To think there's no such thing as a low sex drive?

[Stressedoutandworriedaboutever]

There's just bad sex?

Obviously not including issues of having young kids/work making you tireder, surely if you are having good sex, you are going to want it all the time?

With my ex I barely wanted sex, and told myself it was just that I had a low sex drive. Now with my new partner I realise it was just that the sex with my ex wasn't very good.

Aibu to think that naturally low sex drives don't exist, it's just bad sex or bad relationships?

So you decided it was vitally important to take a break in fucking like rabbits to share this new insight with the internet?

Bollocks!

The second link is definitely better than the Daily Mail one.

The participants reported being generally satisfied with their relationships and sex lives, but women reported lower levels of desire depending on the length of their relationship. "Specifically, for each additional month women in this study were in a relationship with their partner, their sexual desire decreased by 0.02 on the Female Sexual Function Index," the authors wrote online Jan. 23 in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.

In fact, relationship duration was a better predictor of sexual desire in women than both relationship and sexual satisfaction. While the 0.02 decrease in female desire was small, it contrasts with male desire, which held steady over time, the researchers said.

I dont think youre entirely right. Ive always had a reasonably good sex drive, even when i was having rubbish sex with my exh tbh. Ive been with my partner now nearly a decade and its still pretty strong and we have consistently really good sex, but theres been times when ive had no libido whatsoever, with various medications, fluctuating hormones etc. Its not about it being rubbish sex or about attraction.

LoL... You're funny!

Riiiiiiiight...

Well - every one is different. My sex drive has always been stupidly high, through bad and good relationships.

Been with DH(2) 8 years now and i can honestly say it's still rising. His fluctuates weekly depending on his work, but is higher generally now than a couple of years ago.

So ...

Further to the second link here's kinseyconfidential.org discussing it, and there's a link to the actual paper.

It is study specifically limited to young people between ages of 18-25 (looking deliberately at the period before many major life events ar expected). It was caveatted that it should not be extrapolated to the older population. But it was also part of a number of complementary studies, which taken together do show natural increase/decrease as a frequent occurrence.

Some people like a lot of sex, some less and it often fluctuates over the lifetime of an individual. The statistics probably form a bell curve within a population.
You are taking your own personal issues and experiences and then generalising to think that it would hold true for millions of other adults.

Have you not heard of asexual people?

YABU....

give it two years OP and let us know.

You can't generalise; we have been together 41 years and still have sex most days and it is just as exciting if not more so.

Of course there is.

Plenty of a sexual people too that have absolutely no interest in sex, ever.

Or objectafiles that fall in love with objects and have no desire to ever have sex.

Or people like me who have always gone through ups and downs of wanting sex for seemingly no reason at all.

Sex drives are as different as people.

I think it's normal for it to ebb and flow throughout the course of your life.

Me and DP were at it all the time when we first met. Now we have a EBF nearly five month old, he's lucky if I can be arsed to say hello when he walks through the door .

Oh, and I suppose that you are limiting your understanding of bad sex to PIV?

Thanks Glacinda, for drawing attention to the limits on that research result.

Oh honestly. Spend more time focusing on yourself (and enjoying yourself!) and less time assuming you're the benchmark for "normal" and that everyone else just needs to find the right person. They don't, people are different.

Of course there is such a thing as a low sex drive.

The reasons can be physiological, physical or psychological but they all exist.

Are you discounting all psychological reasons too?

fwiw, I have been surprised at how low the sex drives appear to be for mumsnetters in general.

Not sure if that is because a lot of them have very young children. Or they are tireder in general?

I think it depends what's going on in your life too. When my children were little (3 under 4) The England rugby team could have got on to my bed but I still would have kept my legs closed :-). When my Dh and I were going through a bad patch last year I didn't want it then either.

So on the basis of 2 partners, you've decided there's no such thing as low sex drive?

Gosh, have you thought of entering the field of research with such thorough researching skills?

YABU. However 'low sex drive' is a bit of a meaningless catch-all for what can be quite complex reasons for not wanting or needing physical intimacy. Reasons such as stress, fatigue, medical problems, bad experiences/abuse, wrong sexual partner, depression ... all kinds of things.

I could be defensive because I'm sure I have a relatively low sex drive, but I kind of like what OP is saying. Lots of people excuse bad relationships with statements like "I just have a low sex drive".

My mother had a high sex drive & she couldn't understand anyone not like her.

Of course there is such a thing as a low sex drive. Did you come to that conclusion just because you are having a shagfest with your new partner?

I have never had any real sex drive, even though I have had many, many partners and the sex has been good sometimes (and sometimes fantastic!).

I took the decision to become celibate when I was 30 and have never regretted it.