Conveying the 'perfect life'

[Pud2]

AIBU to get irritated by people who convey their 'perfect lives' on Facebook?! Photos of their perfect children doing lovely things, their wonderful holiday and their fabulous OTs. I know I don't have to look, but I do and I sometimes wonder whether life isn't quite as perfect as it seems......

[Notso]

That's one of the reasons it's so boring. Same with the grammar school, I live in Wales where there are no grammar schools so I find it hard to be be overly impressed with her children going to one.
Am a bit at the cleaner but if I really wanted one I could prob have one I'm just too lazy to tidy first and I'm not paying for someone to clean around my mess.
These things obviously matter to her a great deal and there is no reason shouldn't be proud of her family but when a conversation about the dentist ends up with her saying for the umpteenth time what her husband does for a living it does make me want to scream STFU.

[pinkmoomin]

I enjoy reading Facebook boasts, and the posts of regular boasters on here. They make me snigger like Mutley.

Don't care if they are for real or self-deluded, life would be duller without them.

[Bumpsadaisie]

Bonsoir Lots of people (I'm one of them) don't feel any need at all to broadcast their life to the world!

Fair enough, there is nothing wrong with that.

But what for you is "broadcasting your life" is, for someone else of a different personality type, "staying connected and reaching out" to others. People who are natural extroverts need to feel linked up to other people, just as those who are natural introverts shrink in horror from what they see as "broadcasting" and self-publication.

[OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat]

Almost anyone can be a company director, unless they have been banned from doing so for fucking up previously.

My DP is a trustee of a small charity - that was surprisingly easy to achieve, so not necessarily impressive.

Boastful people will always be boastful, whether it is in real life or on FB. If you actually know the people, rather than they being passing acquaintances who have friended on FB, you will know if they are like this. Perhaps unfriend them, or unsubscribe to their FB feed, if they are that annoying.

Notso's aquaintance sounds like someone I know, who makes sure everyone knows about her fabulously successful DSs, international jetsetting DH and lovely home. She had a nanny, when everyone else used childminders, has cleaners and other 'help' and went on about them all as ways of demonstrating that she was better than everyone else.

[gertiegusset]

Being a company director isn't that big a deal depending on the company.
Someone I know has a DH who has had at least four companies go down the pan.
I dunno, I don't put personal stuff on FH or on here, might put that the kids are doing ok if someone asks or would pm results and stuff but wouldn't brag openly.

[Notso]

Some people are like that in real life, I have an acquaintance who manages to shoehorn into every conversation that her DH is a company director, her DC go to grammar school or that she has a cleaner. She is nice but it does get a bit tedious. Thankfully I don't live very close so we only see each other once in a while.

FB is what it is, I only go on it as most of DC friends parents seem to communicate that way.

[Philoslothy]

However the 'so ill, in bed with flu' ones give me the rage! , your clearly not that ill if you're managing to put it on facebook!

Posting on FB is hardly a taxing activity, most ill people could manage it.

[Mrscaindingle]

Thewordfactory you have summed it up perfectly what it is that irks me about FB. I love seeing photos of 50th birthday celebrations or hearing about children graduating etc especially from friends who live far away and who I don't see from one year to the next, its a great way to keep in touch.

However I have recently taken a break from FB as I realised it was doing my mental health no good whatsoever to be looking at some peoples 'perfect' lives with their 'perfect' families while I have been going through a very shit time. It can make you feel that you are somehow lacking.

The latest is a lot of my friends and acquaintances posting pics of them having a fab time at the Commonwealth games. I was unable to get tickets for anything other than Rugby 7's and have had to deal with Dc moaning at me about how everyone else is going to swimming/athletics. Sigh, so am taking a break until I start feeling better in general. I do agree with the Op but I think if its affecting you that way then you have to step away.

[BOFster]

Oh come off it Bonsoir- you are one of the worst show-offs on mumsnet . I take your point that it's unwise to be like that under your real identity though, and I don't post a lot of stuff on other social media (or share very personal things here).

[Bonsoir]

"I really only put my best self out there, don't we all?"

Lots of people (I'm one of them) don't feel any need at all to broadcast their life to the world! It's called a "private life" for a very good reason, IMVHO.

[Vintagejazz]

By the way I do agree with previous posters; there's a big difference between people posting happy pictures and messages which are basically about seeing the fun and humour in the everyday; and people constantly posing around in designer clothes with perfectly placed children doing carefully construed activities, and telling everyone how 'perfect' their life is.

