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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

wedding related (again)

50 replies

jopickles · 23/07/2014 09:00

my cousin is getting married in September and my parents are invited to the full day and me and my sister are invited to night do all ok so far but she sent me a facebook message the other day asking what my parents would like for their meal and gave me the choices. My mum is a vegetarian which is a fairly recent thing but as far as my cousin would know she could have been for a long time. All the choices for the main courses are meat based so I asked about another option for veggies to be asked if I was joking(!) I said no and she then replied well can't she just have soup as a starter and then a dessert. My mum is quite happy to have a meal and just leave the meat if she has to but AIBU to think that most places would be happy to offer a veggie option if asked and if you are inviting people to a wedding and a meal you would want them to be able to choose a meal they are happy with. Surely there may be other guests with this issue or should guests just put up and shut up?

OP posts:

YoniMitchell · 23/07/2014 09:04

Why did she a ask you what your parents would want to eat?

Aside from that then yes, a veggie option is always available ime. Your cousin's suggestion is just mean and smacks of 'cba'.

YoniMitchell · 23/07/2014 09:04

Ask you as in not just ask them?!

cailindana · 23/07/2014 09:04

I think if someone else is paying a lot of money to provide a party and food for you you don't start whinging about what's provided. Plenty of people don't eat fish, don't eat carrots, whatever. How is that catered for?

Put up and shut up IMO.

treaclesoda · 23/07/2014 09:09

Well, a vegetarian option would be polite. But then again, I've never been to a wedding where there has been a choice of meal, it has always been a set meal. But then again, presumably there have been vegetarians or people with allergies at the weddings I've been to, so presumably they have contacted the hosts and explained that they can't eat a particular food?

Possibly the bride just hasn't thought it through properly - I couldn't count the number of people I have met in life who swear that they are vegetarian, but who actually eat chicken and fish , and consider a vegetarian to be someone who doesn't eat red meat . So tbh I could understand why someone would organise a meal offering chicken or salmon as an option and assume it would cover everyo8 requirements.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 23/07/2014 09:09

Yes there should always be a vegetarian option and the venue will provide one if the bride could be bothered to ask. It won't cost any more so I'm not sure what the issue is.

What would she do if your mum or other guests had an allergy or something, just say tough?

It's hardly the same as just being fussy.

She is being unreasonable.

treaclesoda · 23/07/2014 09:15

I only know two vegetarians and as it happens neither of them are vegetarians due to ethical concerns. They both just don't like the texture or taste of meat, in the same way that some people don't like the texture of eg broccoli.

Whilst I think that it is perfectly reasonable for there to be a vegetarian option, it's an interesting thought that their dislike of meat is considered a dietary requirement, whereas another person's likes and dislikes are just fussy eating.

And yes, before I am rounded on, I do realise that for lots of people it is an ethical issue, and of course they should be accommodated.

MagnificentMaleficent · 23/07/2014 09:16

Of course there should be a vegetarian option, many people can't eat certain types of meat for religious reasons as well as moral.

I had people with severe allergies to dairy and nuts at my wedding and they were also catered for accordingly. But then I am of the view that if you invite people to an event you want them to enjoy themselves if possible, not pick round meat on a plate or only eat half a dinner.

If your guests aren't important to you when making perfectly reasonable and normal requests then don't invite them.

Only1scoop · 23/07/2014 09:18

There is always a vegetarian option how odd?

Also most vegetarians I know cwrtait wouldn't be happy to take the meat off and eat the rest.

Tell her to contact your parents re menu choice. Why does everything have to be done via fb these days

Only1scoop · 23/07/2014 09:19

Should say 'certainly'

AlpacaLypse · 23/07/2014 09:21

I don't think I've been to a wedding without a vegetarian option in the meal, ever. And I've been going to weddings for forty odd years now!

Noodledoodledoo · 23/07/2014 09:58

We had a choice of meal at ours but no vege option as a choice as such as we only had one vege attending. We did check before picking the choices and hotel did a separate vege option for our one vege.

