Husband going on holiday and leaving me alone with trouble teen

[Tanya34]

My husband is going on 3 rd holiday this year which I really don't mind . Problem is our teen daughter is in with wrong crowd drink drugs last time he was abroad she was put in hospital by one of her so called friends she was kicked unconscious and had her head stamped on was a awful time that I had to go through alone I begged husband not to go but he did anyways . Now he leaving again for a week and I'm dreading it every night is a drama drunken daughter kicks off has even hit me and smashed up my house this is not a one off it a regular thing I think he is sooooo selfish leaving me to deal with this alone again apperently he "really needs this holiday" I feel like burning his passport does anyone else think he is selfish or am I just jealous and overreacting?

Thank you for your kind words

but she's not going to get it . He clearly is avoiding the situation and choosing not to engage. Up to you whether he is worth the energy or better to make a life just for you and her.

Exactly I couldn't leave my dd in care of dh it sounds nasty but I just don't trust him to put her needs before his own

I have stopped giving her money months ago and she still comes home in some kind of state I have fallen out with my mother over all this because she was sneaking behind my back giving my dd money and even buying alcohol for her when she knows full well the problems we are having

How about getting some help for yourself OP? Something to build your self esteem back up so that you can truly see that you deserve better than this man who checks out and pisses off with his mate.

Then you can demonstrate to DD that She deserves better than these "friends" she has.

I'd kick the "D" H out to be honest, but from the outside looking in I see it differently to you.

Sorry if I haven't replyd to all of msgs I'm new to this and a Ltl confused at how it works thanks again to all who have commented its good to hear other peoples views

I have thought that many times that I'm setting a bad example to my dd by letting this selfish behaviour continue and tbh my dd is probably just as selfish as her father but then she is a child and he is a adult though it sometimes feels like I've got two selfish teens at home not one

After reading all the feedback I can see things a lot more clearly I've been feeling like I'm just being jealous because dh gets to just jet off away from all the problems while I don't have that option I have told him I don't even want him to call me when he is away because I don't want to be just moaning on other end of phone knowing there's nothing he can do to help me I'm seriously considering telling him if he leaves me again to have fun in the sun I'm not going to be waiting for him when he gets home and I certainly will not be packing his holiday bag for him as he usually expects

He expects you to pack his holiday bag. They cheeky fucker is treating you like his personal maid. I'd be tempted to pack it full of DD's outgrown clothes, and any of your's you no longer want.

Then get some legal advice regarding your husband of long standing, you did say 15 years? frequently abandoning the family to spend time and the family's money seeing the world with his friend.

Ha ah cheeky fucker lol I love that .packing his case with a load of crap could be quite satisfying knowing how fuming he will be when he opens it ha ah ha would be so funny I love the way ur mind works :)

I have told him I don't even want him to call me when he is away because I don't want to be just moaning on other end of phone knowing there's nothing he can do to help me - you are a saint!

I certainly will not be packing his holiday bag for him as he usually expects - this is outrageous! He needs a good slap. He has no idea how good he has it and you should definitely tell him what's what.

To say that he is taking the piss would be the biggest understatement of the year! He is definitely taking you for granted and treating you like a doormat. If he doesn't start showing some respect and sharing the responsibility, then show him what he would missing when you aren't quite as angelic as you have been this far! This really is unbelievable!

I might actually show him this thread so he can see that it's not just me who thinks his behaviour is totally selfish

I'm not surprised your teenager is going off the rails as it sounds as though your relationship and home life is profoundly unhappy

You and your DH need to sort your own relationship out and then start managing your DD as a united front. But sort your own relationship out first.

My home life has not always been unhappy me and dh only started haing problems when my dd started going off rails before that dd has had a happy normal upbringing just that what is going on with dd makes me constantly upset and I kind of think it has turned my dh against my dd somehow he dislikes how she makes me feel but doesn't actually address anything she does it's like I'm the man in this relationship it's always me that has to try sort the problems for example I found dd boyfriend in her bed few weeks ago was absolutely fuming told dh he just lay in bed I had to go throw boyfriend out of house surely that's a dad's job? Please don't get me wrong he is not a bad person just very selfish

My home life has not always been unhappy me and dh only started haing problems when my dd started going off rails - marriage is supposed to be for better, for worse. Not just for the good times. Remind him of that.

That is so true tigerkidd I couldn't agree more

Tanya - don't show him the thread because then you can continue using MN as a sounding board.

Hmmm I suppose thanks you so much everybody on here you have all been so helpful feel so much better getting all that moaning out and other peoples opinions are so helpful :)

Agree, don't show him the thread. This isn't the time for that because you've already spoken to him about his behaviour and it's made no difference to him.

I think him seeing this will be turned into you lying about him, telling everyone his business, making him look bad.

Seriously, get yourself some help, try to see if you can get some councelling for yourself, tell him you are trying to get help for DD if needs be, then once you feel confident in yourself again get a SHL (Shit Hot Lawyer) and get serious advice about your rights and his behaviour. Both you and DD deserve much, much better than this and it's up to you to get it for both because he won't and she can't. But don't give him information to beat you down with.

Concentrate on you and DD.

Many lawyers now give 30 mins advice free of charge. Take his holiday as an opportunity to write out a list of questions and get a few 30 mins with solicitors to find out the basics of your's and DD's rights.

Have you spoken at all to your GP about the stress of dealing, alone, with DD's problems, why your husband fucks off 3 times a year for holiday?

Wave him off on holiday and get yourself down to the solicitor's for a divorce. He isn't a partner.

DO NOT SHOW HIM THIS THREAD. He doesn't give a shit about his wife's feelings, he certainly won't care what strangers think and will love the fact we are all disgusted with him.

I don't feel I can talk to my gp in confidence anymore as social services have been involved because of the dangerous positions my dd is putting herself into when drunk or on drugs they were no help whatsoever . Just wanted to place blame into me rather than offer some useful help anyways meetings with social workers ended in all my appointments with my gp being discussed with a room full of people who don't know me or my dd I asked them for help and they wanted to do a risk assessment in me to see how much of a risk I am to my dd outrageous I have told them politely to f*ck off

OP, what strikes me here is that you respond with a laugh when people suggest your DD should go too, or that you take three holidays and leave him with DD, like it's really tickled you. But actually, that would be a normal thing to do! You should have equal time away, because you should be treated as equals.

It is not normal to pack his bag, as someone else said, you're not his maid.

I would bet that he treats you disrespectfully in many ways that you accept as normal and that's really sad.

YANBU

I don't have any useful advice but YANBU

Pack his bag with a couple of thick jumpers, that'll pad it out with minimum effort, and a pair of bright speedos.

I would shred his passport.

Then again, you could spend the time he is away seeing a solicitor and putting plans in place to rid yourself of this cockwomble for good.

What's the betting your DD will improve her behaviour once DH is out of the picture?

My married XBIL had a friend like that who hung around all the time, went on holiday a few times every year etc. That was because they were gay.

Pack his bag (full of crap) and have a two week break from him to think about what you do want - and a good laugh at the thought of his face when he opens his case.

Make some appointments with different solicitors. Get a feel of the divorce process and what you might want to achieve from it.

Try the Teenagers Board - lots of 'been there/done that' MNetters when it comes to teens/behaviour/school etc... There's nothing you can tell them that they've never heard/seen before - it won't even raise an eyebrow!