Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

wedding related (again)

50 replies

jopickles · 23/07/2014 09:00

my cousin is getting married in September and my parents are invited to the full day and me and my sister are invited to night do all ok so far but she sent me a facebook message the other day asking what my parents would like for their meal and gave me the choices. My mum is a vegetarian which is a fairly recent thing but as far as my cousin would know she could have been for a long time. All the choices for the main courses are meat based so I asked about another option for veggies to be asked if I was joking(!) I said no and she then replied well can't she just have soup as a starter and then a dessert. My mum is quite happy to have a meal and just leave the meat if she has to but AIBU to think that most places would be happy to offer a veggie option if asked and if you are inviting people to a wedding and a meal you would want them to be able to choose a meal they are happy with. Surely there may be other guests with this issue or should guests just put up and shut up?

OP posts:

akwardsazzle · 23/07/2014 10:43

As if being a veggie is the same as not liking broccoli!! Crazy! I went to a wedding once, invite said let them know if any dietary requirements - I did. When it came to the meal i got the soup and the dessert. I was pretty miffed. I should have taken some butties.

daphnehoneybutt · 23/07/2014 10:49

If she has food options one why can one of them not be veggie? It's really not that uncommon.

If you are hosting a wedding not caring about peoples religious / cultural food preferences is just weird and rude.

Igggi · 23/07/2014 10:49

The restaurant will rustle up an omelette, at the very least. It is the bride who is being awkward.

BlackeyedSusan · 23/07/2014 10:53

if you don't like carrots you can pick them off on a meat and two veggies plate. meat can be in anything as people have said, soups, gravy, gelatine...

same for allergies, potatoes and veggies tossed in butter..

egg in icecream

MarchEliza · 23/07/2014 10:55

I would be pretty shocked by this and if I was the bride I would be appalled to think some of my guests were not getting a full meal because they made the radical decision not to eat meat (and I am a confirmed carnivore.)

If you notify the bridal party in time (which I presume you have done) it should be easy to provide a simple veggie option (as Igggi says - an omelette is not difficult).

It's a shame the OP has been dragged into this as really this should be a discussion between the bride and the OP's mother.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 23/07/2014 11:10

Bizarre - assuming it is a standard catered event, the caterers will always offer an alternative to a meat main course at no extra charge provided they have an idea of quantities in advance and it is by prior arrangement.
Otherwise, folk on the day sit there and claim to be vegetarians because they fancy goats cheese tart instead of salmon or whatever.

Your cousin needs to get a grip. By the time she has been advised how many people are vegetarians, allergic to fish/nuts/dairy/lactose/kiwi's/strawberries, are avoiding sugar or are pregnant and can't eat A-Z she will have a spreadsheet listing guests and their wants and needs. speaks from bitter experience

And that's simply before family weigh in with their personal preferences with an attitude that just because they are family they can have steak just because they don't fancy lamb on the day.... FFS !

OorWullie · 23/07/2014 11:14

Bloody hell, I'm not a veggie.... I don't even pretend to "get" vegetarianism but that's no reason to dismiss those who make that choice (be that because of religion, other beliefs or just preference).

I can't believe she would let your mum twiddle her thumbs while everyone else is tucking in, that's beyond rude. I doubt very much having a veggie option will impact on cost, most places factor it in now, and besides that, I would cut back elsewhere to allow the extra cost if I had to. I'd rather have cheaper flowers or simpler centrepieces and know that my guests were all accommodated for and having a good time. She sounds like a shit host.

Noodledoodledoo · 23/07/2014 11:16

My guests were asked to choose prior to the wedding as well so if people didn't like the choices they had a chance to let me know if there was an issue. I think from memory there was one who asked for an alternative. It wasn't sprung on them on the day.

I did cater for allergies as well - have a severe nut allergy friend.

NellyTheEfalump · 23/07/2014 11:18

I'm a veggie. If I were told to "pick around the meat" at a wedding then I bloody wouldn't go!

If I were feeling petty I wouldn't even bother to tell them I wasn't going

Original poster

jopickles · 23/07/2014 12:02

she sent me a message on facebook as we are 'friends' and my parents aren't on there but she didn't include it in the invites as she didn't want to waste money sending out/making an extra part of the invitation and she decided to text/fb message instead. I did think it was slightly cheeky to ask me seen as I aren't even invited but I am slightly relieved I'm not

OP posts:

MrsBungle · 23/07/2014 12:07

Surely most people cater for veggies?! I eat meat but dh is veggie. Any wedding we've been to With a set meat meal has always asked for dietary needs and dh (and mil who us coeliac) have been given something different.

treaclesoda · 23/07/2014 14:04

I've re-read my earlier post and I realise it maybe sounded like I was of the 'put up and shut up' opinion, and I just want to clarify that I'm not. I was a vegetarian in the past and I've even had to have a special vegetarian option provided for me at a wedding, so I'm not in any way saying that they should put up and shut up.

