To think a whole class except 3 party sends a very pointed message.....

[starterforeight]

I'm trying to get my head round this as it is affecting the way I see someone I know well.

I'd rather not say which part I am currently playing in all of this so as to get a truly non biased opinion.

The children concerned are more than old enough to notice who is and isn't invited to a party and much discussion takes place about who's going, what they're going to wear, what they're going to do.

Yes it seems to be pointed on one hand, (who knows what the message is though, only they know that and it's frustrating not knowing) but then on the other hand not pointed, as we just don't know!

It could be, you 20 plebs are invited to my party, but the other 3, we're taking to the Grand Prix/Disneyland/London for the day etc...

I was one excluded from a party because I 'made too much noise drinking wiv a straw', although it later transpired that the mother didn't approve of mine, who was unmarried.

After the straw explanation, but before the unmarried mother one, I kicked the girl very hard in the shins outside the big girls toilets

I didn't have form for kicking other girls incidentally. But the straw thing was clearly bollocks and my 7 yo self was outraged.

When the pinched faced cow of a mum in her nasty brown coat told me off after school about the kicking thing, I remember feeling relieved that I was no longer friends with her daughter.

Nice bit of pay back lewis

Put it this way, as an adult, would you invite 20 out of a workplace team of 23 to a social occasion?

Yes. Whilst I have to speak to/deal with certain people in work, my own time is a different matter. School is the same.

The way the OP is "convinced" it's nothing to do with bullying makes me think that one of her kids is in the 3 & couldn't possibly be one.....

But surely just because they are in the same class, it doesn't automatically follow that they are friends.

There may not have been a major falling out, more a case of not 'clicking'.

Why would you insist your child invites someone they are not friends with (whole class scenario) ?

Because they are stuck with them, evilstepmam, and excluding a couple out of a class is just calculated to make life worse for all concerned IMO. If they don't want everyone, that's fine, they can have a smaller party, but my DC have always, given the choice of whole class with no exclusions or less than half the class, gone for the whole class option.

Why would you insist your child invites someone they are not friends with (whole class scenario) ?

Because if I don't invite them they would feel bad. And I don't want to make other people feel bad - particularly children - for no good reason. I want my child to learn that compassion is more important than whittling the guest list down by three, and that even on their birthday it's not all about them. Especially if my DC had nothing in particular against a child, simply didn't 'click'. If it's a whole class party, invite the whole fucking class. If you leave anyone out, there's needs to be a really good reason for it (such as bullying).

If your child only wants to invite their close friends, the ones they really 'click' with, then it should be pretty easy to invite only half the class or less.

What makes it worse I think though, is the reason that the person isn't invited doesn't change. You are all excluding them for exactly the same reason just some of you would rather penalise those who are friends by leaving them out just to protect the class bully.

So birthday child misses out on a party she wanted being how she wanted, and half her friends can't come all because of this one child.

Just another way of looking at it.

I have to disagree on one thing though here.

All these children, they share a space with 29 others for six hours a day.

They help eachother (even if not friends) with work, possibly share lunch tables with them.

They share resources and the teachers attention all day. They go home and share a house and a bedroom with other people.

They are always thinking of others and sharing and taking turns etc.

If a child cant have two hours once a yr desicated to just them, then when can they?

Sounds shitty. Or ignorant. And how does anyone know every name in the class unless you get a list which is usually data protected ,anyway?

As ever, am baffled how people can KNOW so much about who wasn't invited. Unless OP is the person who excluded just 3.

Good point niger

There's a whole range of people who pick up each kid.

Parents are dropping and leaving with other mums/dads and dashing off to work. Then of course there's the finding if a scrunched invite at the bottom of the bag stuck with water to the reading folder.

Half these people probably have no idea who's in the class and who isn't

WatchingSeaMonkeys: "Put it this way, as an adult, would you invite 20 out of a workplace team of 23 to a social occasion?

Yes. Whilst I have to speak to/deal with certain people in work, my own time is a different matter. School is the same."

Would you really though? Or would you just invite the 5,6,7,8 closest people? I can't imagine a scenario in which I would do the former. I couldn't enjoy a party if I thought it was excluding a very small minority of people, because it would be rude and potentially hurtful to them.

Gileswithachainsaw: "If a child cant have two hours once a yr desicated to just them, then when can they." Well they can, either with their closest friends there (and no others), or with everyone there. Simple. Having a good time doesn't preclude considering the feelings of others.

And what QuipFree said.

NigerDelta - we have a class list with details which is circulated at the beginning of the year (we all have to sign a waiver to allow this to happen). Normally parents will email the invitees parents, so it is quite clear who is invited from the parent's email addresses.

ah, nobody thinks to BCC? daft. Surely some folk are told in person, they can't ALL be on email? Or via facebook. I know someone who's always on FB but has no idea how to use email.

Well to be fair it's actually quite useful for the smaller parties because then you can check whether your mate's kid is invited before offering a lift, etc. Everyone at our school uses email and I guess it may be the same system at the OP's (which could be how she knows).

My ds2 has apparently not been invited to a whole year end of year 6 party

The mother who told me this was quite annoyed on my sons behalf...I don't think he cares at all though. Plus she may well have her facts wrong

I certainly wouldn't have a whole class party, it's usually 10/11 max

< pokes head in>

Isn't she back yet?.

Arse.

If a child cant have two hours once a yr desicated to just them, then when can they?

I reckon the party will still be dedicated just to my DC. Their name on the cake. They pick the theme/activities whatever (within budget!). I don't see how having a handful of kids out of 25 somehow that they may not be besties with, somehow makes it not their party anymore.

I have no way of ensuring that the ones they like best will show up, either. Their parents may have other plans, or they may have another party.

Just because we're throwing DC a party doesn't mean they can be horrible to others. My DC have invited kids they don't particularly like to whole class parties before, and usually there are so many kids running about that they don't take much notice of the 'unwanted' ones. Sometimes they even end up with a much nicer relationship with someone they had written off.

If that's not the kind of party they want, they are welcome to have fewer, closer friends.

A mum I'm friendly with attempted to do this to a child with some behavioural issues. She IS a handful but to exclude her would be cruel beyond belief and I told her so. Thankfully she had the good grace to backtrack, but if she hadn't, I'd have refused to take my child and told all the other parents why. In my case we're talking about 5 year olds. The adults should know better.

See there everyone goes again assuming it was some deliberate point proving excercise.

We don't know why these children weren't invited. Your all assuming the worst with zero facts to go on from a drip feeding op

I do find this thread interesting as previously posted dd has been on the receiving end of this but today when I was out with dd today we were discussing her up coming birthday party. As usual I have invited the whole class. I did have a big reservation about one child who has bullied many of the children in the class including dd. dd is adamant she doesn't want this dc at her party but regardless of this the dc has been invited. I just believe it is wrong and cruel to play mind games like this with children

Happens all the time at senior school. Not nice and not always fair but sooner or later it's something we all have to deal with. Whole classes of 30 people just don't do everything together.

Had the same situation, only 11 boys in class, my DS and another boy was excluded. The party of boys had to walk down our road to the boys house and I had a 6 year old wondering aloud as to why he wasn't going to Tom's party! Very sad and I think the mother quite a vindictive cow.

Melika I'd totally have publicly asked her, because it's behaviour which is unjustifiable, and would show her up to be the vile bitch she is.