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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to not attend family lunch due to distance?

87 replies

Hickorydickory12 · 27/07/2014 08:26

We have been invited by dh family to a birthday lunch next month. I feel it will be too much to do. We would have to travel there and back in one day (4-5 hr round trip) with a 1 yo, 5yo and 7yo. Then sit down for a lunch lasting around 2 hours.
It is dh uncle birthday (60) and his family will be there. I'm not sure if iabu, but to spend 2 1/2 hours in the car travelling with the dc and then sit down for a lunch (and keep a 1yo still and happy) then drive 2 1/2 hours home afterwards is going to be too much for us all.
Do you think iabu to politely decline. I think the uncle will understand, but I suspect mil will sulk as she just expects us to do these things and doesn't understand how exhausting it can be.
Any honest thoughts?

OP posts:

Thepursuitofhappiness · 27/07/2014 17:28

Sounds a stressful way to spend the day.
I'd probably slightly exaggerate the time that DC1 needs picking up so that it rules out going. They know she's camping so believable excuse perhaps?

If you advise you can't go, also invite PIL to stay giving specific dates. It works both ways but sounds like you're making most the effort.

inlectorecumbit · 27/07/2014 18:20

Fuck no. Hell would freeze over before l would subject my family to a day like that. 2 &1/2 hours travelling then 2 hours of "best" behaviour before 2 &1/2 hours back.
Naaaaah Life is too short to waste a day like that.
Suggest meeting up at some point midway and just see who would be willing to do that!!
Might be very telling

Nanny0gg · 27/07/2014 18:30

They haven't even bothered to meet their 20month old grandchild?

Stay at home!!

MagratsHair · 27/07/2014 18:35

Judging from what you have said then you can't really win. If you don't go then it will be your fault for spoiling the day. If you do go & when the kids start playing up, as they will, then that will be your fault as well for not 'keeping them quiet' & not raising them properly & that will also spoil the day.

Do what suits you as either will be your fault :)

Elenorrigbywoes · 27/07/2014 18:53

I wouldn't go personally, it is too much in this weather with small children.

EarthWindFire · 27/07/2014 19:19

Would you do it for your own family? If so then YABU

FryOneFatManic · 27/07/2014 20:39

The most important thing to remember is that the OP's DC1 needs collecting from camp.

So everything else comes after the need to be home in time. If the DC is not collected that could impact quite a lot on whether they get to another camp, as after all the adults at camps are often volunteers. And won't want to have a child on camp whose parents have been late collecting previously.

And that's before you factor in the possibility that the trip home could be a problem if there's any hold up.

Fairylea · 27/07/2014 20:45

I wouldn't go.

No family celebration on earth would make me sit in a car for 5 hours with small children. I'd just send a card and decline.

nyzz · 27/07/2014 20:47

I was going to say that I would go but then I saw that they haven't met DC4 and you've got the added issue of having to be back to collect DC1. Seeing as your DH doesn't want to go, then perhaps he can explain to his mum, don't see why you should be the one to tell her.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/07/2014 21:00

I would probably go. Just because a 60th is special and it's not as simple as not wanting to go.
I would:

Set off at 6am ish so kids can sleep/have breakfast in car.
Go somewhere fun & different for kids near restaurant all morning.
Take pushchair, go for a walk twenty min before meal, for dc4 to fall asleep, and hopefully sleep in pushchair throughout meal ( if that is a possibility).

Mind, if you think this wouldn't/might not work, then I'd just send dh possibly with eldest two.

MissDuke · 27/07/2014 21:07

I wouldn't go either op. If dh wanted to go with the older kids - great. If not, then we would send our apologies. As mentioned, there is too much risk of getting held up and being late for dc1 anyway.

WelshMaenad · 27/07/2014 21:16

YANBU. We didn't attend MIL's 60th birthday lunch. It would have been a 6 hour minimum round trip with a 4 year old and 6 week old, 6 weeks post c section for me, and I have had a dvt before so serious risk of clotting with a 3-4 hour drive even if we stayed overnight (which we couldn't afford).

Mil was aggrieved, more at the lost opportunity to play the perfect grandma in front of her family than any genuine regret at our absence, I'd imagine. I didn't really care.

It really is a lot to expect just for a bloody lunch.

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