I was just musing that for the two individuals I know, it happens that neither of them are vegetarian for ethical or religious reasons, it is as simple as 'I don't like the feel of meat' or 'I don't like the taste'. I was merely pointing out that 'not liking' meat is treated differently in this respect. eg. I have met some thoroughly strange people in my life who only eat meat and potatoes, nothing else, never a vegetable would pass their lips. If they were to be attending an event where the catering was all vegetable based, I don't think anyone would dream of saying 'well, they should do a steak for you, because you don't eat vegetables'.

But, I stress again, that is only me musing about it, it's not a reflection of real life. I think vegetarians need to be catered for, because you can't start saying 'well, I'll cater for this vegetarian because it's for relgious reasons, but I'll not cater for this one because it's not'.

Vintagejazz · 23/07/2014 14:17

I think her reply 'you must be joking' was not only rude, but a bit odd. Surely, even if she isn't planning on having a vegetarian option herself, she would be aware that it's now quite usual to provide one at most weddings, functions etc.

Tinkerball · 23/07/2014 14:24

Yes her reply is odd, as if it never crossed her mind. I was at a wedding last week and there were 3 options for the main course, a meat, a fish and a veggie option. It's also nonsense to say suck it up basically if someone is paying for you to have it, surely as a bride or groom you would want your friends and family to have something they would actually eat and enjoy!

ViviPru · 23/07/2014 14:25

I'm totally baffled by this thread. I can't believe so many people are incredulous at the concept of expecting a vegetation option to be standard. It's just a FACT. Unless the bride and groom are catering their wedding themselves from Costco, any form of catering service will provide a vegetarian option.

Even the hog roast van we considered hiring for our evening reception had a vegetarian option. Bride sounds like a cow.

treaclesoda · 23/07/2014 14:32

I don't think anyone on the thread has been incredulous at the idea of offering a vegetarian option?

I've never attended a wedding where there have been anysort of options offered though. But it has always been expected that if someone needs a specific requirement met, then they can contact the bride and groom who will arrange it - I've never heard of a bride saying 'you must be joking' in response to a reasonable request.

ChoccaDoobie · 23/07/2014 14:35

Agree Vivi! I am amazed at some of these responses. I know LOADS of veggies. Every single event I've gone to in the past about 20 years has had veggie options or one at least.

Osmiornica · 23/07/2014 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

treaclesoda · 23/07/2014 14:40

what responses are you amazed by?

I've just read through the whole thread and I've only seen one poster out of the entire thread who has said 'tough, they should stop moaning'

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 23/07/2014 14:51

Unless her wedding is organised on a very strictly 1970s theme, that bride is being vvu.

ViviPru · 23/07/2014 14:53

I don't think anyone on the thread has been incredulous at the idea of offering a vegetarian option?

I do.....

I could understand why someone would organise a meal offering chicken or salmon as an option and assume it would cover everyo8 requirements.

if someone else is paying a lot of money to provide a party and food for you you don't start whinging about what's provided. Plenty of people don't eat fish, don't eat carrots, whatever.

There is always a vegetarian option how odd?

Although on reflection I accept the majority on the thread are familiar with vegetarian option as standard. I was just so bemused to find that anyone wouldn't accept this as the norm that these opinions stood out.

treaclesoda · 23/07/2014 15:01

I made the comment about offering a fish option and thinking it would cover everyone. Not because I believe that myself, but because I can understand why some people would think that. And the reason I think it causes confusion is because so many describe themselves as vegetarian when in fact they aren't. I've known loads of people who say they are vegetarian when actually they eat fish, and even, amazingly chicken In my lifetime, the majority of vegetarians I have personally known have eaten fish. But, as I said, that's probably because they haven't been doing it for ethical reasons but out of personal taste.

Personally, I don't consider someone who eats fish to be vegetarian, but when you get people who describe themselves as vegetarian yet eat non vegetarian foods, I can actually see why people would think that a fish option covers vegetarianism.

But, as I said, that's not my own view.

CheeseandPickledOnion · 23/07/2014 16:52

Someone who eats only fish is a pescatarian, not a vegetarian. I wish people would describe their diets correctly.

Itsfab · 23/07/2014 17:03

YANBU

We had one vegetarian at our wedding and we didn't even know her but we still had a separate meal made for her!

EveDallasRetd · 23/07/2014 17:04

Bloody rude and bloody weird of your cousin. Of course your mum shouldn't just pick the meat off, how bloody ridiculous. In my mind Either your cousin confirms that a vegetarian option will be provided, or your parents don't go.

My DFriend is a veggie, she got married last year and the whole wedding was veggie. It was bloody lovely, and you know what, my DFriend actually offered a chicken dinner option to the GPs and to my DD, in case they weren't happy with what was on offer (GPs took the option fearing it would be 'all rabbit food and stuff' but actually they would have been fine). THAT is being a good host, something your cousin isn't.

Flip

1 2