Original poster

jopickles · 23/07/2014 10:01

to be honest the whole thing is odd I know people don't need to spend loads on a wedding but she is constantly on facebook saying she doesn't want to spend more then a certain amount on things which you know she isn't going to get. Like I say my mum isn't too bothered and will pick the meat off but it certainly isn't ideal as gravy etc will probably be meat juice based but she wouldn't want to cause an issue with the family I think it was more the asking me if I was joking and just saying she could do without that annoyed me as like people have said surely people with allergies wouldn't get that response

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 23/07/2014 10:03

I always have the veggie option at a wedding and I'm NOT a veggie.
How odd not to have the option.
I just prefer veggie food when I'm out and I've never had to put up and shut before.
Seems most strange to me!

Icimoi · 23/07/2014 10:03

Any reputable caterer will include a vegetarian option, so if the catering is being provided by professional caterers I'd be amazed if it hasn't been suggested to the bride. However, obviously they can't force her to go for it.

The problem with her saying that OP's parents should go for the soup is that that also may be based on a meat stock.

Original poster

jopickles · 23/07/2014 10:03

noodle I appreciate that like you say your venue did the option but she isn't even planning to ask the venue if they can provide a veggie meal she is just happy for guests to sit and not eat with everyone else

OP posts:

MaidOfStars · 23/07/2014 10:04

I'm veggie. I wouldn't be happy to 'pick the meat off'. I wouldn't trust that the potatoes/veg didn't contain animal fats (I understand roasties in goose fat is a fairly common gastro offering).

I was once delighted to hear the opinion expressed above, from someone planning a wedding. It was made a hundred times worse when he clarified that were I vegetarian for religious reasons, he would be happy to cater for me

Cailin, you sound like a dreadful host.

OP, I think you should push this. I've never heard of a catering provider of any sort being unwilling to provide veggie/vegan/allergen-free meals at no extra cost. It's completely standard to do so.

Icimoi · 23/07/2014 10:04

Come to think about it, you'd also need to check if the sweet has gelatine in.

Jayne35 · 23/07/2014 10:10

When I got married we offered a roast and a veggie meal (when I sent the invites I asked people to let me know if they were veggie), I don't understand why this is complicated - the cost is no different and I know venues don't mind the different options (with so many allergies now) as I work in one.

PresidentSpreadable · 23/07/2014 10:11

My dp is vegetarian for cultural/religious reasons, there is no way he would be happy to just leave the meat on the side, and neither would the majority of vegetarians and vegans I know.

I would contact the venue directly if your cousin can't be arsed.

CocktailQueen · 23/07/2014 10:12

There is always a veggie option at the weddings I've been to... and why is the bride asking you? there's usually a reply slip for food preferences in the invite!

HauntedNoddyCar · 23/07/2014 10:16

Even the meatiest restaurants usually have something for veggies so it's not as if it's a niche requirement!

Could you ring the venue and check with them whether a) they could do a veggie option and b) whether it would cost more?

Then tell cousin not to worry as it's a sorted at no additional cost.

WiggleGinger · 23/07/2014 10:17

This is shocking!!!!!

I'm not a veggie but MIL / SIL & many friends are & I would NEVER consider being as rude as to tell them to miss a course.

I agree with pp that much of the meal will contain meat particles (gravy/ fats etc) so why should those who choose not to eat meat for whatever reason have to eat meat by products?

Speak to your mum and your cousin and if needed offer to speak to the venue on her behalf and sort the veggie option for her.

This is terrible! I'm astounded that anyone would think its acceptable to be so rude!

Ps Sorting anything through FB drives me nuts!!!!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 23/07/2014 10:24

If your cousin is being an arse over it I would contact the venue yourself. I've been to loads of weddings and have never known a venue to not provide a veggie option.

BabyMarmoset · 23/07/2014 10:25

A veggie option should always be available even if I do think being veggie is choosing to eat boring food

You put up and shut up if you don't like carrots. If you don't eat meat, for whatever reason, then you deserve to have that catered for. End of.

There is no way that any caterer wouldn't have a veggie option so it must be your cousin that is being the PITA

MidniteScribbler · 23/07/2014 10:35

Being vegetarian is not even remotely comparable to being a fussy eater. Vegetarian is a standard option these days, along with 'do you want the meat or fish', I've even been to whole events where the hosts have decided to only serve vegetarian options due to their beliefs. Sounds to me like the hosts are some of those twatty types who would sneak a bit of bacon into a 'vegetarian quiche' then laugh uproariously when it was eaten 'huer, huer, you just ate meat, hardiharharhar'.

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