To have told dd2 the truth in a public loo?

[HattyMonkey]

I am on my period, dd2 aged 3 nearly 4 is aware that I bleed sometimes and I have always answered honestly to any questions. In Debenhams today we went to the toilet and she saw I was "on" she said loudly (she has a very carrying voice) "Mummy you have blood does that mean you are not having a baby?" I replied quietly ( I thought) "that's right".

We left the cubicle and woman confronted me in quite an angry manner saying "next time you want to discuss the facts of life with your kid check who is about, my Son is traumatised"

I was so shocked I said nothing, did I do something wrong? I know everyone parents differently but I don't think I did anything wrong.

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

Well it's a but if a non issue isn't it?

Very weird that some people equate knowing about periods to loss of innocence... What exactly is being lost? What is the bad thing about periods that must be kept from children to avoid their childhood being destroyed?

[Mrsfrumble]

My son is 3 and sees me changing pads and tampons. I've explained it in the same terms as the OP: the blood comes out because I'm not having a baby. He doesn't seem traumatized.

I didn't realise I was being such a disgusting shameless hussy by not hiding it from him

[Smartiepants79]

Both my girls go freely in and out of the loo whilst I'm using it. They have frequently seen me changing sanitary towels. If they ask I tell them in child speak what they are for and then they wander off.
Not traumatised.
They are both going to have to deal with it at some point.
And no I don't remember my mum doing this but then I don't remember much from when I was 3!
Again I'm astonished that some people think nothing of being so rude in public.

[Pooka]

So I mean, there are very few things I remember from the age of 4. I don't expect I'd remember something as mundane as changing a tampon or a towel. First day of school (age 5) I remember. Snapshots from holidays or other really momentous things, maybe. But not my mum changing her sanpro.

[HattyMonkey]

DameDiazepam It had never occurred to me to get her to face the other way. I guess the best I can do now is explain that we only discuss body stuff at home.

[lettertoherms]

Ok- serious question- how many people actually remember their Mum doing this as I sure as fuck don't and I don't feel I missed out because of it!

I actually do, clearly. My parent's bedroom had a bathroom in it with no actual door, they'd had to put a curtain up, and I just wandered in and out. I was about four when I asked my mom about why she was bleeding sometimes - she told me similar to the OP, something like grown women's bodies get ready to have a baby by making extra blood for the baby, and if the woman isn't going to have a baby the blood comes away. I remembered it well enough to repeat it to my friends later.

[DandyDelores]

Ignore the strange people Hatty. Also, all because a poster had been on this site for a while does not make them the all-knowing, wisecracking elders they believe themselves to be.

DS is 5. He has seen me change my tampons/sanitary pads several times. He knows that, unlike him, his father and all other men, I (and most pubescent to pre-menopausal women) get a period every month. He also knows that I have underarm and pubic hair, and he too will get it when he is old enough. He knows that I have three holes on my privates - one for weeing, one for pooing and one for sex/babies. I bathe/go to the toilet in front of him, I usually sleep naked (yet he still crawls into my bed in the middle of the night), I do not lock my bathroom door. Heck, I even wander around my house naked when I feel like it.

This is not a competition to revel in liberential credentials - I just fail to see how any of this is a big deal, and would question the common sense quotient of anyone who thought otherwise. I like that my son knows about these things. My brother was brought up very similarly by my mother - he's a fully grown man who is completely understanding and sympathetic to the pain and discomfort women feel when they have periods and doesn't bat an eye or get embarrassed/flustered if I discuss/any woman discusses it with him (I have severe dysmenorrhea a.k.a. period pains/cramps), any more than he would if someone told him that they had a headache/fever.

Oh, and for the person who alluded to the lack of a period by virtue of the Mirena coil - I have one fitted (have done since DS was born) and I get a period every month without fail DS knows that I have a coil fitted - he asked me why I wasn't feeling very well when I got it changed recently, and I told him I had a tummy ache from the doctor replacing my coil. He asked what a coil was and I told him it was to make my periods lighter and ensure I don't have another baby until I am good and ready. He somehow managed not to spontaneously combust or turn into a traumatised quivering wreck

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

What makes you think we think the loo is dangerous?

