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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A wedding one...

103 replies

alltherightfriends · 22/07/2014 10:21

This is the first time I have started a thread here, I'm a long time lurker though.

I just wanted to get peoples opinions really on if I am being silly!! DP and I have been invited to a wedding of some good friends of ours. The wedding is 3.5 hours away but we all actually live within 10 minutes of each other in a different town. DP is invited to the daytime and I am invited to the evening. I was cross about this to begin with as a) we have been together for nearly 10 years, b) the wedding is a fair distance and DP doesn't drive and c) we are all friends and if anything I see more of the bride and groom than DP.

However, I quickly worked out that every couple that is invited is invited in this way - one half to daytime and the other to join them in the evening. I thought that this was quite thoughtless but got over it. Until the bride asked me to please make sure i travelled to the wedding the night before as she was expecting me to give DP and another unrelated friend a lift so that they could be there for the day time...

This angered me as I am not, nor have I ever been a taxi driver, this other friend is not my responsibility at all.
Anyway so (I'm feeling quite tolerant at this point) DP and I book a hotel for the night before and the night of the wedding. I agree to drive unrelated friend to the wedding the night before as well. I make plans to spend the daytime exploring and having lunch with another friend's DH as he isn't invited either. All fine.

So. Now DP has been informed by his work that he is actually scheduled to go on a trip that week and that it is non-negotiable. He travels a lot with his work. He thought he had booked days off for the wedding but doesn't look like he did. He is quite upset about this as the groom is a very good friend. We discuss cancelling our hotel room and me not going either as I am not particularly keen on hanging around a random place to go to the evening do of a wedding without DP when I wasn't invited to the actual wedding. He calls to explain and apologise. Groom is upset but understanding. Asks if I will still go as they are counting on me to take unrelated friend to the day time!!!

AIBU to think that although none of this is unrelated friend's fault, none of it is my doing either and I should not have to do a 7 hour round trip to take someone to a wedding that I am not invited to?? Obviously if I was taking DP anyway that would be different but I am not and there is plenty of time for unrelated friend to sort out his own journey.

Sorry for the massive rant...

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 22/07/2014 11:19

God I love these threads.

Yes Teenage's answer is good.

Or if you wanted to be arsey

"Um, no of course I am not going to drive a 7 hour round trip to give a stranger a lift to a wedding ceremony to which I myself have not been invited. Are you quite mad?"

the "have not been" rather than "am not" is crucial because it still will stand if they say "oh ha ha of course you're invited NOW!"

These entitled wedding threads always enthral me! I think it's our culture at the moment, so many people think they are a superstar, they think their wedding is so fab that you will be happy to drive people about for them just so as you can be part of it.

Original poster
alltherightfriends · 22/07/2014 11:25

So I'm not being silly then Grin

I was originally going to turn the whole invitation down and leave DP to get a lift with someone else but we talked about it and the wedding is in a lovely area so we decided to make it into a little mini break. Obviously this isn't going to happen now so I think I will just send the reply teenage said (thanks!)

I am curious to see if I get 'upgraded' but I'm still reluctant to bother at all...

DP has said that when we get married I can choose which one of them I want to invite ??

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 22/07/2014 11:35

I agree with Teenage's suggestion.

They're a couple of zilla's aren't they.

Remember to post back with her response.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 22/07/2014 11:46

YANBU!

Tell the B&G to get fucked.

Well ok, maybe not, but they are being massively unreasonable.

ENormaSnob · 22/07/2014 11:52

Cheeky twats.

I wouldnt even want to be mates with them after this so my reply would be straight to the point.

loopylady83 · 22/07/2014 11:55

I'd tell them to get fucked talk about taking the piss

EmptyNestAgain · 22/07/2014 12:00

Are they on glue?
Of course YANBU
Have some Cake and Wine at home instead.
Cheeky buggers

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 22/07/2014 12:24

YANBU These aren't friends, they're users!

Tell the cheeky pair of twats to fuck right off. What is it about some people that they think they can treat people like shit just because they're getting married.

HermioneWeasley · 22/07/2014 12:31

Can't wait for the update on this one!

Lots of wedding madness around at the moment.

