuff than the bad when they're posting on something like fb.

SiennaBlake · 27/07/2014 15:53

I used to whinge about what people posted (especially statuses that read more like messages that could be said in person). I deactivated in a huff and stayed off for a couple of months. Then I got over myself.

How does anybody's statuses affect you and your life? They don't unless you measure your happiness and success against everybody you know. And if you do that, you'll have bigger issues than facebook jealousy.

Muskey · 27/07/2014 15:54

Maybe what the op is saying that it does get a annoying when it's constant. I have a friend on FB who is always on holiday(they are very wealthy) what I find irritating is that she is always showing us what a fabulous life she has. The sad thing about the FB is that it is never about her kids the photos are always just of her.