I must say I've never even had an internal debate about this- it just happened that way, seems entirely no big deal. It's interesting to hear different views (but I'm right!)

[Bearbehind]

But I remember being told about periods and I don't recall equating it with previous recollections of my Mum changing her tampon in the loo in Debenhams.

It's not a loss of innocence but I do still think it is avoidable and unnecessary at such a young age.

You don't need to demonstrate everything to your kids for them to understand it.

[ThatBloodyWoman]

I think its not something I want to talk about with my dc's until they're old enough to need to know.
I don't think that makes me repressed or like I'm hushing up a dirty secret.

I've always managed to be private without leaving them outside a public cubicle when they were very little.Not sure how -lucky I suppose.

I know when I found about periods I found it quite a burden!

[madwomanacrosstheroad]

Not sure about specific dangers in loo in debenhams but have recollections of a little girl being sexually assaulted in ladies loo in a sainsburys a few years ago. Also can think about items to be picked up and put in mouths, issues if there are a few kids or a child just being scared in a strange place not being able to see mum. Also unsure about 10 or less seconds if i had to pee at the same time.

[HattyMonkey]

Dandy dd2 also knows about the 3 holes! that is probably wrong though. She asked where babies come out (new baby in family) so I explained, she was confused about weeing and pooing so said there is another one.

[PhaedraIsMyName]

John I don't understand why there was a need to take a 4 year old into the cubicle. They are always cramped and the time involved is miniscule. Someone referred to leaving a child unsupervised. It would never have occurred to me that the child was "left unsupervised"

[TwelveLeggedWalk]

Did none of you take your dc's to the loo with you when toilet training? Frankly I'm looking forward to the conversation in this house moving beyond who's weed/pooed/sat on what/where/when!

[Happy36]

You have been totally reasonable. I pity the son of the other woman. Your children, on the other hand, are lucky to have you. Don't worry!

[wheresthelight]

There is nothing wrong with it! My dd has sat on my lap having a book read to her whilst poorly and having to poo a lot. She has seen me change sanpro, she is 11 months so has no idea what it is and when she is old enough she will have it explained in a way she can understand

People on this thread are complete prudes and utterly ridiculous!

Ywnbu and the woman in the toilets was crazy

[Happy36]

You have been totally reasonable. I pity the son of the other woman. Your children, on the other hand, are lucky to have you. Don't worry!

[gamescompendium]

it's yet another advantage of a mooncup. I can empty it before leaving the house and know that it'll be fine until I come home, whereas a tampon wouldn't last nearly as long

This comment made me laugh because I think a mooncup is even less discreet than a tampon or pad because the toilet bowl looks like the aftermath of the Texas Chain Saw Massacre when you change a mooncup.

OP, you did nothing wrong. My Grandmother didn't tell my Mum about periods, Mum genuinely thought she was dying when her period started and she went to her aunt who explained what was happening. Not surprisingly both my Mum and now I am very open with children about periods and reproduction and bodily functions. Far better to explain everything in an age appropriate way than put a child through what my mother went through. It's a pretty standard viewpoint as well, keeping it hidden is very 1950s surely?

Don't agree with the 'she thought it was a MC' opinion, if she really reacted that insensitively to a woman she thought was going through a MC? Sheesh.

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

I don't think I consciously took them in the cubicle, it's like, you're in a crowded place, there's a queue: they go first, then you go. I remember this most particularly at airports and service stations.

[HattyMonkey]

I am not worried someone would have snatched dd, more she would wander off to the toy dept and also I see no need to keep her on the other side of the door. My op wasn't about changing my pad it was about telling her the truth about periods, maybe I should have a word with her about talking in public toilets about personal things but I will still ake her in with me.

[PhaedraIsMyName]

My DS is not in the least embarrassed about discussing periods now he's all grown up

Mine didn't see a bloody towel either. I do recall telling him at age 8 when we were in Oslo together without his father that we had to find a chemist as I needed to get towels and chemists did't have the same sign as ours do. No dramas and he knew what I meant.