[Vintagejazz]

I'm not on Facebook but I kind of assume it's where people post photographs of nights out, holidays, weddings etc so yes, they're showing the happy side of their lives.

I'm sure they also have the same money/work/relationship problems as everyone else but they're not really the kind of thing you're going to share on facebook.

I've no doubt some people do go on Facebook with the sole intention of showing off and making people jealous, but they probably carry on like that in real life anyway and Facebook has just given them a wider audience and more scope.

[TheWordFactory]

bump I can assure you that many people who are living happy, successful, busy lives don't like FB and it aint because they're inadequate. It seems to me that amongst the people I know, the most mediochre are the ones 'sharing' their magical days in the park, or their cakes of tremendous beauty!

[curiousgeorgie]

Most people do this don't they?!

I post pictures of lovely days out, but not pictures of the days when something horrible happens or when I'm bored at home doing nothing...

I post funny things my DD's say or do, but don't post 'DD's being so awful today Im going to cry or run out the door!'

I really only put my best self on there, don't we all?

[Bumpsadaisie]

I don't think anyone who shares photos of good times on FB is saying that their entire lives are one long golden holiday of success and bliss.

Anti-FB people often have a huge chip on their shoulder and assume FB sharers are out to make them feel inadequate.

Not true. I share stuff on FB because, when other people share their stuff, I love to see and and see what they have been up to, and catch up with how the kids are growing. I assume most of them feel the same about my stuff. It never crosses my mind that I am in some way showing off or trying to make others feel inadequate in comparison.

If people feel inadequate or chippy because I put a photo up of the kids then that is nothing to do with me.

[PenelopeLane]

I only mind if I feel like the post is somehow dishonest - like the paddling pool example up thread when a woman only puts her DCs in it long enough to take pics. Or people who say, rarely take their DCs to the park, but whenever they do post loads of pics to give the impression that they do it more often than they actually do. Or the friend's husband who you know to be a real layabout cooks dinner for the family once in a blue moon, and the meal is celebrated in such detail on FB someone who doesn't know might be left with the impression that they are actually a master chef

[TheWordFactory]

For me it's all about the lack of authenticity that's the issue. Of course we all want to share in special occasions where we can't be in person - a wedding, a birthday, a graduation. Something special. But it's the dressing up of day-to-day living as worthy of note that is problematic as it lacks any sort of credibility...

[KnittedJimmyChoos]

There are many people linked on facebook who are not truly friends though.

I share the joy of most people who post...I am not jealous of anyone thankfully.

However op I do have in mind one lady who is always always posting selfies in places....her dressed up etc its cringeful, lots of cryptic posts not explaining anything..telling us which glam restaurant she is at now.

even at social functions when you think you would be lost in the day, chatting and so on, she is there posting...

[Step]

I use Facebook for sharing family pictures with grandparents abroad, an aunty and an uncle living far away, and for close firends who give a hoot about my kids and I. I don't share those pics with anyone else...

Now any parent that's livin' the dream must be on some fab drugs. There are moments of all our family lives that are far from perfect. Would I want to post a status "had another row tonight" frankly no. It's our business only. I don't post "cracking shag" either.... There is a level you can share, and a level that remains the family's business.

I like seeing my friends happy!

[ovaryhill]

A happy status or pic doesn't really bother me even when I know what's really going on with someone.
However the 'so ill, in bed with flu' ones give me the rage! , your clearly not that ill if you're managing to put it on facebook! Also the ones that just say'OMG' or something similar, cue all the'what's up chic/hun,
Followed by I'll p.m. you chic/hun!

[Scrumbled]

Nope, I don't have any problems with seeing happy posts and photos from family and friends. Why would I? There's more than usual at the moment because people are on holiday. I'll be doing some soon, there's a few of us that have road trip holidays and it's good fun seeing where people are that day.

Facebook isn't a reflection of anyone's life, a few highlights of someone's year, some funny stories and the mundane. Mundane posts are my favourite because I'm nosey. Some of my Facebook friends are into photography so I get a fair few daily pics.

I only have people I like on Facebook.

[CoffeeTea103]

Op it's says more about you that you feel this way, you're jealous, unhappy in your own life and even suspicious. Why not be happy for people who seem happy, instead of looking for the 'bad' or negative.