Priest telling boys how to pee at school?

[Downamongtherednecks]

Tween ds is at a private school, not UK. Most staff are female. There were incidents of the boys’ loos being left with pee around the lavatory bowl, so a male member of staff (priest) took the boys into the loos (in groups) to tell them that this was unacceptable and to suggest that they aim better and that they should perhaps practice more (!).

This was not discussed at all with parents.
AIBU to think this was not an acceptable thing for the school to do? It seems far too private and something surely better handled by parents. Priest has form for sexism so it is possible that may be one reason I instinctively don’t like it. DH (robustly boys’ private-school educated) says this was fine, it's a boy/male teacher thing, and he can’t see a problem with it. Happy to be told I am being biased against the sexist priest. No intention of taking it up with school btw, as dc are leaving anyway. AIBU?

They are not that little 10/11 they are talking about mess not willys, stop scaremongering vixtric

I would gladly have a teacher lecture my son about pee on in the loo if my son had done anything as revolting as leave such a mess for others to clean up. Why are you focussing on where this talking to happened rather than the mess the boys are making when they are old enough to know better???

And why why why equate this with paedophilia??? Poor, poor man

Sorry I am a "senior designated" for safeguarding and a child protection trainer and I don't see a disdain/dismissal/disregard for SG here!

A male member of staff took groups (not individuals) to show them the mess to emphasis the problem. Just talking to them rarely gets the message home. Just like I take my class to show them the mess. Is that more worrying as I am a female member of staff in the boys toilets or less because as a women statistically I am less likely to be an abuser?

I am not negating the horrific history of abuses within the catholic church, just worried by the automatic assumption of guilt of all clergy. How much of the hysteria is due to the fact that he is a priest and the OP doesn't like him (why?) or would the concern remain if it was a male teacher unconnected with the church or a female member of staff?

the OP's son is not at boarding school and is not a small child either if he is a tween. Hopefully he was not talking penises either but more about aiming properly when doing a pee.

victrix, they're not 'little boys' (the OP says 'tweens'), they're not at boarding school, and he was not 'talking about willies'.

If a teacher is going to abuse your child, he's sure to find a better way than taking the whole class in to a smelly loo on the pretext of talking about wee.

taking a comfort break

Hee hee.. Americans don't say that. But that does sound entertaining, I might drop it next time I'm out. No but seriously, don't drop that line if you visit here, you'll get some weird looks as it sounds... questionable somehow.

We do have a weird avoidance of talking about what goes on in the bathroom though. We're more likely to say:

"I have to use the restroom"
"I have to use the little girls room"
"I'll be right back" while pointing to the restrooms.

From the Priest's POV

"AIBU to think parents should teach their boys to pee properly, so that others don't have to clean up after them? Their mothers seem to have enough time to chat in the car park"

I'm with is it Friday. It's about the mess, it isn't personal care.

this is insane.

We all know statistically that men are more likely than women to sexually abuse children -
but its a massive leap from that to "therefore all men/especially priests are a potential abuser"

this was not about penises, it was about mess on the floor & general hygiene and respect for others. It is exactly the same as talking about litter in the playground, really it is.
this was not personal (there was a whole group of them, no one was being singled out/embarrassed/accused)
there was NO safeguarding issue - it was an adult in a room with a whole group of kids - if he went one at a time into the loo with them that of course would show at least a lack of judgement.
I work in safeguarding, doing DBS checks for people, I have disclosures for volunteering in Guiding and for volunteering in school in addition to requiring one for my work. The situation in the OP is a non issue.

Some people on this thread are hysterical.

If the OP dislikes/distrusts this priest so much because of her dealings with him and her gut instinct, then why the hell is the child still at that school ???

There are stickers you can get to stick on urinal backs that change colour when "hit" with wee. We did investigate, but no one was prepare to peel them all off when they life ran out. The cleaners certainly should not be expected to deal with the hazardous waste and none of the teachers fancied the job (despite the "and any other duties as directed by the HT" clause in our job description!). We were desperate to control the peeing competitions! "who can pee over the cubicle dividers, who can pee highest, who can pee someone else's shoes ..." - boys !
These are probably only useful in infant schools, I doubt the OP's tweens would be motivated by them!

YABU - as a teacher I find it very frustrating when parents haven't taught their children such basic things. Table manners is another one.

Vixtric I hope you don't have boys with that sad attitude, if you do, you know your little boy will shock horror grow to become a man! Then what!

I went into the loo after my 11 year old nephew had been, and was disgusted to see the seat up with wee all round the toilet where we shouldn't be, funny dh does not do that it my other 7 year old nephew seems pretty clean.

If a 7 year old can aim properly a 11/12 year old bloody can it's disgusting, and so they should be show tge mess they made and collectively clean it up!

He should have had someone else there tp protect him from daft allegations, in a state school that would have been a given.
How old are these children, anyway? Old enough to be put on a rota to clean the toilets?

And yes, parents who don't teach their children basic PSHCE skills are a PITA (SN excluded from the rant)
Not peeing straight, not wiping their bums correctly, poor hygiene, tooth brushing and FFS if they can't eat yoghurt without dribbling it down their clothes, don't give them yoghurt in their lunches.

This is a serial problem in my household (3 boys). Where can I rent a suitable priest to bollock them?

Have you got a target or a pingpong ball for them to aim at?
We had a little happy face ball for a year.

Do state schools always have two adults with groups of children then?

Do state schools always have two adults with groups of children then?

No.
Not only that but staff are actually allowed in certain circumstances to be on their own with a single child. Shock horror!
How do people think individual SEN reading lessons happen, or individual music tuition?
Teachers are present & supervising when kids get undressed for PE and swimming fgs, and yet folk are concerned about the fully dressed boys in the OP being spoken to in the toilets - why is it different to any other room? They were being spoken to. Nothing else.

Most state schools all rooms where children are taken have glass doors/large windows so that anyone passing can see in. Good practise would still say not to be on a 1-1 with a child in a room unless no other option. If going into somewhere closed like toilets best practise would say 2 adults.

Again that's not necessarily to protect the children (although of course that is part of it) but also to protect the staff from accusations.

I am intrigued by all this talk of ping pong balls - don't you get, erm, splashback if they hit the ball? Like when they try to pee in a potty while standing up?

Good practise would still say not to be on a 1-1 with a child in a room unless no other option

But he wasn't , there were a group of children.

I know. I have said the op was being way ott.

For his same he probably should have taken someone else with him - but only to protect himself from people like the op accusations

I'd never heard the ping-pong ball thing either. victrix (great name) I think I am around the same place on the safeguarding continuum as you. Ds said the peeing around the loo at school was nothing to do with him (but he would say that, wouldn't he?) and that his friends (non-sporty minecrafters) are not the peeing offenders. They think it was the 14 year olds. I haven't noticed, and my cleaner hasn't complained which she definitely would that there is pee around his loo at home. Maybe he is peeing in the shower ? DH is happy that the MN consensus is that AIBU (but agrees that the priest is a sexist generally).