To think there's no such thing as a low sex drive?

[Stressedoutandworriedaboutever]

There's just bad sex?

Obviously not including issues of having young kids/work making you tireder, surely if you are having good sex, you are going to want it all the time?

With my ex I barely wanted sex, and told myself it was just that I had a low sex drive. Now with my new partner I realise it was just that the sex with my ex wasn't very good.

Aibu to think that naturally low sex drives don't exist, it's just bad sex or bad relationships?

Emphasis on new partner.

I agree OP! Sure it varies somewhat but had similar experience to you, definitely depends on partner! Far too many wonen, especially are blamed for low sex drive when imho more likely crap sex so not bothered, feel taken for granted, so ditto, too knackered etc etc

Of course there is. Anti-depressants made mine dive.

She must be off shagging somewhere...

I give it 2 weeks

Utter rubbish.
Of course there's such a thing.

I haven't read more then the first post but I am 49 years old. I have been married twice and lived (for 2+years each time) with two different people and in every single case, I went off having lots of sex after the initial "falling-in love" stage of around a year.

The truth also is as I have got older and particularly since ds was born, I have lost that great after glow that I used to get after sex and my orgasms are definitely less intense. I have orgasms, sometimes multiple ones and dh is attentive and considerate with just the right amount of "taking command" so there is no problem with the quality of what happens.

Even pre-ds I just lost the intense desire to have a lot of sex within a year or so of new relationships. I always found that the sex was more intense after a period of abstinence. If we have sex several times a week, I get progressively less out of it. If we have it 2-3 times a month, each time is much better. I appreciate that 2-3 times a month is not much though.

It really is nothing to do with the quality of the sex (for me anyway)

My 'new' partner and I have been together 3 years so I dont think we are still I the honeymoon period tbh.

I just think that it's used as an easy excuse for people not enjoying sex to blame something other than their relationship.

There are plenty of reasons why people go off sex, as many people have mentioned such as medication and lack of sleep/stress. What I mean is people who have no 'reason' (for lack of a better word) to be of sex who just don't fancy it.

It isn't an 'easy excuse' - that is a stupid thing to say. And basing any theory on a sample of just one - in this case yourself - is ridiculous.

I have had several sexual partners, and with none of them have I had anything approaching a sex drive. I have also read accounts from people who have never had sex, and never wanted to have it - who consider themselves asexual - are they lying or making easy excuses?

It isn't an 'easy excuse' - that is a stupid thing to say.

I think what she's saying is that couples will use that excuse to just avoid sex instead of working on the relationship problems. Most happy couples have a healthy sex life, with frequent sex. So no, it's not a stupid thing to say.

If you have a low sex drive, there is a reason. You want a healthy sex life. Right now, our sex drives are low because we just had a baby. We're sleep deprived and get no time to ourselves. It's not because it's naturally low. If we removed baby and sleep deprivation we'd be having sex more often.

The key though is that both partners are happy with the amount of sex they're getting. If one isn't matching up to the other it's either time for couple's counseling or a new partner.

Not everyone wants a 'healthy sex life'? Plenty of people don't particularly want sex, ever. What actually matters is what the two people in a specific relationship want, not what someone somewhere else thinks is a normal state of affairs. If one person doesn't want much or any sex and the other does, it is going to be very difficult to reconcile the two positions, IMO, and neither party should feel pressured or cajoled into accepting a state of affairs that they are unhappy with for anything more than a temporary period.

How on earth do you know that 'most' happy couples have what you term a healthy sex life?

Sorry if I sound unnecessarily combative, btw! Missed out on your last paragraph which makes for a very different slant to your overall comment :-)

You want a healthy sex life.

Err, no - I have no desire for any level of sex life, healthy or otherwise.

Erm, hate to break it to you OP but i have a low sex drive

Dh is excellent. On the rare occasion that we dtd, its fun, passionate and pretty darned excellent :) , but I don't want it all the time, or even most of the time.

No reason for it, other than I don't fancy it.

Stick that in ya pipe and smoke it

There's just bad sex?

I have a low sex drive. It isn't because of bad sex, because the sex I have isn't bad

Garbage.

No. Again.

Not everyone wants sex all the time. Even when it's very good.

I have what you would likely term a healthy appreciation for sex and have always had it fairly often, and yet somehow I can still expand my horizons enough to contemplate the possibility that my own experience doesn't naturally translate to this being the case for every other person in the world...

You're just wrong. All over wrong.

YABFU.

Argh clearly I have spent waaaaay too much time on mumnet today and I am starting to see things that aren't there!

Saw a comment on my 'threads I'm on' and thought OP had repeated the statement that 'surely if the sex is good you would want it all the time', so that's what I was replying to.

Sigh. It irritates me how much is made of sex and sex drives. It's not that hard to understand is it, that it might be different for different people?

I wonder if there would be any correlation between high or low sex drive and how frequently a woman orgasms during sex?

So somebody who rarely orgasms during piv sex would perhaps have a lower sex drive than somebody who regularly orgasms during piv sex?

My instinct is that it would be the opposite way around, if anything. But that's just off the top of my head, and really I think there are so many variables, many, if not most, of them being far too complex and inter-related to properly be able to extrapolate.

Ok, now I know I am just not supposed to be posting!!

I thought you said it the other way around

Personally my drive ebbs and flows somewhat over a given period of time. But there are points at which it would certainly be encouraged to thrive by better and more frequent resolution.

PIV is irrelevant IMO.

But yawn, this topic gets tedious real quick.

Or it could be that sex is like most activities - some people love, some people hate and some people don't care either way.

When I made the decision to become celibate, it was like a huge weight of my mind. Prior to that, some of the sex had been totally amazing but I am so relieved that I never have to deal with it again.

Met, you're being good but I'll bite. I've never been that into sex. I enjoy it when I have it, but I just have a low sex drive. It was people like you who made me think that there was something seriously wrong with me and that I was a freak, telling me that there was no such thing and it would pick up again and so on and so forth. The most we do any form of sex (not just piv) is once a week, and that is fine for me.