BeauticianNotMagician81 · 22/07/2014 12:37

I would tell them where to go. Are they for real?

I wouldn't want people like that as friends to be honest.

PunkHedgehog · 22/07/2014 12:43

Just to clarify:

  • They have invited all couples on a half-and-half basis.

  • They told you 'You need to travel at X time because you're giving Y a lift.' rather than saying 'We know it's a long drive so we're putting together lift sharing groups to keep everyone's petrol costs down, would you like to be part of that?'

  • Their response to your DP not being able to go was 'But you'll still be a free taxi, right?', not 'That's a shame but I hope you will still be able to come - for the afternoon as well of course - because we'd love to see you.'

If that's right, then fuck that for a game of soldiers.

FunkyBoldRibena · 22/07/2014 12:52

'So let me get this straight. You want me to pay out for two nights in a hotel, and spend 7 hours driving just to get your friend to a wedding that I am not even invited to?'

SauvignonBlanche · 22/07/2014 13:01

That's batshit crazy!

BeCool · 22/07/2014 13:07

I would amend teenagers suggestion as it does read as if you might still attend if "upgraded".

Just say "due to change of circumstances you can no longer attend - have a wonderful day etc etc

sanityawol · 22/07/2014 13:13

Hang on a minute... has your DP accidentally proposed to you? Wink

Yes, they're nuts btw.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 22/07/2014 14:05

Your DP's sugestion is great Grin give one an evening-only invite and the other a ceremony-only invite Shock

londonrach · 22/07/2014 14:09

Simple answer to this one......N....O.... Also rethink if you want to be friend with these users....

Original poster
alltherightfriends · 22/07/2014 16:45

Thanks everyone, sorry I've been out all afternoon and just seen all your posts.
No update yet I'm afraid!! I have a feeling it will come through DP and he's away with work at the minute so it might be a few days.

OP posts:
ThatWasNice · 22/07/2014 17:11

C'mon OP, you knew there wasn't a cat in hells chance of anyone saying you were being unreasonable Wink

YA --obviously- NBU

I don't think I would go even if I got an upgrade.

Original poster
alltherightfriends · 22/07/2014 17:21

Well I didn't think so but I was talking to two of my friends who are going to the whole thing. One of them is the one whose DH I had arranged to have lunch with and the other is single. Both of them seemed to think I was being stroppy when I originally said I wasn't going to go at all, so I thought I must have been Being Unreasonable at the beginning. Since this development they have hinted that I should be pleased that DP can't go because it will probably mean I can go to the whole thing, as though I should be grateful.

We are all late 20s and everybody is getting married and unfortunately some of these friends seem to see it as a competition, who is invited to the most weddings. Unfortunately for them I cannot be bothered with all the drama and I think I will sit on the beach for the weekend with Wine and ??

OP posts:
CalamitouslyWrong · 22/07/2014 17:32

Surely the one invited to the most weddings loses a lot of cash though. Grin

skinoncustard · 22/07/2014 17:37

YANBU. To be honest, I would have turned down their 'kind' invitation at the beginning . What kind of 'friends' only invite one half of a couple, you have been together 10 years!!! I think you should inform them in no uncertain terms that you are not a taxi service. I am amazed that any of their friends that are couples are agreeing to this.

Fluffycloudland77 · 22/07/2014 17:40

My competition, since 20, has been the least amount of weddings.

Two in 17 years isn't bad. One was mine so I had to go.

They are bonkers, utterly bonkers.

You have stay freinds with them though because if they have kids they will go über bonkers and it will be entertaining for you.

Judgypants73 · 22/07/2014 17:49

Yanbu, in fact I think you were a push over accepting the evening invite and demands to give guests a lift.

I can't get my head around inviting only one half of a couple, who both are your friends to your full wedding. I'd rather issue an evening invite to all rather than cherry picking who I liked thought would be the best/fun person to have at my wedding.

diddl · 22/07/2014 17:59

YANBU of course.

how was your husband intending to get there if you didn't take him though?

Was a room the night before really needed for your husband to be there for the ceremony?

If not, why do it?

No harm in giving the other guy a lift when you were both going imo.

No harm in the B&G asking if you are still going imo.

But if not, that's it-guy needs to find another lift.